Thanks for this Julie; for bringing the spotlight to bear on the individual human lives (and deaths) behind the statistics. It’s difficult to read it and then to try to envisage how much worse this must have become during lockdowns.
Anyone seeking to control others in such a way, does so not because they’re strong, but because they’re weak; so weak they have to try to demonstrate strength instead of just letting people be. From dictators, to authoritarian doctrines, to the domestic sphere it’s the same story, writ large or small.
The true courage is shown in finding a way to overcome such experiences in young lives. Thanks for showing us that, too.
Women are not the majority of victims of domestic abuse, let alone the “vast majority” – Partner Abuse State of Knowledge Project (2013). The headline finding: Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers (William Collins, The Empathy Gap: Male Disadvantages and the Mechanisms of Their Neglect).
Mike Buchanan
JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS http://j4mb.org.uk
It’s amazing how women are now expected to be as strong as men when it comes to the military (even though actual performance is vastly inferior to men) while at the same time, those some women are to be considered helpless victims when it comes to domestic abuse (even though 1/3rd of DV deaths are men).
“Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers”
And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.
A recent case in UK: the mother ignored months of physical abuse by her new boyfriend, prevented the father from investigating, lied when the baby was murdered, tried to pin the blame on the father, commited perjury…
And while the boyfriend was given a long jail term (though way less than deserved) the mother walked away with no jail.
Victim, you see, can’t blame her.
Thanks, but this statement is simply untrue:
“And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.”
If you disagree, please link to your evidence. Thanks.
Thanks, but this statement is simply untrue:
“And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.”
If you disagree, please link to your evidence. Thanks.
It’s amazing how women are now expected to be as strong as men when it comes to the military (even though actual performance is vastly inferior to men) while at the same time, those some women are to be considered helpless victims when it comes to domestic abuse (even though 1/3rd of DV deaths are men).
“Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers”
And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.
A recent case in UK: the mother ignored months of physical abuse by her new boyfriend, prevented the father from investigating, lied when the baby was murdered, tried to pin the blame on the father, commited perjury…
And while the boyfriend was given a long jail term (though way less than deserved) the mother walked away with no jail.
Victim, you see, can’t blame her.
Women are not the majority of victims of domestic abuse, let alone the “vast majority” – Partner Abuse State of Knowledge Project (2013). The headline finding: Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers (William Collins, The Empathy Gap: Male Disadvantages and the Mechanisms of Their Neglect).
Mike Buchanan
JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS http://j4mb.org.uk
Steve Murray
1 year ago
Thanks for this Julie; for bringing the spotlight to bear on the individual human lives (and deaths) behind the statistics. It’s difficult to read it and then to try to envisage how much worse this must have become during lockdowns.
Anyone seeking to control others in such a way, does so not because they’re strong, but because they’re weak; so weak they have to try to demonstrate strength instead of just letting people be. From dictators, to authoritarian doctrines, to the domestic sphere it’s the same story, writ large or small.
The true courage is shown in finding a way to overcome such experiences in young lives. Thanks for showing us that, too.
Last edited 1 year ago by Steve Murray
cynthia callahan
1 year ago
THANK YOU for bringing this to light. Talk about it loud and clear!
cynthia callahan
1 year ago
THANK YOU for bringing this to light. Talk about it loud and clear!
Dougie Undersub
1 year ago
“Around 62% of children are present during domestic abuse incidents … ”
What does this actually mean? Not only is this statement highly ambiguous, it is not mentioned in the source it is linked to, which actually says that 1 in 7 children under 18 have witnessed domestic violence.
Dougie Undersub
1 year ago
“Around 62% of children are present during domestic abuse incidents … ”
What does this actually mean? Not only is this statement highly ambiguous, it is not mentioned in the source it is linked to, which actually says that 1 in 7 children under 18 have witnessed domestic violence.
Allison Barrows
1 year ago
Georgia’s mother failed her – first by introducing a strange man into her life, and then knowingly excusing his behavior and exposing her to violence. Was Georgia’s father still in her life? Was her mother ever married to him? I ask because the stepparent has no real attachment to the child and is often the source of abuse to that child. I’ve often wondered why a parent of either sex would risk it.
I knew it was risky, but I really do want to know what these parents are thinking when they bring an adult stranger into their child’s life. I knew a divorcee who remarried three times (!) and was hunting around for another spouse. Her son is a medicated basket case and her daughter moved from the US to Ireland as soon as she turned 18.
Years ago I received a heart-breaking phone call from my 12 year old daughter. Her mother’s boyfriend of two weeks had stayed over and she refused to leave her bedroom and have breakfast with him. Seeing how upset this made my ex, Prince Charming marched up to my daughters room, barged in against her wishes and lectured her about standing in the way of her mother’s happiness. Absolutely appalling behaviour. Absolutely devastating impact on the poor kid. But of course there was nothing I could do but try to calm her down. The feminist designed legal system had already effectively pushed me out of a parental role in the kids’ lives. There are no statistics for abuses like this of course – no visible bruises and no visit from the police – so as far as the zealots are concerned, they don’t exist.
