Forget Donald Trump, the Southport killer, or Tommy Robinson. The lead storyline this week was Centrist Dads’ cheese dream, or perhaps a lost Wallace and Gromit plotline: 950 wheels of artisan cheddar were stolen from Neal’s Yard Dairy in London.
My heart goes out to the producers and retailers affected by this scam; I have only made one or two jokes about organised gangs of criminal Labradors. But wherever the stolen cheese has been taken, the story invites questions. How could cheese have come to warrant a sophisticate heist? Is there really enough of a ruthless, well-heeled underground cheese cognoscenti in Russia or the Middle East to warrant sending tons of stolen cheddar there, as one producer speculated?
And yet it clearly is that meaningful. And this is because artisan cheesemaking — artisan everything, really — has become a paradoxical phenomenon, which turns place-bound rootedness and a meaning-rich life into products, which are then sold at a premium to people who got rich by stripping precisely those qualities from their own and everyone else’s lives.
For the cheesemakers themselves, the meaning of cheese seems to be social as well as gastronomic and economic. One of the affected cheesemakers lamented the way the robbery represented a “violation of the atmosphere of good faith and respect that all of Neal’s Yard Dairy’s trading relationships have personified over the years”. Artisan cheesemaking, he said, is “a world where one’s word is one’s bond”. But considered end-to-end, it’s also true that such high social trust and lovingly craft-oriented communities as artisan cheesemakers rely, for their existence, on wealth that’s often generated by parasitising on exactly that kind of trust.
It’s not a coincidence that Neal’s Yard Dairy is in Covent Garden, the high-gloss, brand-heavy cultural epicentre of the great London economic centrifuge. London is more or less the only economic bright spot in a Britain that would, if you subtracted the capital, have a per capita income on a par with Mississippi, America’s poorest state. The capital makes the lion’s share of its money in services, especially finance, IT, management consultancy, and related professional services. It is also, according to Oliver Bullough, epicentre of our national transformation into the world’s obsequious butler and financial facilitator, in which capacity it offers a large and shady ecosystem dedicated to laundering credibility, assets, property, and dodgy money for the world’s criminals, oligarchs, and tyrants.
The sparkle on the surface of this cut-throat, financialised, and often deeply dodgy economy is the many appealing, appetising, and delicious products available for sale in its retail shops. Such products, especially the gastronomic ones, often place special emphasis on provenance and other intangible values. Meanwhile, the entrepreneurs with the mix of aesthetic, moral and commercial vision required to bring such products to the lucrative London market are often drawn from a distinctive subset of the creative class: one characterised by social researcher Louis Elton as “Bopea” or “bohemian peasant”.
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SubscribeNeal’s Yard is outstanding cheese, and apparently yet another indicator of our slide into neofuedalism. Sounds snarky when I put it like that but I actually did love the article.
I only subscribed to this site to read Mary on cheese. I was not disappointed.
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And when MH eventually moves on to pastures new, I don’t doubt UnHerd will invite Liz Truss to be the resident Cheese writer.
“the Cool Britannia era [was] the very moment Britain’s economy began its long slide.”
No…in fact the British economy began its ‘long slide’ (relatively speaking) in the late 19th century (largely as a result of its bougeoisie’s almost unique disdain for its technologist and engineering caste). And Britain today would almost certainly have been a better place now, had ignorant media-class ‘workshop of the world’ sentimentality not prevented it from facing up the the fact all those decades ago.
Excellent comments . I would say it started when Dr Arnold of Rugby chose classics as the basis of public school education not maths and science which took place in mid 1850s I believe.
Also post WW2 most university scientists developed a contempt for profit ; only pure science was worthy of study.
As a self-confessed cheese freak (i sprinkle it on almost everything) my life would be meangless without it.
Cheese is a sign of civilisation and if Neal’s Yard is now situated in Covent Garden rather than Neal’s backyard, it’ll finally have supplanted the cheesiness of the Royal Opera House.
I am the Nelson Bunker Hunt of Cathedral City but some might question whether it is cheese
Neal’s Yard is a great place to smell and sample. When you get it home away from the atmosphere it loses it’s flavour.
In short, A definition for the times. The price of everything, the value of nothing.
It’s not mad to want your cheese to be made by someone who cares about cheese. Or to value the opinions of someone who actually cares about the truth.
Their crackers are good but there are better places for cheese. And with good cheese, who needs crackers?
One thing I’ve discovered about the rather pleasant “Bopea” lifestyle is that it’s bloody expensive, so the actual peasants are conveniently excluded.
Exactly – forget Botox, bling and weekends in Dubai. Wafting around in a mud coloured smock, snotty babe one one hip and a jug of moonshine on the other is how the truly wealthy like to enjoy life. There will be an unfinished novel on the go, maybe a bit of pottery. Aesthetically, there may not be a huge difference between the Blairite cheese making centrist dad and the Trump voting survivalist bringing back a brace of squirrel for dinnner. And if only Blair really had been just a Middle East cheese envoy.
