“AI friends” or “girlfriends” seem to be attracting an ever-younger audience. A new report has found that one in five boys aged 12-16 knows of a male contemporary who is in a romantic relationship with an AI companion. Meanwhile, over a third admitted that they preferred speaking to AI chatbots over their friends or family.

This is clearly worrying for several reasons. Teenagers do not have the life experience to separate fact and fiction, and may not realise that divulging their innermost thoughts to an algorithm — designed to exploit loneliness for commercial gain — isn’t a sensible idea. It becomes a deeper problem when this interaction includes an automatic, appeasing response to every moment of downtime or boredom. This is not good for anyone’s mental health, and will pervert expectations of real relationships. And it’s these real relationships that are so valuable for children at this age. Conversely, AI chatbots “deskill” vulnerable young people, who may lose the ability or motivation to socialise in real life. Why invest time and effort in real-life conversations and connections when you can retreat inside your digital comfort zone?

Yet we need to ask why these AI chatbots are so appealing to young people, particularly young boys. This might partly be due to social stereotypes: young boys are seen to be less likely to confide in their real-world friends for fear of looking vulnerable, and have always used technology in a more introverted way.

However, something else is at play too: these frictionless AI “relationships” tap into younger generations’ naturally more risk-averse impulses. They are attractive because they are perceived as “safe”. That is, safe from judgement but also, more importantly, rejection.

For many young people, the natural fear of embarrassment that comes with navigating romantic relationships has now been exacerbated to an excruciating level. Growing up online means fear of digital humiliation, like a forgotten comment, unwanted image or awkward moment going viral. This constant scrutiny means constant reputation management. It’s no surprise that 50% of Generation Z say that their online image is always at the back of their mind when they go out socialising and drinking, while 76% feel it’s important to be in control of all aspects of their life at all times.

Is it any wonder, therefore, that so many boys and young men have “approach anxiety” — the irrational fear of starting conversations with strangers — or are more socially cautious than previous generations? It is easier than ever to second-guess every word or message, wondering how it might be judged, shared or mocked, while in just a short scroll through TikTok you can find hundreds of videos of young women vlogging the intimate details of “dating horror stories”. Naturally, some men will prefer the instant gratification of a “dream girlfriend” you can download in less than five minutes.

It may be understandable, but that does not make it acceptable. We have to resist this shrinking of the real world, and with it the possibility of taking risks to build resilience. Otherwise, we risk a whole generation of young people indoctrinated in the easy, indulgent behaviours of online life but unable to function in their real one.

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Kristina Murkett is a freelance writer and English teacher.

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