Years ago I received a heart-breaking phone call from my 12 year old daughter. Her mother’s boyfriend of two weeks had stayed over and she refused to leave her bedroom and have breakfast with him. Seeing how upset this made my ex, Prince Charming marched up to my daughters room, barged in against her wishes and lectured her about standing in the way of her mother’s happiness. Absolutely appalling behaviour. Absolutely devastating impact on the poor kid. But of course there was nothing I could do but try to calm her down. The feminist designed legal system had already effectively pushed me out of a parental role in the kids’ lives. There are no statistics for abuses like this of course – no visible bruises and no visit from the police – so as far as the zealots are concerned, they don’t exist.
I have a daughter.
If my wife dies, I bring another woman into my house and she ill-treats or abuses my girl, I am as much to blame as that woman.
Stop making excuses for women and making them perma-victims.
If you have a child with a man who isn’t serious about assuming responsibility, and if you expose your child to a man who is harmful, you are to blame. Period.
I knew it was risky, but I really do want to know what these parents are thinking when they bring an adult stranger into their child’s life. I knew a divorcee who remarried three times (!) and was hunting around for another spouse. Her son is a medicated basket case and her daughter moved from the US to Ireland as soon as she turned 18.
I have a daughter.
If my wife dies, I bring another woman into my house and she ill-treats or abuses my girl, I am as much to blame as that woman.
Stop making excuses for women and making them perma-victims.
If you have a child with a man who isn’t serious about assuming responsibility, and if you expose your child to a man who is harmful, you are to blame. Period.
That’s a bit of a prejudiced generalisation about stepparents, straight from fairy stories. Do you believe women who are plain are witches too?
I became a stepparent to a girl because her dad left the marriage when mother and daughter were seriously ill, and my stepdaughter treats me as her dad now and her kids view me as their grandad.
She asked me as an adult why I didn’t adopt her and get her to call me dad, and I explained it was because I wanted to preserve her relationship with her biological dad.
That’s a bit of a prejudiced generalisation about stepparents, straight from fairy stories. Do you believe women who are plain are witches too?
I became a stepparent to a girl because her dad left the marriage when mother and daughter were seriously ill, and my stepdaughter treats me as her dad now and her kids view me as their grandad.
She asked me as an adult why I didn’t adopt her and get her to call me dad, and I explained it was because I wanted to preserve her relationship with her biological dad.
Stepparents aren’t all evil monsters.
Last edited 1 year ago by Ian Stewart
Allison Barrows
1 year ago
Georgia’s mother failed her – first by introducing a strange man into her life, and then knowingly excusing his behavior and exposing her to violence. Was Georgia’s father still in her life? Was her mother ever married to him? I ask because the stepparent has no real attachment to the child and is often the source of abuse to that child. I’ve often wondered why a parent of either sex would risk it.
Charles Hedges
1 year ago
If a young man is in a rough town, goes to a rough part, enters a rough pub and remains until after 10pm when plenty of men have had much to drink, if he is attacked, has he displayed poor judgement, especially if he not good at fighting?
During the Lions tour of South Africa, Paddy Maine went to bars in the docks and picked fights with dockers. For the vast majority of men this would have poor judgement but for Paddy Maine he could handle himself in a rough house. Surely being an adult, especially a parent, the most basic aspect of self protection is to avoid violent people, unless one has the fighting skills of Paddy Maine.
Charles Hedges
1 year ago
If a young man is in a rough town, goes to a rough part, enters a rough pub and remains until after 10pm when plenty of men have had much to drink, if he is attacked, has he displayed poor judgement, especially if he not good at fighting?
During the Lions tour of South Africa, Paddy Maine went to bars in the docks and picked fights with dockers. For the vast majority of men this would have poor judgement but for Paddy Maine he could handle himself in a rough house. Surely being an adult, especially a parent, the most basic aspect of self protection is to avoid violent people, unless one has the fighting skills of Paddy Maine.
cara williams
1 year ago
thank you for another excellent article. am grateful to you.
Andrew Boughton
1 year ago
Absolutely, Julie. A way overdue change for children. One might note that many boys turn to extreme kindness rather than mimicking abusiveness, and that in the M-L feminist narrative women get a free pass while men are made the issue. It would be pointless to cite numerous cases I’ve seen where a kind and protective father has shielded the children from an abusive mother. It doesn’t fit the narrative, yet is hardly uncommon and grossly under-reported. But the strange gap in reality is always justified, somehow. Would it not be better for the outcomes you seek – which we all seek – to hold up to men the best standards of fatherhood, rather than the worst? To emphasise the loving and protective male as natural rather than something to be taught or enforced on Neanderthals? Motherhood. Fatherhood. Natural.
Last edited 1 year ago by Andrew Boughton
Andrew Boughton
1 year ago
Absolutely, Julie. A way overdue change for children. One might note that many boys turn to extreme kindness rather than mimicking abusiveness, and that in the M-L feminist narrative women get a free pass while men are made the issue. It would be pointless to cite numerous cases I’ve seen where a kind and protective father has shielded the children from an abusive mother. It doesn’t fit the narrative, yet is hardly uncommon and grossly under-reported. But the strange gap in reality is always justified, somehow. Would it not be better for the outcomes you seek – which we all seek – to hold up to men the best standards of fatherhood, rather than the worst? To emphasise the loving and protective male as natural rather than something to be taught or enforced on Neanderthals? Motherhood. Fatherhood. Natural.
