Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis banned the sale of lab-grown meat this week, showcasing the bizarre contours of America’s cultural realignment.

In the bill, fear-mongering over the World Economic Forum’s dastardly plot to reform our diets meets good old-fashioned economic protectionism, with DeSantis’s press release calling lab-grown meat “disgraceful” and an affront to “proud traditions”. Democratic Senator John Fetterman reluctantly praised the move, adding that he would “never serve that slop to my kids”.

Libertarians and techno-optimists were unsurprisingly distraught. It’s just the latest in populists’ war on capitalism and innovation, and a rejection of human ingenuity, they argued. Bill Gates, noted lab meat supporter, said to be hardest hit.