One wonders what goes on at the house parties of New York University. Home to the edgelord arts schools Tisch and Steinhardt, NYU has become flypaper for undeodorised alternative types, scooting in from loft communes with chickpea-tastic packed lunches to discourse about an erotics of pescetarianism, or whatever. Alongside having some of the most loaded students in the country — Bushwick doesn’t come cheap, baby — NYU has some of the most earnest, hosting one of the most hardcore pro-Palestine encampments this summer.
This year, though, NYU has a new USP: Barron Trump. The 6’7” scion started his course at the Stern School of Business in September, after graduating from the improbably named Oxbridge Academy in Florida. Donald Trump’s mysterious fifth child, whose talents definitely lie somewhere between Machiavelli’s Prince and Cousin Greg, has been the source of intrigue since he was a boy, filmed speaking with a tragicomic Slovenian accent in a clip from The Larry King Show in 2010. “He spend most of the time with me,” laughs Melania.
Now, he’s touted as some sort of canny political operator. “Barron is the king of the internet,” his dad told a now-infamous Madison Square Garden rally. One campaign adviser hoped to pitch a series of podcast appearances to the 78-year-old, who reportedly replied: “Call Barron and see what he thinks and let me know.” This resulted in a clutch of Gen Z male-friendly viral clips in which Trump discussed cocaine with the comedian Theo Von, traded grunts with certified mouth-breather Logan Paul, and was gifted a Tesla Cybertruck, wrapped with an image of himself, by Andrew Tate’s brainless best mate Adin Ross. Given the counterintuitive success of these cameos, newspapers have declared Barron integral to Trump’s performance among young men in last week’s election.
Despite all this acclaim, the boy himself seems to be playing it cool among the stick-and-poke tattoo enthusiasts over at NYU. He is said to have told fellow students that he “doesn’t support any party” — but, as any former teenager will remember, all attempts at nonchalance will be blown to bits by a well-meaning parent at the first opportunity. “Voted for the first time — for his dad,” Melania captioned a picture of the 18-year-old hulking over his ballot, looking like a besuited werewolf. Any hope of being mysteriously chic will forever be thwarted by the fact that everyone knows Barron is ferried into college by minders from Trump Tower each morning, and by the fact that he is, based on a little social media stalking, haunted by his boyhood friendship with the lamest guy in the world.
Bo Loudon, unlike Barron, is prolific on social media, where his Instagram bio warns “God first”. He is the sort of diminutive, tight-trousered, swoop-fringed teenager whose Instagram consists of thumbs-up photographs with taller and more famous people — often, Donald himself. One wonders how MAGAmind Bo, who styles himself as “Trump’s young gun”, plays among Barron’s queer-studies-major conquests (these are always the fittest girls at any university), barely grazing his elbow as the prince of populism blags a conversation about jorts (“yeah, I really like Mitski too…”). Unlike almost every student before him, Barron does not have the luxury of spending the summer between school and uni aggressively reinventing himself. He can’t even bluff a romantic past — something even the best of us had to do during freshers week. Amid speculation that he had locked down the 20-year-old model Klara Jones, his dad told a podcast that, to his knowledge, Barron had never had a girlfriend. Ouch.
Barron is understood to have said that he is now “fair game” for media intrusion. After all, he’s an old hand. Unlike during his father’s first term, when he was a gawky little 10-year-old, Barron is now 18, massive, and to a certain type of acne-ridden, Prime-gulping young man, cool. And politicians’ kids are the hottest influencers of the moment: in a viral video from election night, Texas senator Ted Cruz addressed a crowd in Houston. “I believe, and I hope and pray, that Donald Trump will be elected president of the United States,” he said. His 16-year-old daughter Caroline, standing behind with the rest of the family in a shiny red minidress, gave the universal facial expression for “yikes”, turning to her applauding mother Heidi and saying: “Don’t clap for that!”
Yawn. This article was a whole lot of nothing. The author has some skill at writing, I’m sure, but this article was a topic that didn’t let her talents shine. I have no use for paparazzi. Let the children of the famous and wealthy be.
At least he is not a Kennedy
I can’t believe I wasted time reading this drivel.
This isn’t writing, it’s sneering, by someone who seems to think being snide and mocking physical appearance is wit.Nasty.
Woke up this morning feeling flat, tired, achy and middle-aged. Thanks for reminding me that being in your 20s isn’t all that. I don’t miss any of that caper.
On a separate note, I tried Theo Von’s podcast and didn’t get on with it. Of the “bro” podcasts, I liked Ruthless the best.
Finally, Chelsea Clinton was treated horribly, I remember that. Part of the general excesses of the 90s I guess.
Well that’s five minutes I’m never getting back.
Poor Barron. I don’t know who he is at his core, or who he’d really like to be (he probably doesn’t know either), but it doesn’t matter in his case. He’s forever linked to his father’s reputation, like Marley’s ghost dragging around all those chains.
And then, of course, he’s 6’7″ tall. Blending in with the wallpaper (like good ole Mike Pence) isn’t really an option. All he can do is choose which sort of personality he’ll be: ultra-reactionary following in daddy’s footsteps; New Age hippie rejecting everything about his upbringing; late-night pitchman for over-priced junk you don’t need.
Sadly, the author tells us little about Barron; he remains an International Man of Mystery. Perhaps she can go undercover at his college and dig out the dirt. I’m pretty sure Barronology is a viable niche in on-line journalism.
Children of famous politicians (even royalty) could always try their luck at a STEM subject: someone has to, if the West is to recover!
And they would be so different from everyone else in the political bubble: they may even escape it.
I’ve just thought of RFK jnr: he has done well, but has just returned to the Bubble, with a much better understanding of what needs to be fixed.
If only the UK could have a knowledgeable few in the Climate / NET Zero space. It would make a difference.
All very smart mouthed. Subscription cancelled.
I thought this was a very good article and I’m an old grouch. I just wish I was 18 again.
Anything under 30 was the golden years, until the missus and kids turned up and completely destroyed the social life!
As for the article I enjoyed it, and I’ve always found it rather uncomfortable way the yank politicians push their kids into the spotlight. Families should be off limits as far as I’m concerned
Barron still comes across as less of a douche than Hafez Al Assad Junior. That man looks like he flogs crypto.
Enjoyed that