Last edited 1 year ago by Andrew Boughton
Ian Wray
1 year ago
How can one make a formal complaint to Unherd? I have had enough of Bindel’s extremely one-sided, negative portrayal of men.
TBH she is writing from a gender perspective and emotionally with a little objectivity added in. Considering the subject i can see why. Men who abuse at whatever level are mis-wired because of what they have been through and IME male weakness comes from this. All men have some of this but its not usually at pathological levels. Women on the other hand aren’t socialised purely to show strength, be it physical, financial or the weird “negative emotional/psychological strength” embodied by clowns like Andrew Tate and Sargon of Akad(?) Sounds like a one man Extreme Heavy Metal band that’s never played live but hey, takes all sorts. So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder. That, i think is the author’s point. She also adds that these behaviours can be changed – witness the copper and the young lass who started the support group, and such positive change is available to both genders.
“So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder.”
Nonsense. I refer you back to the headline conclusion of PASK13: Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Also from PASK13:
Among large population samples, 57.9% of intimate-partner violence (IPV) reported was bi-directional, 42.1% unidirectional, 13.8% of the unidirectional violence was male-to-female, 28.3% was female-to-male.
In the 42.1% of (heterosexual) couples in which one partner is always the perpetrator and the other the victim, the woman is TWICE as likely to be the perpetrator and (therefore) half as likely to be the victim.
Women’s behaviour hardly ever ends in violence eh? Hah!
“So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder.”
Nonsense. I refer you back to the headline conclusion of PASK13: Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Also from PASK13:
Among large population samples, 57.9% of intimate-partner violence (IPV) reported was bi-directional, 42.1% unidirectional, 13.8% of the unidirectional violence was male-to-female, 28.3% was female-to-male.
In the 42.1% of (heterosexual) couples in which one partner is always the perpetrator and the other the victim, the woman is TWICE as likely to be the perpetrator and (therefore) half as likely to be the victim.
Women’s behaviour hardly ever ends in violence eh? Hah!
Fully agreed. If it was mainly about kids grown into highly dysfunctional homes, she could have tackled the same topic by varying the gender of the abuser. Or noting that much of child abuse comes from stepfathers, and are therefore a consequence of widespread divorce.
But instead, we get regular garbage from a man-hating feminist who came to Unherd as the Guardian now rejects her articles. Bindel hates men universally, including when they pretend to be women. That’s why she’s excommunicated from the left, and that’s why she went to publish her column here.
As Unherd wants to include feminist viewpoints, recent article by Victoria Smith https://unherd.com/2023/01/the-hypocrisy-of-witchlit/ proves that there are some talented feminist writers that do not exhale such bigotry.
Very well put. Like most MRAs (Men’s Rights Activists) I am bemused by radical feminists’ relentless whining about being ‘cancelled’. Bindel alone has more mainstream media overage in the average month than the world’s anti-feminists collectively over the past half century, despite her endless lying about domestic violence e.g. women being the vast majority of victims. This has known by researchers to be a lie for DECADES, yet the mainstream media will keep paying her (and others like her) to spout their evil lies.
Very well put. Like most MRAs (Men’s Rights Activists) I am bemused by radical feminists’ relentless whining about being ‘cancelled’. Bindel alone has more mainstream media overage in the average month than the world’s anti-feminists collectively over the past half century, despite her endless lying about domestic violence e.g. women being the vast majority of victims. This has known by researchers to be a lie for DECADES, yet the mainstream media will keep paying her (and others like her) to spout their evil lies.
Many people shrug this stuff off – domestic violence is pretty awful after all. But children also suffer preventable negative outcomes because they are growing up without fathers. And in vastly higher numbers. Much of the legal apparatus that weaponizes children in divorce and custody battles was created with this very same one-sided view. Women are good (essential to child rearing), men are bad (non-essential and all potential abusers). When a mother complains that the father hasn’t brought the child back to her after scheduled custody, a police manhunt ensues. When a father complains that a mother is blocking his scheduled custody or access, do you know what happens? Nothing. Police and child services stand aside. Call your lawyer and get a court order. Then a year later when you have a court order who enforces it? No one – its a meaningless piece of paper. The system only comprehends one kind of harm – much as this author does – and in the name of preventing it at any cost, inflicts even greater harms on the children.
If that is all you got out of this, you weren’t listening. This is about Georgia’s experience, one example.
This removes the focus from THE CHILDREN, of domestic abuse regardless of the gender of the abuser. Gender isn’t the issue here. Calling it that further hurts the children. I was that child. I was that spouse. These are my children.
I have never encountered an article by Bindel which discusses or even acknowledges domestic abuse by women. The implicit, if not explicit, message of many such articles is that men are typically the abusers, not women. This is in the context of an overall cultural/political climate which also has that significant bias. Such a cultural/political bias is itself seriously harmful, including to children. For a good quality study of violence in families, read ‘Parent and Partner Violence in Families with Young Children’ by Amy Slep and Susan O’Leary (Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 2005, Vol 73, 3, pp435-444).).
