One of the many things coronavirus has made redundant is a particular kind of meme: the “my favorite kind of plans are cancelled plans” kind. Pre-corona, it was vigorously shared on Instagram. Millennials have spent the past several years complaining about “plans”, and treating the outside world as a horrible burden; Zoomers, raised online, have followed suit.
One would think a worldwide lockdown — which has cancelled all our plans for the foreseeable future — would be exactly what these young people longed for. But when the concept was first introduced, I was a bit amused by the panic it was met with. Why were millennials posting about the trauma of cancelled 30th birthday parties they didn’t want to go to anyway? Why weren’t Zoomers delighted at the opportunity to retreat further into the digital world of Houseparty hangouts, Zoom parties and FaceTime dates?
It was strange, pre-lockdown, to observe the young being so very un-vibrant. Fine, be a tired mum. Go to bed at 8pm when you’re 80. A farmer would understandably be exhausted at the end of the day. But a single 30-year-old with a desk job, one would presume, might still have a little zest for life — a desire for adventure, or, at the very least, experience.
I saw it in my friends as well — not Zoomers, but near or post 40. Asking about New Year’s Eve plans was met with a sour “nothing” or “watching a movie”; even an attempt to make drinks plans for a Friday night was like pulling teeth. A 2018 think piece in Vogue discussed the “staying at home movement” as “the ultimate indulgence”. A 2017 article in The Cut acknowledged that the familiar game of “cancel-reschedule ping-pong” usually ends in abandoning attempts to meet up entirely, but concluded: “doesn’t it also feel at least a little good to bail?”
I couldn’t relate. Cancelling plans constantly is rude and that “ping pong” game usually ends in someone giving up on more than just plans — no one likes to chase others around, so the end result is that we just forget those relationships entirely. This has always depressed me: I value friends and socialising. I like to meet up, in real life, with those I care for. Why would I want to waste my time lying around on the couch feeling sorry for myself?
I know the excuses people employ: I have social anxiety, I’m exhausted, I’m stressed, I’m broke, I’m an introvert, I’m an Aquarius, what is there even to do? But I don’t accept them. People have been broke, tired, stressed or shy for all of history, yet we remain social creatures. Why the desperation to avoid human connection?
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SubscribeThank you for reminded me to delete Zoom from my phone. Conversations with people who live in the same town have made me uneasy lately, especially when my child is exposed to it. I just refuse to get her socialised into the “new normal”.
I’m reading through your 10 or so unherd essays and this is the best one so far!
Interesting analysis but I don’t think you take into account the differences in being ’20’ versus being ’30’ and by that latter point, you’re probably tired and bored of ‘nights out’ that are often limiting vis a vis having say a really good catch up with a friend over dinner or in a park.
I’m not saying I don’t agree with the sentiment, but I think you miss the nuance. I like to go out, but I like to socialise generally 1-1, as I find that tends to lead the a higher level of conversation and connection versus going out in larger groups. For me, a night equals a good curry with a friend or walk in the park, perhaps a date, or something else relatively lowkey.
But I take your point about the internet. Perhaps staying at home on any particular night wouldn’t be so fun if we had no internet or television. To entertain ourselves, we’d need to leave our home more often, but I don’t think that specifically applies to the younger generation.
Furthermore, I think the reason a lot of ‘millennials’ don’t like to go out anymore is the realisation that our drinking culture revolves around alcohol and binge drinking, and I think that culture is slowly dying out. Many are starting to realise this is not the answer and part of this ‘stay at home’ movement is a kind of rejection of these societal norms. Then you also have the different kind of stresses on younger people today; getting on the property ladder, and big fears about our future such as fighting climate apocalypse..So it’s no wonder our bunch are a more ‘sober’ stay-at-home kind.
Yep, good point about the decline of the drinking culture among some millennials – just from my experience – definitely among some millennials.
Maybe they’re going to Alcoholics Anonymous. Which BTW is totally on Zoom!
Social Anxiety is not shyness. You are being insensitive to people who have genuine panic breakdowns from seeing other people. You may believe it is just shyness however because of the amount of people like you who don’t understand that social anxiety is not shyness and call it that. Maybe do some research before offending a large group of people.