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Will ‘Coronnials’ be scarred for life? Lockdown is redefining the youngest generation's relationship with the world

What's it like to grow up in the time of Corona? Credit: DANIEL MIHAILESCU/AFP via Getty Images

What's it like to grow up in the time of Corona? Credit: DANIEL MIHAILESCU/AFP via Getty Images


November 9, 2020   5 mins

Back when the first lockdown was lifted, and we entertained friends for the first time, my three-year-old son ran to the front door and shouted, “look Mummy, real people!” A few months feels like a few years to a toddler and my son hadn’t played with someone his age since restrictions set in.

We have heard a great deal about the impact of lockdown on new mothers and teenagers, but what about what it has done — and is doing — to younger children? Toddlers are, of course, endlessly adaptable; but they are also malleable: their experiences can have life-long consequences. The ‘Babies In Lockdown’ report, commissioned by three leading parenting groups and published in August, concluded that “the pandemic will cast a long shadow”, pointing to the fact that, just when they are meant to be building their social skills, emotional intelligence and confidence, children have been prevented from properly engaging with the world. They desperately need routine. And now, only a couple of months after things started getting back to normal, life has been disrupted again by this second lockdown.

I’ve definitely noticed little changes in my son’s behaviour over the past month. Largely harmless, they reveal the imprint of this pandemic on his still-emerging character. He puts on his mask when he plays shops and now scrubs his hands with a nail brush, talking about germs. I once assumed it was impossible to impose hygiene standards and social distancing rules on toddlers, but as Natasha Rawdon-Rego, founder of Wimbledon’s Oak Nursery, attests, her children have adapted — perhaps too well. “It is almost like they police each other,” she says. The physical freedom of being a toddler is being restrained and they are becoming enthusiastic enforcers. One friend’s toddler will protest when she sees crowds on TV, or people hugging; another arranges her dolls into small groups so they are appropriately spaced. When organisations like the Beavers issue Covid Codes of Conduct for children aged six to sign, it’s surely time to question the value and legitimacy of all this.

In many ways, these new rules are much worse than the ‘stranger danger’ parental paranoia of yesteryear: we are now telling kids not to physically engage with people they actually know. My three-year-old is a potential super-spreader and his grandparents are potential victims. But how different and more challenging would this pandemic have been if it had been the other way round, with children in the vulnerable category needing to shield? That was precisely the case with the polio epidemic in the first half of the twentieth century. Playgrounds were shut, swimming pools were closed, and social distancing rules were put in place, especially in middle class areas (it was found that working class kids living in less sanitary conditions were actually more immune). Did the fear and restrictions scar baby boomers for life? Not really. Most not directly touched by this epidemic can barely remember it.

All this suggests we need not fixate on the impact new societal rules are having on kids. Although it won’t convince the Covid-sceptics, evidence from Asia points to the fact that mask-wearing can actually have a positive effect on a child’s communication skills, because it makes them more perceptive of eye and facial expressions.

More important than any social rules, though, is what is going on in the home. As psychotherapist and author of The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read, Philippa Perry tells me, “the greatest shaper of a child will be their environment and the mood of their parents, so they will pick up on what is going on at home.” She adds “whether that is more lovely togetherness and family time and more attention, or more worry, fretfulness and panic, they’ll take in whatever is going on like a sponge and it will be a formative experience.”

With everyone confined to their homes, lockdown has revealed socioeconomic disparities like nothing else. Quality internet connection for schoolwork or a garden for exercise have become key social dividers. Investigations by academics at Oxford Brookes have shown the unsurprising detrimental impact the closure of free public spaces such as playgrounds and libraries has had on those families without books or a garden. They also found that toddlers from low-income families ended up having higher daily screen use than those from wealthier families. But could this be a blip we all recover from?