Thanks Ian. I strongly recommend William Collins’s “The Empathy Gap” for its content on DV and so much else, destroying so many feminist myths and narratives. EVERY feminist narrative is one or more of the following – a baseless conspiracy theory (e.g. the ‘patriarchy’), a fantasy, a lie, a delusion or a myth.
A survey by the (feminist) Fawcett Society in 2015 revealed that only 9% of British women and 4% of British women self-idenfify as feminists. Yet these men-hating and often children-hating women wield enormous power in all walks of life. Every major political party has been corrupted by them along with the criminal justice system and so much else.
Thanks Ian. I strongly recommend William Collins’s “The Empathy Gap” for its content on DV and so much else, destroying so many feminist myths and narratives. EVERY feminist narrative is one or more of the following – a baseless conspiracy theory (e.g. the ‘patriarchy’), a fantasy, a lie, a delusion or a myth.
A survey by the (feminist) Fawcett Society in 2015 revealed that only 9% of British women and 4% of British women self-idenfify as feminists. Yet these men-hating and often children-hating women wield enormous power in all walks of life. Every major political party has been corrupted by them along with the criminal justice system and so much else.
I have never encountered an article by Bindel which discusses or even acknowledges domestic abuse by women. The implicit, if not explicit, message of many such articles is that men are typically the abusers, not women. This is in the context of an overall cultural/political climate which also has that significant bias. Such a cultural/political bias is itself seriously harmful, including to children. For a good quality study of violence in families, read ‘Parent and Partner Violence in Families with Young Children’ by Amy Slep and Susan O’Leary (Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 2005, Vol 73, 3, pp435-444).).
TBH she is writing from a gender perspective and emotionally with a little objectivity added in. Considering the subject i can see why. Men who abuse at whatever level are mis-wired because of what they have been through and IME male weakness comes from this. All men have some of this but its not usually at pathological levels. Women on the other hand aren’t socialised purely to show strength, be it physical, financial or the weird “negative emotional/psychological strength” embodied by clowns like Andrew Tate and Sargon of Akad(?) Sounds like a one man Extreme Heavy Metal band that’s never played live but hey, takes all sorts. So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder. That, i think is the author’s point. She also adds that these behaviours can be changed – witness the copper and the young lass who started the support group, and such positive change is available to both genders.
Fully agreed. If it was mainly about kids grown into highly dysfunctional homes, she could have tackled the same topic by varying the gender of the abuser. Or noting that much of child abuse comes from stepfathers, and are therefore a consequence of widespread divorce.
But instead, we get regular garbage from a man-hating feminist who came to Unherd as the Guardian now rejects her articles. Bindel hates men universally, including when they pretend to be women. That’s why she’s excommunicated from the left, and that’s why she went to publish her column here.
As Unherd wants to include feminist viewpoints, recent article by Victoria Smith https://unherd.com/2023/01/the-hypocrisy-of-witchlit/ proves that there are some talented feminist writers that do not exhale such bigotry.
Many people shrug this stuff off – domestic violence is pretty awful after all. But children also suffer preventable negative outcomes because they are growing up without fathers. And in vastly higher numbers. Much of the legal apparatus that weaponizes children in divorce and custody battles was created with this very same one-sided view. Women are good (essential to child rearing), men are bad (non-essential and all potential abusers). When a mother complains that the father hasn’t brought the child back to her after scheduled custody, a police manhunt ensues. When a father complains that a mother is blocking his scheduled custody or access, do you know what happens? Nothing. Police and child services stand aside. Call your lawyer and get a court order. Then a year later when you have a court order who enforces it? No one – its a meaningless piece of paper. The system only comprehends one kind of harm – much as this author does – and in the name of preventing it at any cost, inflicts even greater harms on the children.
If that is all you got out of this, you weren’t listening. This is about Georgia’s experience, one example.
This removes the focus from THE CHILDREN, of domestic abuse regardless of the gender of the abuser. Gender isn’t the issue here. Calling it that further hurts the children. I was that child. I was that spouse. These are my children.
Just be grateful at least on this site she is one of many varied contributors and they allow comments criticising them.
Compared to the Guardian….
Ian Wray
1 year ago
How can one make a formal complaint to Unherd? I have had enough of Bindel’s extremely one-sided, negative portrayal of men.
Jane Walsh
1 year ago
Thank you Ms. Bindel. For your illuminating voice on the epidemic of Male Violence.
Biggest problem in the WORLD.
You do continue to offend the ‘not all men!’ crowd,
especially here on unherd.
I despair for our species.
“… epidemic of male violence”. What a load of hysterical feminist nonsense (but i repeat myself). No epidemic, DV against women has long been in decline (see William Colins’s “The empathy Gap”). Meanwhile more women are convicted with each passing year as more men have the courage to reveal what’s always gone on.
“… epidemic of male violence”. What a load of hysterical feminist nonsense (but i repeat myself). No epidemic, DV against women has long been in decline (see William Colins’s “The empathy Gap”). Meanwhile more women are convicted with each passing year as more men have the courage to reveal what’s always gone on.
Jane Walsh
1 year ago
Thank you Ms. Bindel. For your illuminating voice on the epidemic of Male Violence.
Biggest problem in the WORLD.
You do continue to offend the ‘not all men!’ crowd,
especially here on unherd.
I despair for our species.
