But there was also lots of dream material that Artemidorus collected which people still dream about today: family members, employers, journeys, animals, drunkenness, death and, of course, sex. Artemidorus’ writings on sex tickled Freud and Foucault no end, but don’t let that put you off. Indeed, this part of the book is so wild it is difficult to include too much of it on a respectable publication such as UnHerd.
Artemidorus is not very interested in female sexuality it must be said, but he does include multiple analyses of men having sex with their mothers in various permutations of intercourse, and without any of Freud’s pretentious references to Greek tragedy. The practical, hard-headed Artemidorus rather insists that this flavor of oneiric coitus has a “multifaceted complexity” allowing it degree of analysis which has “escaped many of the dream interpreters”, which he then proceeds to expound upon in graphic yet clinical detail.
For instance, says Artemidorus, not only is it important to consider the sexual position when foretelling the future, but also whether or not your mother is alive in the dream. A face-to-face/alive combo is bad, indicating that you will fall out with father; however, if your father is in poor health then the dream indicates he will die, as it shows you “presiding” over your mother. Dreams of sex with your mother while she is dead are worse, needless to say: they indicate that you, the dreamer, will die.
As Artemidorus’ helpfully points out, the earth is your “mother” and the dream shows that you are returning to her. Oral sex was highly frowned upon in Artemidorus’ day and so Mother-son fellatio is still worse: it foretells death for your children, the loss of all your property, or a serious illness. Lest anyone doubts the seriousness of the threat, he supplies sceptical readers with the evidence: he knew of a man who was castrated after having this dream.
Far better to dream of sleeping on a dunghill: for the poor man this indicates a future in which he will acquire property, while the rich man can look forward to being appointed to high office (all members of the public make a contribution to the dunghill, you see). Being shat upon by a rich man, is a good thing as it means that, like in the dream, you will receive some of his… uh… stuff. Move over, Alain de Botton: that’s some heavy status anxiety right there.
But what can Artemidorus possibly tell us today, in this era of pandemic and other panics? It’s unlikely many will look to him to foretell our futures, though you can learn a lot about life in second century Asia Minor: dreams being visual, he inadvertently opens a window on a colourful past filled with details found in no other ancient authors.
That’s pretty good; I think it definitely makes him worth reading. As for me, however, I am fascinated by the underlying structure of Artemidorus’ thinking, and his approach to dream interpretation. Like most people, he only went so far in investigating his assumptions. He accepted the belief that dreams contained messages about the future; after all he was carrying on a tradition that was more than half a millennium old and which carried the weight both of custom and authority. Custom may be less defensible to us today, but authority still draws a lot of water in twenty-first century town.
From that point, however, he gathered as much data as he could and tried to be as systematic as possible and so starts to seem quasi-modern. He studied the works of past masters and sought real life examples to “prove” his points, and and over the decades assembled a complex matrix for understanding the future.
This was predictive analytics, second century AD style. Yes, it was nonsense, but if someone back then wanted to assuage their anxiety about the future, what other options were there? Chickens? Entrails? The stars? You could try not believing in any of it (as Cicero had recommended two and a half centuries earlier) but humans are not great at that and it hardly solves the problem of the future: our minds, like nature, abhor a vacuum. Thus our ancestors cast around and assembled predictions from what they could lay their hands on: dreams, rich in symbols and plentiful as they are, were clearly one of the better options.
That anxiety is something deeply human. And I’m not sure that on a fundamental level we’ve changed much, if at all. Most of us, presented with the future, cast around for what we can find — a historical precedent there, a hunch here, something we read in a book there — and produce predictions at a rapid clip, only to forget them soon afterwards; pundits spit them out on a regular basis and are forgiven when none of it comes to pass. The occasional superforecaster aside, getting it right doesn’t even seem to matter that much; our visions are fuelled by anxiety, or hope, more than cool reasoning. Even our complex models are obviously incomplete, full of holes, and frequently turn out to be wrong — yet still we act on them because, well, what is the alternative?
The future is coming for us, regardless: the pandemic, and upheaval, have a ways to go yet. As for me, I continue to test my skills as a prophet, though I grow less cocky by the day. My beard, at least, is coming along nicely. It’s not quite at prophet length yet, unless you count Karl Marx (he tried, anyway.) I do feel confident making one prediction, however: it will be at Elijah-on-an-Orthodox icon levels before this is all over.
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Subscribe“keeper of the scared chickens”
Now there’s a tautology for you
“There’s nowt so queer as folk”, as we were once allowed to say.
oral sex was bad but being shat on was good ?
Those ancients were crazier than I thought