The youngest generation have been dubbed coronnials: born in the time of Corona to millennial parents, usually into dual income households. The defining characteristic of coronnials will not be their high standards of hygiene — or even the disruption of schoolwork — but their response to the major and lasting shift in their parents’ working patterns. Those children whose parents are able to work from home will end up seeing far more of mum and dad than any other generation before them. “For a lot of parents who work full time I think this has been a real opportunity,” observed Rawdon-Rego speaking of her families in firmly middle-class Wimbledon. “During lockdown on-line nursery, I went round the circle and asked if anyone wanted to share how they felt and one boy put his hand up. I asked him how he felt and he said ‘Happy, because my daddy doesn’t have to go to work anymore.’” So many parents who have worked from home feel that they have been gifted time, which largely explains why they are loath to return to the office. The length of this pandemic also means that new habits and new schedules are forming which are unlikely to be reversed when we return to ‘normal’ whenever and whatever that looks like.

Covid has also momentarily paused the incessant activity-driven parenting common among middle-class millennials, who have been encouraged to think that family time has to be memorable, productive and worthwhile. In perhaps a sign of the times, the Hoop app — which offers personalised lists of family activities and which had been downloaded by 1.5 million families in the UK — went out of business during lockdown and does not look likely to return. Perhaps parents have realised that all those toddler raves, samba dancing, Brazilian drumming and coding camps made for great social media posts, but in reality were exhausting and expensive. Fresh air, independent play and occasional boredom are just as rewarding.

But those whose parents are unable to work from home — which in towns like Barnsley is 8 out of 10 workers — are bound to suffer disproportionately. Services that provide childcare have been restricted or closed, while parents have been unable to lean on friends and family who might ordinarily step in to help. The impact of the stress caused by this situation should not be underestimated: an NSPCC report on the risk of child maltreatment in lockdown found that “increase in stressors to parents and care givers” could “increase the risk of physical, emotional, and domestic abuse” as well as neglect and online harm.

And for those children for whom home is not safe, lockdown has been a terrible experience. Social workers dreaded the closure of schools back in March because of the crucial structure they provide for vulnerable children. One Met police officer in Hackney tells me that in ‘normal times’ cases relating to minors are normally referrals from social workers or schools, but under lockdown his unit saw an increasing number of children ringing 999 themselves (which inevitably meant theirs were emergency or at least very serious cases). Meanwhile, social workers are finding their work is compromised by social distancing: it is very difficult to talk to a child about potential abuse or a care plan over video or in a mask.

Fortunately, schools have remained opened since the second lockdown kicked in. But other institutions are once again threatened, meaning that children will yet again be confined to home. More time spent together as a family will be the force that shapes this generation, for better or worse. Fundamentally, there will be a divide, more evident and visible as time goes on, between children whose family structures nurtured them during the great pandemic, and those whose circumstances exacerbated the crisis and compounded their disadvantages.


Eliza Filby is a speaker, writer & consultant specialising in the history of generations and the evolution of contemporary values.

@ElizaFilby

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David Uzzaman
David Uzzaman
4 years ago

Young children will probably be ok because they don’t have anything else to compare their experiences with. A whole generation just before ours spent five years with schooling and home life compromised by WW2 but I can’t remember any of them complaining. It’s the late teens and young adults who I feel most acutely for. At a time when their horizons should be opening out and they should be forging relationships they are instead being expected to stay at home. It’s cruel and I believe unnecessary. They themselves are at little risk from the virus but are expected to make sacrifices to save the old. This is a complete reversal of normal human behaviour. We oldies should behave like grown ups and individually protect ourselves or not.

Kathryn Richards
Kathryn Richards
4 years ago
Reply to  David Uzzaman

The main difference is that whilst the very young in WW2 were being protected ( as much as possible) the older teenagers were having to take responsibility.
Not for them, the parties in the street, the raves etc.
They were flying Lancaster bombers or Spitfires, fighting in France, fighting in the far east, or were prisoners.
Compare the 18 to 20 year olds of the second world war with the behaviour of the 18 – 20 year olds we see today.