Thanks for this Julie; for bringing the spotlight to bear on the individual human lives (and deaths) behind the statistics. It’s difficult to read it and then to try to envisage how much worse this must have become during lockdowns.
Anyone seeking to control others in such a way, does so not because they’re strong, but because they’re weak; so weak they have to try to demonstrate strength instead of just letting people be. From dictators, to authoritarian doctrines, to the domestic sphere it’s the same story, writ large or small.
The true courage is shown in finding a way to overcome such experiences in young lives. Thanks for showing us that, too.
Women are not the majority of victims of domestic abuse, let alone the “vast majority” – Partner Abuse State of Knowledge Project (2013). The headline finding:
Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers (William Collins, The Empathy Gap: Male Disadvantages and the Mechanisms of Their Neglect).
Mike Buchanan
JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS
http://j4mb.org.uk
As i stated: Anyone seeking to control others in such a way…
Thanks Steve, understood. I couldn’t see how to leave a standalone comment.
Thanks Steve, understood. I couldn’t see how to leave a standalone comment.
It’s amazing how women are now expected to be as strong as men when it comes to the military (even though actual performance is vastly inferior to men) while at the same time, those some women are to be considered helpless victims when it comes to domestic abuse (even though 1/3rd of DV deaths are men).
“Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers”
And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.
A recent case in UK: the mother ignored months of physical abuse by her new boyfriend, prevented the father from investigating, lied when the baby was murdered, tried to pin the blame on the father, commited perjury…
And while the boyfriend was given a long jail term (though way less than deserved) the mother walked away with no jail.
Victim, you see, can’t blame her.
Thanks, but this statement is simply untrue:
“And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.”
If you disagree, please link to your evidence. Thanks.
Thanks, but this statement is simply untrue:
“And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.”
If you disagree, please link to your evidence. Thanks.
As i stated: Anyone seeking to control others in such a way…
It’s amazing how women are now expected to be as strong as men when it comes to the military (even though actual performance is vastly inferior to men) while at the same time, those some women are to be considered helpless victims when it comes to domestic abuse (even though 1/3rd of DV deaths are men).
“Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers”
And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.
A recent case in UK: the mother ignored months of physical abuse by her new boyfriend, prevented the father from investigating, lied when the baby was murdered, tried to pin the blame on the father, commited perjury…
And while the boyfriend was given a long jail term (though way less than deserved) the mother walked away with no jail.
Victim, you see, can’t blame her.
Women are not the majority of victims of domestic abuse, let alone the “vast majority” – Partner Abuse State of Knowledge Project (2013). The headline finding:
Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers (William Collins, The Empathy Gap: Male Disadvantages and the Mechanisms of Their Neglect).
Mike Buchanan
JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS
http://j4mb.org.uk
Thanks for this Julie; for bringing the spotlight to bear on the individual human lives (and deaths) behind the statistics. It’s difficult to read it and then to try to envisage how much worse this must have become during lockdowns.
Anyone seeking to control others in such a way, does so not because they’re strong, but because they’re weak; so weak they have to try to demonstrate strength instead of just letting people be. From dictators, to authoritarian doctrines, to the domestic sphere it’s the same story, writ large or small.
The true courage is shown in finding a way to overcome such experiences in young lives. Thanks for showing us that, too.
THANK YOU for bringing this to light. Talk about it loud and clear!
THANK YOU for bringing this to light. Talk about it loud and clear!
“Around 62% of children are present during domestic abuse incidents … ”
What does this actually mean? Not only is this statement highly ambiguous, it is not mentioned in the source it is linked to, which actually says that 1 in 7 children under 18 have witnessed domestic violence.
“Around 62% of children are present during domestic abuse incidents … ”
What does this actually mean? Not only is this statement highly ambiguous, it is not mentioned in the source it is linked to, which actually says that 1 in 7 children under 18 have witnessed domestic violence.
Georgia’s mother failed her – first by introducing a strange man into her life, and then knowingly excusing his behavior and exposing her to violence. Was Georgia’s father still in her life? Was her mother ever married to him? I ask because the stepparent has no real attachment to the child and is often the source of abuse to that child. I’ve often wondered why a parent of either sex would risk it.
Gasp! Are you ‘blaming the victim’? Such nuances are not permitted in these discussions!
I knew it was risky, but I really do want to know what these parents are thinking when they bring an adult stranger into their child’s life. I knew a divorcee who remarried three times (!) and was hunting around for another spouse. Her son is a medicated basket case and her daughter moved from the US to Ireland as soon as she turned 18.
Years ago I received a heart-breaking phone call from my 12 year old daughter. Her mother’s boyfriend of two weeks had stayed over and she refused to leave her bedroom and have breakfast with him. Seeing how upset this made my ex, Prince Charming marched up to my daughters room, barged in against her wishes and lectured her about standing in the way of her mother’s happiness. Absolutely appalling behaviour. Absolutely devastating impact on the poor kid. But of course there was nothing I could do but try to calm her down. The feminist designed legal system had already effectively pushed me out of a parental role in the kids’ lives. There are no statistics for abuses like this of course – no visible bruises and no visit from the police – so as far as the zealots are concerned, they don’t exist.
“Basket case”? Just kill ‘em off eh?
