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Why I’m sticking with Joe His lack of oratorical gifts is a blessing

We did it, Joe. (Tierney L. Cross/Bloomberg/Getty)

We did it, Joe. (Tierney L. Cross/Bloomberg/Getty)


July 13, 2024   4 mins

Remember Kamala Harris laughing throatily on the phone to Joe Biden after theyā€™d dumped Trump in 2020? ā€œWe did it, Joe. We did it. Youā€™re gonna be the next President of the United States.ā€

Erotic, I thought. The hottest words a woman could ever speak to a man. ā€œWe did it, Joe.ā€

It roused and upset me all at once. Here was a moment I would never experience. No woman would ever tell me I was going to be the next President of the United States.

I canā€™t speak for Donald Trump, but I guess he must have been pretty upset too. Not only because Biden winning meant that he had lost, but because no one was ever going to say ā€œWe did it, Donald.ā€

ā€œWeā€?

Is there such a word as ā€œweā€ in the small, cruel Trump lexicon? With whom would Trump ever share a victory? There, in one brief clip, as Kamala Harrisā€™s joy exploded into the phone, was the tragi-comedy of Donald Trumpā€™s whole existence: the thing his crazed-egoism would exclude him from forever ā€” the sound of warm companionable laughter. The music of sharing.

At the time I half-wished the world would end there and then. Not only so that Kamala Harris and Joe Biden would be spared the inevitable anti-climax of what ā€œdoing itā€ entailed, but so that we too could go to sleep with the sweet smell of success in our nostrils. ā€œIf it were now to die, ā€™twere now to be most happy,ā€ says Othello when he is reunited with Desdemona. Some moments are so incontestably happy ā€” seeing a belovedā€™s face after a long absence; writing the last words ofĀ MiddlemarchĀ orĀ Little Dorrit; beating Donald Trump ā€” they should not be spoiled by any aftermath. See Naples and die.

To ask for Biden to step down is to remember him as he was and conserve his past victories against the havoc wreaked by time. You would think that very thought must have crossed his own mind more than once. Only losers want a re-match. Tell him that, Jill. Tell him to sit in his chair, put his old feet in a bucket of Radox therapy soak, smoke a cigar, sip an Irish whisky and drop off, savouring the glory that was. Tell him not to give Trump even a sniff of getting the last laugh. Unless, of course, there is some jealousy of Kamala Harris in play and this time Jill wants to be the one who says ā€œWe did it, Joe.ā€

But there is another way of looking at this. The reasons Biden should not go on are, if we choose to take the world ironically, the very reasons he should stick it out. Even slurring his words at 81 he makes more sense than Trump ever did at 40. Despite his lapses and confusions, with Biden you feel his words had meaning once upon a time. They reach back to a world of intelligibility he once moved in. They are whatā€™s left after a catastrophe. They are the noble ruins of an edifice that once stood proudly. With Trump, on the other hand, nothing is forgotten because nothing was ever there. He is not the trace or ruin of anything grander. He is the ruin of a ruin.

“Donald Trump is not the trace or ruin of anything grander. He is the ruin of a ruin.”

So how about staying with Biden for the sake of keeping faith with what he no longer is? I hold this to be a principle that should guide us with the old generally. Yes, their slowness of gait is exasperating if you happen to be behind them on a crowded street; and yes, waiting for them to form a coherent answer to a question you havenā€™t asked can make you feel your own life blood is ebbing away. I know. I am one of the slow myself. But if the alternative is the young pushing you aside as they run marathons in the park, whizzing past on e-bikes which they discard when theyā€™ve run out of places to speed through, like children throwing toys out of the window and, when it comes to serious matters, jumping to conclusions which are invariably erroneous, then give me the old any time.

Where is the virtue of youth if itā€™s wasted on acceleration and where is the virtue of acceleration if thereā€™s nowhere we want to go tomorrow let alone today? When the young know nothing, we have a duty to revere the old who at least took the time to know something once.

But itā€™s not only for lacking youth and urgency that the 81-year-old Biden matters. We value him, no less, for the absence in him of a single oratorical gift. In a world of shysters and liars, Biden can proudly boast he is neither mountebank nor rabblerouser. Ask yourself what heart Biden ever quickened into rash action. Thatā€™s right ā€” you canā€™t recall one. Neither can he.

