Throughout the course of this pandemic, the Government has wielded many a blunt instrument, of which Matt Hancock’s “Don’t kill your gran” message was perhaps the bluntest. Yet this slogan, directed at young super-spreaders, spoke to a little-remarked upon truth about British life in the 21st century: family life is on the up, and stronger than ever.
This runs counter to the long-held and entrenched narrative that in Britain family is in decline. Its preservation was a cause for moral conservatives from Mary Whitehouse to Margaret Thatcher in the final three decades of the 20th century, worried that the permissive 1960s had triggered a loosening of values and the breakdown of the family, with rising levels of divorce and teen pregnancy.
But tell anyone under 25 of the moral battles of the Eighties and they may well switch off, so alien is it to their experience. In fact, contrary to fears that the family would wither, the opposite has happened over the past 20 years, with a quiet revolution taking place within Britain’s homes. Not only has there been a massive decrease in teenage pregnancy, as prayed for by social conservatives, and a drop in divorce rates, but a more fundamental strengthening of the family has taken place, too.
As the state has withdrawn and the housing market has become dysfunctional, more and more of us have invested in the family, creating a new culture of dependency between parent and offspring.
Britain has often been contrasted with our Mediterranean counterparts, with their trestle tables full of family. We Anglo-Saxons, supposedly, are inherently more individualistic — more likely to strike out on our own, move far from home. Historically that has been the case, but in fact, 40% of children starting primary school live fewer than 15 minutes away from their maternal grandparents. And as the cost of nursery and childminding has rocketed, grandparents have become increasingly valuable, saving parents an estimated £16 billion by providing informal childcare. During lockdown, thousands of dual-income couples struggled to care for their children without the support of now-isolated grandparents, revealing how increasingly dependent we are on our relatives.
In recent years, Britain has mirrored the rest of the Western world in shifting its economic model from the nuclear to the extended family. A third of UK households — around nine million in total — are now multi-generational (classified as more than one adult generation living under one roof). “Grannexes”, to use the neologism, are increasingly popular; some 5% of UK households are already equipped with such a space, and an additional 7% say they plan to add one. The reciprocal benefits are obvious, and if you had space for a pram, why not a wheelchair?
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SubscribeI think the headline is the wrong way around.
Brilliant Joe, really brilliant. If one concept has failed in modern western society than it’s family. The state is not failing at all in this crisis, it just gives the stupid people what they asked for: stupid measures that don’t work because stupid people asked for them.
“When the state fails.” It’s almost like the problem is right there, staring one in the face. Who thought it was the job of “the state” to be one’s parent and guardian? Every policy decision, no matter how well-meaning, has real life consequences that are felt by those who had no role in the policy making itself.
Affluent millennials have been financially dependent on their parents like no other generation before them ” for an education, a house deposit, a wedding, support with childcare and the family crash pad if it all goes wrong.
Hmm. That’s not what “affluent” people do.
That’s how it should be. The abdication of family responsibility to the state is one of many reasons why modern life is becoming so damn atomised and miserable.
Proven over many years as survival attributes
Get married
Have kids
Go to church once a week
Perhaps the third attribute is not returning any time soon but equivalents exist-voluntary groups, charity work ,vocations etc
Interesting to watch now from the sidelines – as a “child of the 60,s” -now 75 -who never bought the total package being sold at that time
Married 51 years-didn’t divorce
3 kids -all married and working -had kids
8 grandchildren
Kids and their wives in health care, prisons and teaching plus one is a banker to pay for it all!
Did vocations replace church?
Sounds very productive – I wish them all well – especially those currently ‘in prisons’ 😉.
The church question is hard to answer – maybe there is just no room in peoples heads or schedules for it any more ….
It should be possible to go once a month. I don’t understand why people are turning away. Leftism is cited, but there are plenty of traditional churches still around. Maybe television is simply more interesting….
…but an hour a month really should be doable. If the whole population went once a month, we wouldn’t have the problem of closing churches.
Computer games? Television? I’m not sure about any activities or clubs, these seem deserted.
It doesn’t help that many people have been told that church is full of “weird people”, and I have heard of mothers disapproving of their child going into the church choir.
If they went for an hour a month, then the church would not be dying.
People don’t go to church because it is either dreary and boring (the standard C of E service) or weird and childish (the ‘happy clappies’). In either case it is dreadfully dumbed down – I once had to point out (at a parish coucil meeting) that the poor in spirit may be blessed, but I for one do not want to have to listen to their inane sermons.
An interesting article that seems to pull together a number of evolving societal trends. Of course, the British state will always fail, however much money and power it is given. So expect to see a lot more families ‘stepping in’.
I always go on holiday with parents. It is nice to be with them on holiday and do things as a family. Grandparents came with them for as long as they were able. I have paid for stuff where I can, so it is not a financial “reliance” thing for me. It is just nice to send time with people that will one day no longer be here.
Sanest post I have read tonight Geoffrey. Your parents did a wonderful job bringing up such a thoughtful man like you. I wish you and your family many more happy times together.
The reinvestment in the family is indeed an economic issue but an economic issue with a fundament of moral or religious responsibilities.
Consider the fact that there are parents who choose not to help their children because: They are bad parents. This subject is taboo in our culture. It is maybe possible to discuss fathers who abandon their children but not mothers. Still : Bad mothers exist.
And of course: There is also bad children who after a lifetime of benefits refuse to help their parents.
We would all benefit if we saw the world as it is. A place of good and bad.
Long live the family, get the state out of our lives.