What the h*ll are you talking about???
What the h*ll are you talking about???
Years ago I received a heart-breaking phone call from my 12 year old daughter. Her mother’s boyfriend of two weeks had stayed over and she refused to leave her bedroom and have breakfast with him. Seeing how upset this made my ex, Prince Charming marched up to my daughters room, barged in against her wishes and lectured her about standing in the way of her mother’s happiness. Absolutely appalling behaviour. Absolutely devastating impact on the poor kid. But of course there was nothing I could do but try to calm her down. The feminist designed legal system had already effectively pushed me out of a parental role in the kids’ lives. There are no statistics for abuses like this of course – no visible bruises and no visit from the police – so as far as the zealots are concerned, they don’t exist.
“Basket case”? Just kill ‘em off eh?
I have a daughter.
If my wife dies, I bring another woman into my house and she ill-treats or abuses my girl, I am as much to blame as that woman.
Stop making excuses for women and making them perma-victims.
If you have a child with a man who isn’t serious about assuming responsibility, and if you expose your child to a man who is harmful, you are to blame. Period.
I knew it was risky, but I really do want to know what these parents are thinking when they bring an adult stranger into their child’s life. I knew a divorcee who remarried three times (!) and was hunting around for another spouse. Her son is a medicated basket case and her daughter moved from the US to Ireland as soon as she turned 18.
I have a daughter.
If my wife dies, I bring another woman into my house and she ill-treats or abuses my girl, I am as much to blame as that woman.
Stop making excuses for women and making them perma-victims.
If you have a child with a man who isn’t serious about assuming responsibility, and if you expose your child to a man who is harmful, you are to blame. Period.
That’s a bit of a prejudiced generalisation about stepparents, straight from fairy stories. Do you believe women who are plain are witches too?
I became a stepparent to a girl because her dad left the marriage when mother and daughter were seriously ill, and my stepdaughter treats me as her dad now and her kids view me as their grandad.
She asked me as an adult why I didn’t adopt her and get her to call me dad, and I explained it was because I wanted to preserve her relationship with her biological dad.
Stepparents aren’t all evil monsters.
A non-marginal portion of step parents are. massive divorce rates have consequences.
A non-marginal portion of step parents are. massive divorce rates have consequences.
Gasp! Are you ‘blaming the victim’? Such nuances are not permitted in these discussions!
That’s a bit of a prejudiced generalisation about stepparents, straight from fairy stories. Do you believe women who are plain are witches too?
I became a stepparent to a girl because her dad left the marriage when mother and daughter were seriously ill, and my stepdaughter treats me as her dad now and her kids view me as their grandad.
She asked me as an adult why I didn’t adopt her and get her to call me dad, and I explained it was because I wanted to preserve her relationship with her biological dad.
Stepparents aren’t all evil monsters.
Georgia’s mother failed her – first by introducing a strange man into her life, and then knowingly excusing his behavior and exposing her to violence. Was Georgia’s father still in her life? Was her mother ever married to him? I ask because the stepparent has no real attachment to the child and is often the source of abuse to that child. I’ve often wondered why a parent of either sex would risk it.
If a young man is in a rough town, goes to a rough part, enters a rough pub and remains until after 10pm when plenty of men have had much to drink, if he is attacked, has he displayed poor judgement, especially if he not good at fighting?
During the Lions tour of South Africa, Paddy Maine went to bars in the docks and picked fights with dockers. For the vast majority of men this would have poor judgement but for Paddy Maine he could handle himself in a rough house. Surely being an adult, especially a parent, the most basic aspect of self protection is to avoid violent people, unless one has the fighting skills of Paddy Maine.
If a young man is in a rough town, goes to a rough part, enters a rough pub and remains until after 10pm when plenty of men have had much to drink, if he is attacked, has he displayed poor judgement, especially if he not good at fighting?
During the Lions tour of South Africa, Paddy Maine went to bars in the docks and picked fights with dockers. For the vast majority of men this would have poor judgement but for Paddy Maine he could handle himself in a rough house. Surely being an adult, especially a parent, the most basic aspect of self protection is to avoid violent people, unless one has the fighting skills of Paddy Maine.
thank you for another excellent article. am grateful to you.
Absolutely, Julie. A way overdue change for children. One might note that many boys turn to extreme kindness rather than mimicking abusiveness, and that in the M-L feminist narrative women get a free pass while men are made the issue. It would be pointless to cite numerous cases I’ve seen where a kind and protective father has shielded the children from an abusive mother. It doesn’t fit the narrative, yet is hardly uncommon and grossly under-reported. But the strange gap in reality is always justified, somehow. Would it not be better for the outcomes you seek – which we all seek – to hold up to men the best standards of fatherhood, rather than the worst? To emphasise the loving and protective male as natural rather than something to be taught or enforced on Neanderthals? Motherhood. Fatherhood. Natural.
Absolutely, Julie. A way overdue change for children. One might note that many boys turn to extreme kindness rather than mimicking abusiveness, and that in the M-L feminist narrative women get a free pass while men are made the issue. It would be pointless to cite numerous cases I’ve seen where a kind and protective father has shielded the children from an abusive mother. It doesn’t fit the narrative, yet is hardly uncommon and grossly under-reported. But the strange gap in reality is always justified, somehow. Would it not be better for the outcomes you seek – which we all seek – to hold up to men the best standards of fatherhood, rather than the worst? To emphasise the loving and protective male as natural rather than something to be taught or enforced on Neanderthals? Motherhood. Fatherhood. Natural.
