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Barron Trump: America’s edgelord The White House is now officially based


November 12, 2024   6 mins

One wonders what goes on at the house parties of New York University. Home to the edgelord arts schools Tisch and Steinhardt, NYU has become flypaper for undeodorised alternative types, scooting in from loft communes with chickpea-tastic packed lunches to discourse about an erotics of pescetarianism, or whatever. Alongside having some of the most loaded students in the country — Bushwick doesn’t come cheap, baby — NYU has some of the most earnest, hosting one of the most hardcore pro-Palestine encampments this summer.

This year, though, NYU has a new USP: Barron Trump. The 6’7” scion started his course at the Stern School of Business in September, after graduating from the improbably named Oxbridge Academy in Florida. Donald Trump’s mysterious fifth child, whose talents definitely lie somewhere between Machiavelli’s Prince and Cousin Greg, has been the source of intrigue since he was a boy, filmed speaking with a tragicomic Slovenian accent in a clip from The Larry King Show in 2010. “He spend most of the time with me,” laughs Melania.

Now, he’s touted as some sort of canny political operator. “Barron is the king of the internet,” his dad told a now-infamous Madison Square Garden rally. One campaign adviser hoped to pitch a series of podcast appearances to the 78-year-old, who reportedly replied: “Call Barron and see what he thinks and let me know.” This resulted in a clutch of Gen Z male-friendly viral clips in which Trump discussed cocaine with the comedian Theo Von, traded grunts with certified mouth-breather Logan Paul, and was gifted a Tesla Cybertruck, wrapped with an image of himself, by Andrew Tate’s brainless best mate Adin Ross. Given the counterintuitive success of these cameos, newspapers have declared Barron integral to Trump’s performance among young men in last week’s election.

Despite all this acclaim, the boy himself seems to be playing it cool among the stick-and-poke tattoo enthusiasts over at NYU. He is said to have told fellow students that he “doesn’t support any party” — but, as any former teenager will remember, all attempts at nonchalance will be blown to bits by a well-meaning parent at the first opportunity. “Voted for the first time — for his dad,” Melania captioned a picture of the 18-year-old hulking over his ballot, looking like a besuited werewolf. Any hope of being mysteriously chic will forever be thwarted by the fact that everyone knows Barron is ferried into college by minders from Trump Tower each morning, and by the fact that he is, based on a little social media stalking, haunted by his boyhood friendship with the lamest guy in the world.

Bo Loudon, unlike Barron, is prolific on social media, where his Instagram bio warns “God first”. He is the sort of diminutive, tight-trousered, swoop-fringed teenager whose Instagram consists of thumbs-up photographs with taller and more famous people — often, Donald himself. One wonders how MAGAmind Bo, who styles himself as “Trump’s young gun”, plays among Barron’s queer-studies-major conquests (these are always the fittest girls at any university), barely grazing his elbow as the prince of populism blags a conversation about jorts (“yeah, I really like Mitski too…”). Unlike almost every student before him, Barron does not have the luxury of spending the summer between school and uni aggressively reinventing himself. He can’t even bluff a romantic past — something even the best of us had to do during freshers week. Amid speculation that he had locked down the 20-year-old model Klara Jones, his dad told a podcast that, to his knowledge, Barron had never had a girlfriend. Ouch.

“He can’t even bluff a romantic past — something even the best of us had to do during freshers week.”

Barron is understood to have said that he is now “fair game” for media intrusion. After all, he’s an old hand. Unlike during his father’s first term, when he was a gawky little 10-year-old, Barron is now 18, massive, and to a certain type of acne-ridden, Prime-gulping young man, cool. And politicians’ kids are the hottest influencers of the moment: in a viral video from election night, Texas senator Ted Cruz addressed a crowd in Houston. “I believe, and I hope and pray, that Donald Trump will be elected president of the United States,” he said. His 16-year-old daughter Caroline, standing behind with the rest of the family in a shiny red minidress, gave the universal facial expression for “yikes”, turning to her applauding mother Heidi and saying: “Don’t clap for that!

So Barron’s in good company, but it’s impossible to know what lies in wait for him. You can already buy “Barron Trump President 2044” merch on eBay, and there is speculation that his dad might pull him out of uni to help run the show in Washington — but the fates of America’s past first children might give a bigger clue about his future.

