Males are obsessed with females. Females are obsessed with male attention. It’s the species exerting itself.
An honour code for men and a modesty code for women. All else is folly.
Haven’t we tried that? For some of us, that’s God’s code; for others, a conglomeration of ‘what’s your particular moral code?’ C’mon, keep up…we’ve evolved past all that! Welcome to your naturally selected future.
…I would say that humans (and human nature) have not evolved very much at all Marcia. But for sure, traditional ‘social constructs’ around female/male relationships have lost viscosity, under the influence of technology. Things look set to be unstable for some time across many social and economic dimensions.
Last edited 2 years ago by Bernard Hill
Chris Mochan
2 years ago
I think the popular notion that having “having s*x like a man” means a string of casual sex encounters forgets about the majority of men for whom this would not be possible even if they wanted it to be.
As so often in this discourse, outliers are taken to represent the whole. When discussing women’s role in the workplace we’re often reminded how many men sit on boards and form governments etc, but very little attention is given to the fact this is a tiny minority and most men work the same ordinary types of jobs as women. The fact the FTSE 100 is dominated by male CEOs is no more representative of men’s professional success in general than some sexually prolific guy who sleeps with different women every week is representative of their promiscuity.
Yes she really tripped into a very false stereotype there and completely undermined her credibility, as well as her argument.
Philip Stott
2 years ago
I am so very glad that I met my wife when the internet still meant modems, and that I don’t have daughters. Mind you, even for my sons, it still seems dating these days is a minefield. How very depressing.
I met my (extremely good looking, confirmed bachelor forever) husband over 17 years ago on the internet. It was longer format than Tinder and perfect for me. I didn’t ever like ‘dating’ and expectations – having to endure boring chit chat while craving my bed and a book. This way I could keep someone at arms length, see if he could write intelligently, could amuse and entertain (and vice versa).
Without this medium we could have perhaps met by chance in person, but I would never have gone for him (and probably him me), without the lengthy period we spent writing – which we continued after our first meeting – and for years after we became involved.
I found it a very sophisticated and effective medium.
I used to run a debate group and we ran a discussion on online dating about 5 years ago. Over 50% of the attendees met their partners online and stated the reasons you gave as why it worked for them, chatting over time without just image first impressions like a first date can involve.
Good to hear! I’ve met quite a lot of couples who got together online. I don’t think Tinder will yield the same quality experience, because so much of it is simply hookups, but the longer format still exists.
Very interesting indeed. I guess affirms the validity of old fashioned courtship, which a hook-up certainly is not.
Terence Fitch
2 years ago
Delete it then? As I said to my pupils when smart phones first appeared: so now you’ll be carrying your mum and your bullies with you and when you go to work it’ll be ‘work anywhere anytime’. A few did pause for thought.
David Morley
2 years ago
‘having sex like a man’ usually amounts to little more than uncomfortable or unsatisfying casual sex
Unsurprising really, because that’s what men often find out too. Though we perhaps take our time about it.
Sex with someone you just about fancy, don’t really like (or even know), and certainly wouldn’t have a relationship with – it’s just not generally that great.
If it’s the exception to your normal behaviour there my be a bit of a forbidden thrill. But if it’s the rule ….
Yeah, I think that’s pretty much it. If you predicate your worth on a largely commodified dating market where youth and appearance face off against money as the tradable currencies, it becomes (depressingly) even worse. So glad I’m too old and (happily) settled to be a part of it. Looks like a desperate sh*tshow and like many commenters, I worry for my children.
jules Ritchie
2 years ago
In my 70’s now I have had decades to observe that women dress for other women, they wear ridiculous false nails to show off to other women (men just thinks it’s foolish). To display how gorgeous you are to women you consider not-so-much brings gratifying feelings of superiority.
William Shaw
2 years ago
The root of the problem is well known and documented but it seems to escape the author. Females advertise their wares to attract the attention of the opposite sex. The problem that females have to deal with is that they only want that attention from a certain member or subgroup of males so they inevitably get unwanted attention. Dealing with this unwanted attention requires finesse, as the female has to somehow reject the attentions of several bigger and stronger males as she filters out her selection.