How can one make a formal complaint to Unherd? I have had enough of Bindel’s extremely one-sided, negative portrayal of men.
TBH she is writing from a gender perspective and emotionally with a little objectivity added in. Considering the subject i can see why. Men who abuse at whatever level are mis-wired because of what they have been through and IME male weakness comes from this. All men have some of this but its not usually at pathological levels. Women on the other hand aren’t socialised purely to show strength, be it physical, financial or the weird “negative emotional/psychological strength” embodied by clowns like Andrew Tate and Sargon of Akad(?) Sounds like a one man Extreme Heavy Metal band that’s never played live but hey, takes all sorts. So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder. That, i think is the author’s point. She also adds that these behaviours can be changed – witness the copper and the young lass who started the support group, and such positive change is available to both genders.
“So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder.”
Nonsense. I refer you back to the headline conclusion of PASK13:
Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Also from PASK13:
In the 42.1% of (heterosexual) couples in which one partner is always the perpetrator and the other the victim, the woman is TWICE as likely to be the perpetrator and (therefore) half as likely to be the victim.
Women’s behaviour hardly ever ends in violence eh? Hah!
“So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder.”
Nonsense. I refer you back to the headline conclusion of PASK13:
Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Also from PASK13:
In the 42.1% of (heterosexual) couples in which one partner is always the perpetrator and the other the victim, the woman is TWICE as likely to be the perpetrator and (therefore) half as likely to be the victim.
Women’s behaviour hardly ever ends in violence eh? Hah!
Fully agreed. If it was mainly about kids grown into highly dysfunctional homes, she could have tackled the same topic by varying the gender of the abuser. Or noting that much of child abuse comes from stepfathers, and are therefore a consequence of widespread divorce.
But instead, we get regular garbage from a man-hating feminist who came to Unherd as the Guardian now rejects her articles. Bindel hates men universally, including when they pretend to be women. That’s why she’s excommunicated from the left, and that’s why she went to publish her column here.
As Unherd wants to include feminist viewpoints, recent article by Victoria Smith https://unherd.com/2023/01/the-hypocrisy-of-witchlit/ proves that there are some talented feminist writers that do not exhale such bigotry.
Very well put. Like most MRAs (Men’s Rights Activists) I am bemused by radical feminists’ relentless whining about being ‘cancelled’. Bindel alone has more mainstream media overage in the average month than the world’s anti-feminists collectively over the past half century, despite her endless lying about domestic violence e.g. women being the vast majority of victims. This has known by researchers to be a lie for DECADES, yet the mainstream media will keep paying her (and others like her) to spout their evil lies.
Very well put. Like most MRAs (Men’s Rights Activists) I am bemused by radical feminists’ relentless whining about being ‘cancelled’. Bindel alone has more mainstream media overage in the average month than the world’s anti-feminists collectively over the past half century, despite her endless lying about domestic violence e.g. women being the vast majority of victims. This has known by researchers to be a lie for DECADES, yet the mainstream media will keep paying her (and others like her) to spout their evil lies.
Many people shrug this stuff off – domestic violence is pretty awful after all. But children also suffer preventable negative outcomes because they are growing up without fathers. And in vastly higher numbers. Much of the legal apparatus that weaponizes children in divorce and custody battles was created with this very same one-sided view. Women are good (essential to child rearing), men are bad (non-essential and all potential abusers). When a mother complains that the father hasn’t brought the child back to her after scheduled custody, a police manhunt ensues. When a father complains that a mother is blocking his scheduled custody or access, do you know what happens? Nothing. Police and child services stand aside. Call your lawyer and get a court order. Then a year later when you have a court order who enforces it? No one – its a meaningless piece of paper. The system only comprehends one kind of harm – much as this author does – and in the name of preventing it at any cost, inflicts even greater harms on the children.
I thought she was fairly restrained this time.
If that is all you got out of this, you weren’t listening. This is about Georgia’s experience, one example.
This removes the focus from THE CHILDREN, of domestic abuse regardless of the gender of the abuser. Gender isn’t the issue here. Calling it that further hurts the children. I was that child. I was that spouse. These are my children.
I have never encountered an article by Bindel which discusses or even acknowledges domestic abuse by women. The implicit, if not explicit, message of many such articles is that men are typically the abusers, not women. This is in the context of an overall cultural/political climate which also has that significant bias. Such a cultural/political bias is itself seriously harmful, including to children. For a good quality study of violence in families, read ‘Parent and Partner Violence in Families with Young Children’ by Amy Slep and Susan O’Leary (Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 2005, Vol 73, 3, pp435-444).).
Thanks Ian. I strongly recommend William Collins’s “The Empathy Gap” for its content on DV and so much else, destroying so many feminist myths and narratives. EVERY feminist narrative is one or more of the following – a baseless conspiracy theory (e.g. the ‘patriarchy’), a fantasy, a lie, a delusion or a myth.