Consider the times we live in. On marches and in protests all over the world the gullible gather, mouths open, eager to be told what extremist position to take up next. Did any good ever come of a political rally? The public speaker who canā€™t be heard, who freezes and forgets his lines, is a Godsend in an inflammable world.Ā ā€œSo I ask you, comrades, to join me in condemning . . . something or other, I canā€™t remember what. Good night, go home, love one another, and donā€™t forget to feed the cat ā€” or do I mean the dog.ā€

Armageddon is only round the corner whatever we do. So letā€™s shut the jabbering world up and send time into reverse. Letā€™s pretend that the words ā€œWe did it, Joeā€ havenā€™t been spoken yet. ā€œWeā€™ll do it, Joe. One fine day weā€™ll do it.ā€ This way, at least, weā€™ll have something to look forward to.

***

This essay first appeared on Howard Jacobson’s Substack.


Howard JacobsonĀ is a Booker Prize-winning novelist.


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Right-Wing Hippie
Right-Wing Hippie
3 months ago

Just think, Joe Biden could be the memento mori of the political scene!

Arkadian Arkadian
Arkadian Arkadian
3 months ago

Top comment!

Sylvia Volk
Sylvia Volk
3 months ago

That’s all very well, but the poor thing is supposed to be running the administration and all.

Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
3 months ago

Paid clown. Probably couldnā€™t sell a car.

Zaph Mann
Zaph Mann
3 months ago

completely misses the point that this is the onset of dementia that we are witnessing… many millions of us recognise it and know that if even he’s just fit to preside now, he won’t be soon. The disease also comes with paranoia and altered reality. Pontificating about the benefits of wisdom and such just helps to prolong this this situation and hurl us towards potential calamity.

alan bennett
alan bennett
3 months ago
Reply to  Zaph Mann

The calamity has already happened, the West is in a downward spiral and it seems we cannot pull out of it.

Norfolk Sceptic
Norfolk Sceptic
3 months ago
Reply to  alan bennett

The Calamity happened a couple of decades ago, and the last year or so has had some pushback, and it has been growing against all that the Establishment has thrown at it, so there is still hope.

Local problems are turned into Global Problems, using marketing techniques, and Global Problems can only be solved by, you guessed it, Global Solutions! šŸ™‚

So start locally: that’s how to succeed.

Norfolk Sceptic
Norfolk Sceptic
3 months ago
Reply to  Zaph Mann

This ‘onset of dementiaā€™?

Are we just discussing the current WH Resident, or the Democrats, in general?

Arkadian Arkadian
Arkadian Arkadian
3 months ago
Reply to  Zaph Mann

The Word “pontificating” is telling. I can’t help but wonder whether the pontiff is in a similar situation, only he has, for now, managed to deal with it.

Hugh Bryant
Hugh Bryant
3 months ago
Reply to  Zaph Mann

The article seems to be saying Biden should be supported because of what he was. But he’s never been much more than a third rate hack – and quite probably a deeply corrupt hack at that. To pretend that he stands in virtuous contrast to Orange Man Bad is simply ludicrous.

Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
3 months ago
Reply to  Hugh Bryant

He was regarded a joke – ā€œ the stupidest man on The Hill – for his entire ā€œcareerā€. As soon as they kick him out – I give it a week – theyā€™ll end his drug cocktail and heā€™ll die – unmourned by the cabal that did this to him.

Sylvia Volk
Sylvia Volk
3 months ago
Reply to  Hugh Bryant

Yes. “Re-elect Biden because he’s just like the old car I’ve got up on blocks in my backyard; it was never much but I remember buying it and bursting with so much pride …”

James S.
James S.
3 months ago
Reply to  Hugh Bryant

Joseph Biden has never been nor will ever be in the first rank of American politicians. Barack Obama himself put it best: ā€œNever underestimate Joeā€™s ability to fā€”- thing up.ā€

Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
3 months ago
Reply to  Zaph Mann

With respect, itā€™s not ā€œonsetā€. Heā€™s been impaired for years; that was his value to the party.

Nathan Sapio
Nathan Sapio
3 months ago

This is the single most subtle, sophisticated political prose is have read in 20 years. I’m I’m astonished.

Seeing the title I could just think, “really?”. But it was devastating and convincing all at the same time. What a work of art, bravo.

J Bryant
J Bryant
3 months ago
Reply to  Nathan Sapio

You might be right, but I read it as straightforward satire.

Stephanie Surface
Stephanie Surface
3 months ago
Reply to  J Bryant

Actually I think Nathanā€™s comment had to be satire too.

T Bone
T Bone
3 months ago
Reply to  Nathan Sapio

Well written. It was emblematic of a tragic romantic ideology that’s clearly caused more harm than good.