“between high-end brands for the wealthy and shonky ones for everyone else”
Is shonky really a word, or did Mary just make that up?
An inquiring Yank wants to know
It was a word where I grew up in Australia, meaning something or someone that was dodgy, a bit shady. It seems to have taken on new layers of meaning in Mary’s prose.
Ben Gunn to Jim Hawkins on their first meeting: “Marooned three years agone and lived on goats since then, and berries, and oysters.Wherever a man is, says I, a man can do for himself. But, mate, my heart is sore for a Christian diet. You mightn’t happen to have a piece of cheese about you, now? no? Well, many’s the long night I’ve dreamed of cheese – toasted, mostly – and woke up again, and here I were.”
It’s not just cheese; we’ve seen the same pattern with beer, bread and other commodities. We’re sold industrially produced cr*p until most people come to think it’s normal, then the real thing (i.e. grown and nurtured in a natural, healthy environment or manufactured by craftsmen who know and care about what they’re doing) is marketed as a “premium” product with a hefty price tag. Where did we in the UK go wrong? It doesn’t seem to have been so much of a problem in, say, France or Italy.
Britain was the first country to be mainly urban. Britain was 80% urban by 1900 so we were the first country to develop processing of food and for women to work in factories. Britain went through two world wars and had rationing until 1953. We caught the American pre-cooked/process meals fad in the 1960s. American and British feminism was against women cooking.
Historically ( read Arthur Bryant ) British cooking was simple and based on vast amounts of meat, cheese and beer. Soldiers in 18th century had a ration of 1lb of beef per day.
The consequence of the above meant cooking standards declined from mid 19th century.
One can still occasionally get pecorino (sheep’s milk) cheeses from Sardinia that show every sign of having been made by some dangerous looking shepherd with dirty hands and a ready shotgun, and aged in some God-forsaken cave.
The cheeses are shockingly, heart-breakingly delicious.
With any luck the private equity strip-miners won’t even notice the guy with the shotgun or his spider cave.
Well the provenance and meaningfulness of cheese is far more substantial than this confected froth.
Artisan sounds like a self-important euphemism. It’s cheese. It has been made by hand for centuries, which is what artisan means but without the pretentiousness. And I’m someone who likes cheese. My wife considers it a stand-alone food group.
TLDR
And I generally think Harrington is brilliant, but it’s been a minute…
In Canada lately it has been butter. Just google butter heist Canada.
As to the quality of cheese, I have a biological cheese evaluation machine. The cat. If the cheese is good, the cat shows up instantly.
So I admit, along with beer I pay more for cheese.
(the cat approves of this message)
‘The lead storyline this week was Centrist Dads’ cheese dream’
A great distraction from literally everything important.
‘My heart goes out to the producers and retailers affected by this scam; I have only made one or two jokes about organised gangs of criminal Labradors’
‘which turns place-bound rootedness and a meaning-rich life into products, which are then sold at a premium to people who got rich by stripping precisely those qualities from their own and everyone else’s lives.’
Your heart goes out to the retailers while slagging off their customers.
According to Mary the types that like nice cheese also want to strip your life of meaning and remove your sense of’ place bound rootedness’ and will get rich at your expense, their lives have no meaning and they have no sense of place themselves – what a load of socialist nonsense.
Many people like nice cheese, let’s not turn cheese into a class war. Especially since the author is probably the sort that can also afford nice expensive cheese. It doesn’t really land very well. Probably like the labrador jokes.
‘But wherever the stolen cheese has been taken, the story invites questions. How could cheese have come to warrant a sophisticate heist?’
It’s worth a lot of money. Perhaps it was an easy
lift. That is normally why people steal things.
This was painful to get through.
Cropwell Bishop is fine for me, if it is not too mature.
I suppose we all dream of the perfect crime. This has got to be someone’s dream come true, and I would have to admit that I would have been willing to be one of the getaway drivers if I was able to remember the drive on the left thing. Like stealing the Mona Lisa (successfully) you are left with the problem of ‘what to do with it?’ The fencing defies easy logic. Can’t stay local, hard to transport 24 tons of cheese/390 wheels any distance, hard to mask the smell (I don’t care if it is a bomb-sniffing dog, it will SIT on first contact with that truck). Perhaps the article appears on Unherd as it is the type of place that would precisely attract that kind of deliciously criminal mind. I guess I’ll have to wait a few years to see if my answer materializes on Britbox. In the meantime, if anyone is in the know and has not been followed, I’m in for a wheel, mum’s the word.
FACT CHECK: Even *with* the inclusion of London, and contra the author, British per capita income is on a par with (or actually slightly lower than) Mississippi.