A survey by the (feminist) Fawcett Society in 2015 revealed that only 9% of British women and 4% of British women self-idenfify as feminists. Yet these men-hating and often children-hating women wield enormous power in all walks of life. Every major political party has been corrupted by them along with the criminal justice system and so much else.
Thanks Ian. I strongly recommend William Collins’s “The Empathy Gap” for its content on DV and so much else, destroying so many feminist myths and narratives. EVERY feminist narrative is one or more of the following – a baseless conspiracy theory (e.g. the ‘patriarchy’), a fantasy, a lie, a delusion or a myth.
A survey by the (feminist) Fawcett Society in 2015 revealed that only 9% of British women and 4% of British women self-idenfify as feminists. Yet these men-hating and often children-hating women wield enormous power in all walks of life. Every major political party has been corrupted by them along with the criminal justice system and so much else.
I have never encountered an article by Bindel which discusses or even acknowledges domestic abuse by women. The implicit, if not explicit, message of many such articles is that men are typically the abusers, not women. This is in the context of an overall cultural/political climate which also has that significant bias. Such a cultural/political bias is itself seriously harmful, including to children. For a good quality study of violence in families, read ‘Parent and Partner Violence in Families with Young Children’ by Amy Slep and Susan O’Leary (Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 2005, Vol 73, 3, pp435-444).).
Just be grateful at least on this site she is one of many varied contributors and they allow comments criticising them.
Compared to the Guardian….
TBH she is writing from a gender perspective and emotionally with a little objectivity added in. Considering the subject i can see why. Men who abuse at whatever level are mis-wired because of what they have been through and IME male weakness comes from this. All men have some of this but its not usually at pathological levels. Women on the other hand aren’t socialised purely to show strength, be it physical, financial or the weird “negative emotional/psychological strength” embodied by clowns like Andrew Tate and Sargon of Akad(?) Sounds like a one man Extreme Heavy Metal band that’s never played live but hey, takes all sorts. So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder. That, i think is the author’s point. She also adds that these behaviours can be changed – witness the copper and the young lass who started the support group, and such positive change is available to both genders.
Fully agreed. If it was mainly about kids grown into highly dysfunctional homes, she could have tackled the same topic by varying the gender of the abuser. Or noting that much of child abuse comes from stepfathers, and are therefore a consequence of widespread divorce.
But instead, we get regular garbage from a man-hating feminist who came to Unherd as the Guardian now rejects her articles. Bindel hates men universally, including when they pretend to be women. That’s why she’s excommunicated from the left, and that’s why she went to publish her column here.
As Unherd wants to include feminist viewpoints, recent article by Victoria Smith https://unherd.com/2023/01/the-hypocrisy-of-witchlit/ proves that there are some talented feminist writers that do not exhale such bigotry.
Many people shrug this stuff off – domestic violence is pretty awful after all. But children also suffer preventable negative outcomes because they are growing up without fathers. And in vastly higher numbers. Much of the legal apparatus that weaponizes children in divorce and custody battles was created with this very same one-sided view. Women are good (essential to child rearing), men are bad (non-essential and all potential abusers). When a mother complains that the father hasn’t brought the child back to her after scheduled custody, a police manhunt ensues. When a father complains that a mother is blocking his scheduled custody or access, do you know what happens? Nothing. Police and child services stand aside. Call your lawyer and get a court order. Then a year later when you have a court order who enforces it? No one – its a meaningless piece of paper. The system only comprehends one kind of harm – much as this author does – and in the name of preventing it at any cost, inflicts even greater harms on the children.
I thought she was fairly restrained this time.
If that is all you got out of this, you weren’t listening. This is about Georgia’s experience, one example.
This removes the focus from THE CHILDREN, of domestic abuse regardless of the gender of the abuser. Gender isn’t the issue here. Calling it that further hurts the children. I was that child. I was that spouse. These are my children.
Just be grateful at least on this site she is one of many varied contributors and they allow comments criticising them.
Compared to the Guardian….
How can one make a formal complaint to Unherd? I have had enough of Bindel’s extremely one-sided, negative portrayal of men.
Thank you Ms. Bindel. For your illuminating voice on the epidemic of Male Violence.
Biggest problem in the WORLD.
You do continue to offend the ‘not all men!’ crowd,
especially here on unherd.
I despair for our species.
“… epidemic of male violence”. What a load of hysterical feminist nonsense (but i repeat myself). No epidemic, DV against women has long been in decline (see William Colins’s “The empathy Gap”). Meanwhile more women are convicted with each passing year as more men have the courage to reveal what’s always gone on.
Yes, Sir.
If only more men would have the (your) courage!
To share their angry delusional unique male viewpoint..
Yes, Sir.
If only more men would have the (your) courage!
To share their angry delusional unique male viewpoint..
“… epidemic of male violence”. What a load of hysterical feminist nonsense (but i repeat myself). No epidemic, DV against women has long been in decline (see William Colins’s “The empathy Gap”). Meanwhile more women are convicted with each passing year as more men have the courage to reveal what’s always gone on.
Thank you Ms. Bindel. For your illuminating voice on the epidemic of Male Violence.
Biggest problem in the WORLD.
You do continue to offend the ‘not all men!’ crowd,
especially here on unherd.
I despair for our species.