Helen Hughes
Helen Hughes
4 years ago

That’s just it: young people need a sense of purpose. Taking part in the war effort by actually doing something must have given many of them this – my parents included. In contrast, in our current situation basically all meaning has been removed from their lives, and for many there wasn’t much already because of an already difficult economic situation for many of them. If the government really wants lockdowns to be effective (if they can be effective – I’m not convinced) they need to find ways to engage young people in doing something helpful, rather than telling them to do almost nothing for weeks or months and blaming them for getting restless and attempting to be fully human again.

Michael Cowling
Michael Cowling
4 years ago
Reply to  Helen Hughes

There have been effective lockdowns in China, Vietnam, and Victoria in Australia.

Helen San
Helen San
4 years ago

Effective how? When they open up “cases” and deaths increase, necessitating another lockdown. And deaths from serious life limiting illnesses such as cancer skyrocketed during the lockdowns as a result of prevention to diagnosis and treatment. I’m not seeing the effective here

Alex Lekas
Alex Lekas
4 years ago
Reply to  David Uzzaman

Young children will probably be ok because they don’t have anything else to compare their experiences with.
On the other hand, they’ll think this is normal. They’ll think that large gatherings – excuse me, certain large gatherings since the virus can apparently distinguish among church services, riots, and other mass events – are terrible things. They’ll think human contact is to be avoided.

I get the point you’re making. At the same time, we’re nearly 20 years into a policy of removing shoes in airports. All because one time, one guy attempted to do something with a pair of sneakers.

Helen San
Helen San
4 years ago

Being taught that human contact is dangerous is a toxic message for children to be growing up with.

andrew harman
andrew harman
4 years ago

I hold firmly to the belief that lockdown will be seen as an historic mistake. The reckoning and blacklash will be huge. All these middle class Grauniad readers who witter on about their now found lockdown skills are the ones whole security is more or less, as they see it, guaranteed. Group think both across and within nations across the world.

Bernard Hill
Bernard Hill
4 years ago
Reply to  andrew harman

…..all together on the long march to a tyranny of matriarchal compassion.

shinybeast1
shinybeast1
4 years ago

My sons primary school has today asked parents to wear masks for pick up /drop off. I can’t blame people for being scared to death about this whole thing, although I find it hard to understand how they can really believe the media narrative. I don’t want to upset people or scare them by not wearing a mask but I don’t want to enable this complete madness! I will give my son a kiss as he goes to school and he will be greeted by my smiling face when he comes out. All these crazy ‘just in case’ measures are completely ridiculous and more often than not only put in place to appease the fear that has been instilled in people by phoney charts and hysterical headlines.

Fraser Bailey
Fraser Bailey
4 years ago

I think we will all be scarred for life by the utter insanity and wickedness of everything the British government has done since March 2020.

Johanna Barry
Johanna Barry
4 years ago
Reply to  Fraser Bailey

They are not alone in this by any means, and I would say they have been relatively humane compared with some other regimes – the Victorian State government’s response springs to mind. Ironically that government is daily lauded by the population for their inhumane treatment of the population. I gather they would be elected back with an increased majority if there were an election.

Helen Hughes
Helen Hughes
4 years ago
Reply to  Fraser Bailey

It’s not just the British government, though, is it…

Alex Lekas
Alex Lekas
4 years ago

it’s hard to see how it can be a good thing. When little kids are essentially told that hugging a playmate is bad thing, how does that help?

Charles Rense
Charles Rense
4 years ago
Reply to  Alex Lekas

They were being told that before, albeit explained as sexual harassment.

These kids were set to be scarred already.

Ben Scott
Ben Scott
4 years ago

I hope, longer-term, all this will come round full circle…

The liberal elites, who dutifully abide by and encourage the new normal, will be too terrified to mix and thereby reproduce. The many millions who have been forced, by the liberal elites and their new normal, into poverty and slum dwelling will have long since developed immunity to this and many other diseases. These are the people who will reproduce, increase in number and strength and reclaim a world full of old normal, community and society.