The attention is as addictive as crack cocaine to young women. After they get tired of TikTok they will progress to be SugarBabies to pay for uni then it’ll be OnlyFans to support them through their 20’s.
Males are obsessed with females. Females are obsessed with male attention. It’s the species exerting itself.
An honour code for men and a modesty code for women. All else is folly.
Yea, some things are immutable.
Haven’t we tried that? For some of us, that’s God’s code; for others, a conglomeration of ‘what’s your particular moral code?’ C’mon, keep up…we’ve evolved past all that! Welcome to your naturally selected future.
…I would say that humans (and human nature) have not evolved very much at all Marcia. But for sure, traditional ‘social constructs’ around female/male relationships have lost viscosity, under the influence of technology. Things look set to be unstable for some time across many social and economic dimensions.
I think the popular notion that having “having s*x like a man” means a string of casual sex encounters forgets about the majority of men for whom this would not be possible even if they wanted it to be.
As so often in this discourse, outliers are taken to represent the whole. When discussing women’s role in the workplace we’re often reminded how many men sit on boards and form governments etc, but very little attention is given to the fact this is a tiny minority and most men work the same ordinary types of jobs as women. The fact the FTSE 100 is dominated by male CEOs is no more representative of men’s professional success in general than some sexually prolific guy who sleeps with different women every week is representative of their promiscuity.
Yes she really tripped into a very false stereotype there and completely undermined her credibility, as well as her argument.
I am so very glad that I met my wife when the internet still meant modems, and that I don’t have daughters. Mind you, even for my sons, it still seems dating these days is a minefield. How very depressing.
I met my (extremely good looking, confirmed bachelor forever) husband over 17 years ago on the internet. It was longer format than Tinder and perfect for me. I didn’t ever like ‘dating’ and expectations – having to endure boring chit chat while craving my bed and a book. This way I could keep someone at arms length, see if he could write intelligently, could amuse and entertain (and vice versa).
Without this medium we could have perhaps met by chance in person, but I would never have gone for him (and probably him me), without the lengthy period we spent writing – which we continued after our first meeting – and for years after we became involved.
I found it a very sophisticated and effective medium.
I used to run a debate group and we ran a discussion on online dating about 5 years ago. Over 50% of the attendees met their partners online and stated the reasons you gave as why it worked for them, chatting over time without just image first impressions like a first date can involve.
Good to hear! I’ve met quite a lot of couples who got together online. I don’t think Tinder will yield the same quality experience, because so much of it is simply hookups, but the longer format still exists.
Very interesting indeed. I guess affirms the validity of old fashioned courtship, which a hook-up certainly is not.
Delete it then? As I said to my pupils when smart phones first appeared: so now you’ll be carrying your mum and your bullies with you and when you go to work it’ll be ‘work anywhere anytime’. A few did pause for thought.
Unsurprising really, because that’s what men often find out too. Though we perhaps take our time about it.
Sex with someone you just about fancy, don’t really like (or even know), and certainly wouldn’t have a relationship with – it’s just not generally that great.
If it’s the exception to your normal behaviour there my be a bit of a forbidden thrill. But if it’s the rule ….
Yeah, I think that’s pretty much it. If you predicate your worth on a largely commodified dating market where youth and appearance face off against money as the tradable currencies, it becomes (depressingly) even worse. So glad I’m too old and (happily) settled to be a part of it. Looks like a desperate sh*tshow and like many commenters, I worry for my children.
In my 70’s now I have had decades to observe that women dress for other women, they wear ridiculous false nails to show off to other women (men just thinks it’s foolish). To display how gorgeous you are to women you consider not-so-much brings gratifying feelings of superiority.
The root of the problem is well known and documented but it seems to escape the author. Females advertise their wares to attract the attention of the opposite sex. The problem that females have to deal with is that they only want that attention from a certain member or subgroup of males so they inevitably get unwanted attention. Dealing with this unwanted attention requires finesse, as the female has to somehow reject the attentions of several bigger and stronger males as she filters out her selection.
The attention is as addictive as crack cocaine to young women. After they get tired of TikTok they will progress to be SugarBabies to pay for uni then it’ll be OnlyFans to support them through their 20’s.