The original White House whipping girl was undoubtedly Chelsea Clinton. She wasn’t yet 13 when her father Bill was elected in 1993, at the dawn of MTV and TMZ-style mass media scrutiny, minus the reverence for politicians. Most famously, the conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh told his TV audience: “Socks is the White House cat. But did you know there is also a White House dog?” He held up a picture of the 12-year-old. Another time, during one of Mike Myers’ beloved Wayne’s World sketches on SNL, basement-dwellers Wayne and Garth ranked the top-10 things they loved about Bill Clinton. At number three came vice-president Al Gore’s “babe-a-licious” daughters. “Schwing! Finally there’s some talent in the White House!” Kristin, Gore’s younger daughter, was 15. Number two on the list, “Chelsea”, is edited out of the official YouTube clip. On the live show, they declared that pre-teen Chelsea was “a babe in development”. Myers later apologised for the joke.

More recently, Chelsea has spoken out over the scrutiny of Barron Trump: “Like, he’s a kid. Don’t objectify this kid,” she said in 2020. Yet without a doubt, the first girls have it worse. During the highly hokey presidential “turkey pardoning” ceremony in 2014, Sasha and Malia Obama inevitably exchanged some embarrassed side-eye. I defy any teenager not to be mortified when watching their dad place a hand over a bemused bird called “Cheese”, solemnly declaring that he will spare it from Christmas dinner. As it happened, the Obama girls’ teenage ennui prompted the wrath of a Republican staffer called Elizabeth Lauten, who wrote a Facebook post fuming that they should “try showing a little class”; “dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at the bar. And certainly don’t make faces during televised public events”, she raged. The ticking-off sparked an international conversation about the comportment of first children — and one which, thankfully, came down on the girls’ side (Lauten, unsurprisingly, resigned shortly after).

There was nothing new about Turkeygate. Jimmy Carter’s youngest child, bespectacled nine-year-old Amy, was criticised for reading books during a state dinner in 1977. Carter’s successor, Ronald Reagan, was stung by revelations that his son Ron had dropped out of Yale to become a ballet dancer, raising the hackles of conservative onlookers and probably prompting uncharitable jokes about “Nancy’s boy”. “I don’t think I’m at all flamboyant,” Ron was forced to say, while his mother remarked: “My son being in ballet is not a political statement, nor does it say anything about his masculinity.”

But the biggest terrors of White House teenagedom have to be the Bush twins, Barbara and Jenna. Nineteen at the time of their father’s inauguration, they were half-hounded, half-admired for their apparent drunken antics. Jenna’s boyfriend was ferried home by Secret Service agents after being arrested for public drunkenness; there were stories of weed-smoking, fake IDs and spring-break sprees in Mexico. In 2001, they were busted for trying to order drinks at a restaurant in Austin, weeks after Jenna was arrested for “holding a bottle of beer” in a nightclub. Needless to say, this tells us much more about the bizarre puritanism of American drinking laws than the twins’ deviance. “She turned up in court in a low-cut black shirt, pink Capri trousers and a toe ring,” The Guardian’s Katie Roiphe effused in her weird coverage, typical of the genre. That same reporter describes the Bush twins as “southern party girls exuding a kind of plump lazy sexuality, evoking warm nights and big cars, chewing gum and margaritas”. Elsewhere, she described the moment Jenna “almost fell out of her strapless dress” at a White House event. The frenzy around the Bush twins’ sexiness and hedonism is part of a national pastime — slobbering over the cult of the cheerleader, of the prom queen, the rogue, corruptible element of an all-American family.

This, above anything, explains the character of our fascination with White House children. It is a defilement fantasy; a delightful sense of risk, of protocol collapsing in the face of unruly teen wilfulness. For the girls, there is always an added sexualising element — the politeness and conservatism of the first family set-up is tantalising set-dressing for predatory gazes (“all grown up!”). Teenagers have a unique inability to hide emotions — they are aware but guileless, they betray the ridiculousness at the heart of political pageantry. They are seen as firebrands because they are not tamed by convention, and have not yet learned to grease. Their extreme sensitivity to irony was once a PR pitfall — now, it has become an asset.