Matt Hindman
Matt Hindman
3 months ago

I was resisting the urge to slam my head into my desk while reading this. I at least thought that I might get to read an interesting evaluation based on political reasoning and electoral viability. There was supposed be arguments and persuasion following this sort of headline. Heck, it should make the case for others doing the same. It does not matter if his politics might be different than mine. I want something interesting and thoughtful to engage with. That is not what I got. The sad summary of why he is sticking with Biden is, “I have an overemotional and fragile ego.” That’s it! Why is this here?

Arkadian Arkadian
Arkadian Arkadian
3 months ago
Reply to  Matt Hindman

I started skimming the article at a faster and faster rate as I went on.

Josef Å vejk
Josef Å vejk
3 months ago

To further give me indigestion the author mis-spelt “whiskey” as it is drunk everywhere except north of Hawick.

UnHerd Reader
UnHerd Reader
3 months ago
Reply to  Matt Hindman

Yes, I got one paragraph into it and wanted to slam my head on the desk too!
In fact this article should be reported for causing brain damage.

Norfolk Sceptic
Norfolk Sceptic
3 months ago
Reply to  Matt Hindman

At least the article’s heading forewarned us! (Thank you.)

I expected it to be a satirical piece, but now I’m not so sure, though I expect Howard won’t have a very happy November or, even October.

Robert
Robert
3 months ago
Reply to  Matt Hindman

“Erotic, I thought. The hottest words a woman could ever speak to a man. ā€œWe did it, Joe.ā€”

I didn’t get past this bit!

Alex Lekas
Alex Lekas
3 months ago
Reply to  Robert

Seriously. What was that?

Carissa Pavlica
Carissa Pavlica
3 months ago
Reply to  Robert

Kind of threw up in my mouth a little at that point.

Damon Hager
Damon Hager
3 months ago

Me too, and I’m a man.

Ethniciodo Rodenydo
Ethniciodo Rodenydo
3 months ago
Reply to  Matt Hindman

May be the author is also senile

James S.
James S.
3 months ago

Looks like an older Boomer. Add this to Lee Siegelā€™s tripe, and Iā€™d say that Unherd is batting 0 for 2 this weekend.

Danny Kaye
Danny Kaye
3 months ago
Reply to  Matt Hindman

I do believe that Mr. Jacobson is telling Mr. Biden in his quirky, humorous way, that he should drop out.

Brian Kneebone
Brian Kneebone
3 months ago

If the current crop of protesters keep at it long enough maybe they will forget their lines and stumble over their cans of protest paint, needing a gentle hand to march off to oblivion.

Dr E C
Dr E C
3 months ago

What a waste of 30 seconds.

Alex Lekas
Alex Lekas
3 months ago
Reply to  Dr E C

That’s what she said to the author.

Dr E C
Dr E C
3 months ago
Reply to  Alex Lekas

šŸ™‚

Coder Soze
Coder Soze
3 months ago

One of the those articles you go straight to the comments to confirm it was a waste of time

David Gardner
David Gardner
3 months ago
Reply to  Coder Soze

Yes, Unherd seems to be on a downward spiral, along with many of its writers.

Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
3 months ago
Reply to  David Gardner

Yeah. I loved it initially, but have stopped recommending it to others. Whoā€™s running this joint?

C Yonge
C Yonge
3 months ago
Reply to  Coder Soze

exactly

Nanda Kishor das
Nanda Kishor das
3 months ago

Is this a parody?

Michael McElwee
Michael McElwee
3 months ago

No.

The right is known for throwing the charge of nihilism at the left, but here is a person on the left (it seems) throwing the charge of nihilism at the right. And what a throw! Marx accusing Burke of belief in nothing. It is a delicious thing to behold. For it suggests we have come full circle. It reminds one of Sherlock Holmes wearing the mask of Moriarty while Moriarty wore the mask of Sherlock Holmes. BTW, the article is not at all poorly written.

Brendan Mc Sweeney
Brendan Mc Sweeney
3 months ago

Irish whiskey, not whisky.

David L
David L
3 months ago

Is it progressive nutjob day at Unherd today?

0 01
0 01
3 months ago

This election is like Freddy vs Jason, it dose not matter who wins, were all screwed ether way.

Caroline Galwey
Caroline Galwey
3 months ago

Good God. What happened? I scurried to my bookshelf to check if this is indeed the same Howard Jacobson who wrote The Finkler Question. It is. Can someone please give him his brain back?
Never mind Trump. If the once-great USA has got to the point where its choice of leader is Trump or a man who effectively no longer exists, we might as well just crawl into the bunker, make sure the pills are ready to hand and turn off the lights.