(Credits roll and cue some inspirational end music!)

Alan Thorpe
Alan Thorpe
4 years ago
Reply to  Ben Scott

If it stops Boris reproducing it will be something to be grateful for.

Julian Hartley
Julian Hartley
4 years ago

Sadly, the most tangible effect is likely to be that they will be maladjusted and illiberal adults.

Gerry Fruin
Gerry Fruin
4 years ago
Reply to  Julian Hartley

Do you mean nothing will change?

Susie E
Susie E
4 years ago

Why does your three year old have a mask?! There is absolutely no need for it! I’ve kept my three year old as ignorant as I can about this whole charade in the hope that it won’t change his childhood too much. I’m also grateful that the nursery he attends has kept everything normal bar a bit of extra hand washing.
Sadly, I do believe that lockdown will have had a detrimental effect on many young children’s social skills. Whilst visiting a potential school for my son the head master mentioned that they have extra staff in reception this year due to needing to spend a larger amount of time teaching children to share and play with one another! I really feel for all those only children who couldn’t attend nursery for months on end and whose parents were trying to work from home. It’s such an important age for building social skills! I’m glad I have two young children – they formed a real bond during lock down and learnt to play together. It really took the pressure off me to be my son’s best friend- he has a little brother for that 🙂 Only time will tell how this will affect our children, but this article doesn’t give me much hope. Hopefully people’s desire to spend more quality time with their families in the future will help balance it all out.

Dominic Straiton
Dominic Straiton
4 years ago

I took my Grandchildren (had my children in my early twenties) to my own fireworks party on the fifth. I did my best to nearly blow them up. They will remember it all their lives.

Frederik van Beek
Frederik van Beek
4 years ago

Eliza, is missing out on one point and that is that the corona-crisis is not so much a medical/public health-event but an ideological battle. That makes it totally different from any other epidemic we have experienced before. Therefore it can not be compared to the polio epidemic. If it were so that medical/scientific facts do matter then life could never have been disrupted by corona like it has been so far. I mean, who cares about a virus with an IFR that does not surpass seasonal inluenza?…. Corona is a firestarter, one of many but still a very big one, a firestarter for a new ideology of total control and surveillance. Of all people the English should be aware of this nightmare, since you guys produced prophets like Aldous Huxley and George Orwell, but then again, stupidity is equally distributed over the world.

Johanna Barry
Johanna Barry
4 years ago

‘Meanwhile, social workers are finding their work is compromised by
social distancing: it is very difficult to talk to a child about
potential abuse or a care plan over video or in a mask’

I gulped reading that. Trained people faced with a child in distress. Why are they not ripping off the mask, or insisting on seeing the child and giving him/her the support they urgently need? Surely there should be some exemptions to these practices. Nope. Senseless rules that acheive nothing are much more important and must be adhered to.
I saw the same ridiculous deification of ‘rules’ at the local tip the other day, where a woman asked one of the council workers for help with a heavy bag. She was told it was not allowed. I took my life in my hands, risking imminent death and destruction and provided the much needed help. Lo and behold I am still alive. Now what a surprise! Really it is high time we got a grip and focused on the interventions that have an imact and box the rest.

Gerry Fruin
Gerry Fruin
4 years ago

I’m becoming a little weary of the quality of the writers on Unheard. I stick around because the comments are the star of the show. This analysis seems to be an example. Really just reading the qualifications of the author of this piece is er… well what does ‘the history of generations and the evolution of contemporary values’ really mean. And as for children being disadvantaged by a bug I cannot believe that. Everyone has role to play and most will get through the situation because that is what we have to do. Like it or not. I accept child abuse is an extremely serious problem, but will happen what ever the circumstances. Whinging and whining won’t help. So to the writer I’d suggest some real time value. Try Social working in a real environment.

aelf
aelf
4 years ago

I just want to know where to find that face mask in the photograph.