Barron Trump pushing his father into the world of the internet edgelord is a sign of the times, in that traditional political processes have collapsed; never before would a presidential hopeful use their teenage offspring for anything other than wholesomeness votes — much less advice. Informality, saying the unsayable, is now part of the brand. Stuffed shirts are out; being “based” is in. The next leader of the free world has marketed himself as a fossilised teenager, egged on by his middle-school admirer (Musk) and steered by an actual teenager towards the edgiest kids in the bleachers.

What lies in store for Barron remains a mystery for now — but what I wouldn’t give to be at one of those NYU parties when murmurs rocket through the dorms: “You won’t believe who’s here!” Like royal courts of old, rooms must sway at a glimpse of the baron.


Poppy Sowerby is an UnHerd columnist

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Samuel Ross
Samuel Ross
28 days ago

Yawn. This article was a whole lot of nothing. The author has some skill at writing, I’m sure, but this article was a topic that didn’t let her talents shine. I have no use for paparazzi. Let the children of the famous and wealthy be.

Ethniciodo Rodenydo
Ethniciodo Rodenydo
27 days ago
Reply to  Samuel Ross

At least he is not a Kennedy

J Bryant
J Bryant
28 days ago

Poor Barron. I don’t know who he is at his core, or who he’d really like to be (he probably doesn’t know either), but it doesn’t matter in his case. He’s forever linked to his father’s reputation, like Marley’s ghost dragging around all those chains.
And then, of course, he’s 6’7″ tall. Blending in with the wallpaper (like good ole Mike Pence) isn’t really an option. All he can do is choose which sort of personality he’ll be: ultra-reactionary following in daddy’s footsteps; New Age hippie rejecting everything about his upbringing; late-night pitchman for over-priced junk you don’t need.
Sadly, the author tells us little about Barron; he remains an International Man of Mystery. Perhaps she can go undercover at his college and dig out the dirt. I’m pretty sure Barronology is a viable niche in on-line journalism.

Norfolk Sceptic
Norfolk Sceptic
27 days ago
Reply to  J Bryant

Children of famous politicians (even royalty) could always try their luck at a STEM subject: someone has to, if the West is to recover!

And they would be so different from everyone else in the political bubble: they may even escape it.

I’ve just thought of RFK jnr: he has done well, but has just returned to the Bubble, with a much better understanding of what needs to be fixed.

If only the UK could have a knowledgeable few in the Climate / NET Zero space. It would make a difference.

Katharine Eyre
Katharine Eyre
27 days ago

Woke up this morning feeling flat, tired, achy and middle-aged. Thanks for reminding me that being in your 20s isn’t all that. I don’t miss any of that caper.

On a separate note, I tried Theo Von’s podcast and didn’t get on with it. Of the “bro” podcasts, I liked Ruthless the best.

Finally, Chelsea Clinton was treated horribly, I remember that. Part of the general excesses of the 90s I guess.

Josef Švejk
Josef Švejk
27 days ago

I thought this was a very good article and I’m an old grouch. I just wish I was 18 again.

Billy Bob
Billy Bob
27 days ago
Reply to  Josef Švejk

Anything under 30 was the golden years, until the missus and kids turned up and completely destroyed the social life!
As for the article I enjoyed it, and I’ve always found it rather uncomfortable way the yank politicians push their kids into the spotlight. Families should be off limits as far as I’m concerned

Chris Whybrow
Chris Whybrow
27 days ago

Barron still comes across as less of a douche than Hafez Al Assad Junior. That man looks like he flogs crypto.

Addie Shog
Addie Shog
27 days ago

Well that’s five minutes I’m never getting back.

Rosemary Throssell
Rosemary Throssell
27 days ago

I can’t believe I wasted time reading this drivel.

Jo Jo
Jo Jo
27 days ago

All very smart mouthed. Subscription cancelled.

Dengie Dave
Dengie Dave
27 days ago

This isn’t writing, it’s sneering, by someone who seems to think being snide and mocking physical appearance is wit.Nasty.

Chipoko
Chipoko
22 days ago
Reply to  Dengie Dave

I totally agree. Snide writing reflects on the author not her subject.

UnHerd Reader
UnHerd Reader
26 days ago

Enjoyed that

stacy kaditus
stacy kaditus
19 days ago

This is the longest “media” article i have encountered about Baron Trump and the only one that gives the kid’s skin any mention. Not one other has been critical of him