Kirk Susong
Kirk Susong
3 months ago

“Classic TDS. Take two and call me in the morning.”
But two what? What is the red pill for this strange, unhinged, overwrought political syndrome, so peculiar to our age? A little Thomas Sowell? Perhaps some Edmund Burke? Maybe just some American socio-political history? Read up on the Kingfish and FDR and Boss Tweed, on the ‘Cross of Gold’ and Andrew Jackson, on Walt Kelly and Ernie Pyle and Mark Twain?
There are so many bits and pieces of America (good and bad) that you can see shimmering in the big blonde bouffant of Orange Man Bad. He’s just the particular, peculiar expression of a long-running and very important theme in American political life: somebody gotta stand up and say, the people who think they know it all don’t know nuttin’.
The success of this strategy is inversely correlated with the humility and self-awareness of the people who think they know it all.

Ian Lane
Ian Lane
3 months ago
Reply to  Kirk Susong

Top comment! About 1000x more insightful than this dreadful, smug, condescending article.

Ellen Evans
Ellen Evans
3 months ago

Mr. Jacobson seems as demented as Faux Joe. He actually admires incompetence and conveniently “disremembers” the Grinch-bag full of Faux Joe’s legions of lies.
What a waste of minutes this was.

alan bennett
alan bennett
3 months ago

Biden a hair sniffing pervert who sold his country out for money.

Biden a weak and characterless man who is now an empty husk.

Yet this writer waxes lyrically over this stain on humanity, look at the damage to the world.

All this just to express a viseral loathing for Trump, does he get off on this loathing, it seems perilously close to some sort of fetish.

andy young
andy young
3 months ago

I love Howard, but I’m afraid this is garbage.

Anna Clare Bryson
Anna Clare Bryson
3 months ago
Reply to  andy young

Agree. I fear that Howard has more than a touch of TDS.

Daniel P
Daniel P
3 months ago

If this is what voting for Biden gets us then I see ever more reason to vote for RFK.

The dems have become a party of toxic, disconnected, nasty, petty fools more expert at gaslighting the public than representing its interests.

Is Trump a jerk? Yep

Do I care? Not really, I am not looking to live with him and he is not marrying my daughter.

Was he effective as a president? Generally yes.

Does that matter to me? Yep

Were his policies popular? Generally yes and more popular than he was.

I’m not voting for a pope, I am not even really voting for a man, I am voting for a set of policies I agree with and want executed effectively.

Lancashire Lad
Lancashire Lad
3 months ago
Reply to  Daniel P

Just about the most balanced and sane description of Trump and how to view him that i’ve read.

Chipoko
Chipoko
3 months ago

What a load of crap!

Mark Royster
Mark Royster
3 months ago

Joe and Donald are like Rorschach tests. Our opinions say far more about us than about them.

J S
J S
3 months ago

Lovely. Except unfortunately it’s… Joe Biden you’re talking about. Elected as a caretaker to right the ship, governed (absently) as a cynical leftist- who kept many of Trump’s inane policies.

david lee ballard
david lee ballard
3 months ago

Theyā€™re not trying to elect Joe, because Joe isnā€™t all there and will not likely make it through a second term – theyā€™re trying to pre-elect Kamala.

UnHerd Reader
UnHerd Reader
3 months ago

Is this article supposed to be parody? Just wondering.

Alex Lekas
Alex Lekas
3 months ago

One question to this delusion disguised as deep thought: is the average American better off than he/she was four years ago? The 1% is, to be sure. The average Joe and Jane, not so much.
For all the slow people who buy this stuff, remember this: Kamala was summarily rejected by her party in 2020, picking up not one delegate in the primaries. She had to bail out long before the California primary. Joe, meanwhile, was stumbling in his basement until one James Clyburn decided Biden was the only hope.
Whatever one thinks of either Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren, both were and remain lucid. Both were doing better than the floundering Biden. Then again, the party that perpetually wails about “our democracy” is the party that features superdelegates in its nominee anointment process and loves the unelected, unaccountable administrative state.

Alan Gore
Alan Gore
3 months ago

The age problem is not much kinder to Trump than it is to Biden, which is why in this contest between Tyrannosaurus and Apatosaurus, I’m supporting the asteroid. Biden, resign in favor of Harris. Trump, resign in favor of Ramaswamy. Now whoever wins, we’ll have a race that our country can be proud of.

John Galt
John Galt
3 months ago

> Did any good ever come of a political rally?

I read all this in disbelief but to be honest this sentence hear takes the cake. This coming from the party of BLM and Antifa is so brazenly non-sensical that I think it alone stands as it’s own condemnation of the article.

