The Slate letter suggests a heterosexual woman, attracted to men but repelled by contemporary sexual politics. If Hinlickey’s analysis is accurate (and countless articles like this one about dating in the Tinder age do little to contradict it) then this perspective is both understandable and tragic.

The only way out of the mutually assured destruction of antagonistic dating culture, Hinlickey argues, is virginity: “a refusal to exploit or be exploited.” Far from being a state of oppression or repression, she argues, “That is real, and responsible, power.”

The Slate columnist’s response did not suggest celibacy. Chastity is perhaps the last remaining corner of countercultural taboo in the well-churned mud of the sexual revolution. But it may be gaining traction: a Guardian article published this week profiles women who found their lives improved after giving up sex. And Hinlickey’s piece, written by a Christian 20 years ago, finds a contemporary echo in the 4chan ‘coomer’ meme, which depicts porn-addicted ‘coomers’ as dissolute, mindless drone-slave consumers.

The ‘coomer’ meme evolved into an annual ‘#nofap’ challenge, in which participants take a pledge to avoid orgasm for an entire month. Meanwhile, in the mainstream, sexual self-control appears to be so offensive to moral orthodoxy that both Vice and Rolling Stone magazine have published articles claiming that #nofap evidences (in the words of Vice) “a connection between abstinence and fascism”.

The Slate advice columnist suggested the lonely heterophobe might try pansexual websites or group sex parties. She should ‘have fun’, he says, in the expectation that sooner or later the solution would appear in the form of “some big-dicked puppy dog of a straight guy who’s read some theory”. Opting out meanwhile did not seem to be an option. Whether on Tinder or Grindr, it seems only fascists refuse to put out.

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Mary Harrington is a contributing editor at UnHerd.

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