Shoel Silver
Shoel Silver
3 months ago

There is some merit in Howard Jacobson’s suggestion that today’s Biden remain in the public eye, as a reminder of a more noble past. Possibly Jacobson wishes to remember Biden’s past affection for Britain, as evidenced by his channeling Neil Kinnock.

But it doesn’t follow that Biden should continue as President. There are other positions that would fulfill Jacobson’s wish just as effectively; for instance, as permanent Guest Host of Saturday Night Live. That would give Biden the weekly opportunity to receive the acclaim of his constituency, which may also have therapeutic value for him as he deals with his condition.

Alexander van de Staan
Alexander van de Staan
3 months ago

One would expect such psycho-sexual drivel from the Gay Furies. We are living in the ruins of a once great Western civilization based on Judeo-Christian morality and laws (including its secular offshoot, humanism) because the intelligentsia under the Obama and Biden administrations have deconstructed it. You’d think Mr. Jacobson would have noticed the viral antisemitism unleashed by his fellow travelers as just one of the symptoms.

Thor Albro
Thor Albro
3 months ago

Whole lot of humorless commentators here unable to appreciate wit or irony. I thought this was a less than serious article and quite enjoyable.

Steven Carr
Steven Carr
3 months ago

‘Remember Kamala Harris laughing throatily…’
Starting a piece about voting for Biden/Harris by talking about Harris’s laugh illustrates just how far gone Jacobson must be.
And then saying it was ‘erotic’???

V Solar
V Solar
3 months ago

He’s talking about the death of wisdom and good will. … I think

William Braden
William Braden
3 months ago

Again, we are shown Trump, the scary monster that sells people on Biden. But the awfulness of Trump is irrelevant if Biden can’t defeat him. Which he can’t.

Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
3 months ago

Holy sh*t. Can someone please do a wellness check on Howard? This is bananas.

Samuel Ross
Samuel Ross
3 months ago

I can go to the nearest nut house to listen to diatribes like this. I don’t have an Unherd subscription to read a rant masquerading as an “article” which can be found in any far-left news site. The only thing this author convinces me of is that he is deranged with hate, and not too smart.

Michael Marron
Michael Marron
3 months ago

This is a joke, right?

Pete Marsh
Pete Marsh
3 months ago

I diagnose the author as having a severe case of TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome).

Walter Egon
Walter Egon
3 months ago

What utter drivel

Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden
3 months ago

He is as good at stirring up violence as he alleges Mr Trump to be. I’ve watched him since day one and Biden is particularly taken with the rhetoric of civil division.
In a wider frame, his entire foreign policy is about stirring up violence, or letting it happen passively in order to pursue longer-term geopolitical goals.
Senile or otherwise, Biden is an extremely dangerous and destructive elder statesman. As far as the British are concerned, they and their media have a complete blindspot as regards neoconservative foreign policy and the longstanding corruption of the Biden family.

Pequay
Pequay
3 months ago

This article is excruciatingly dreadful, and makes me question whether to continue my subscription.

Philip Burrell
Philip Burrell
3 months ago

BTL comments display a worrying lack of any sense of humour. Have none of you ever read one of Howard’s novels or columns before? So sad to be so serious all the time.

Richard Ross
Richard Ross
3 months ago

Well, I made it halfway thru in my zeal to reach the comments – which did not disappoint!
Anyone who can find an “erotic” moment between Joe and Kamala needs their subscription revoked – never mind the privilege of authorship.

John Riordan
John Riordan
3 months ago

Do f*** off Howard, you pompous clown.

Studio Largo
Studio Largo
3 months ago

This tripe is even worse than Oliver Bateman’s fawning tongue bath from last week. Is UnHerd deliberately running these pieces to give Biden groupies the opportunity to show themselves as the incoherent, reality-denying asses that they really are?

Mike Adam
Mike Adam
3 months ago

Howard could have written an interesting piece advocating that liberals should vote for RFK because he is a better choice than Trump. Instead he wrote this. I had assumed that Howard was an intelligent man given his CV, but clearly not.

jane baker
jane baker
3 months ago

I’m not buying it. Even wholesale.

jane baker
jane baker
3 months ago

Well,in real actual life I never say anything so that means I must be the wisest and cleverest person in Great Britain. And of course I am. You lot deliberately ignore me and refuse to engage with me so as not to be dazzled by my intellectual superiority. I’ve never heard such a limp argument in my life. I mean if he pegs it will they be saying ..but he doesn’t need to speak,his innate authority says it all… we’ll just embalm him and prop him up. Sir Keir I am available for advice and i.work for free,just like Jesus!