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Boris Johnson needs a Willie His Peppa Pig speech revealed his weakness

He’s been set free to follow his worst instincts (Leon Neal/Getty Images)


November 24, 2021   4 mins

Boris Johnson may have disgraced himself in front of the CBI this week, but we all have our off-days. While the symbolism of an embattled Prime Minister losing his place is irresistible, the fact is that any speech can go wrong. 

Remember Theresa May’s coughing fit in 2017? Unlike her time in office, it went on-and-on. And if that wasn’t enough she was also interrupted by a protester and by a piece of the set falling down. 

Yet while May’s mishaps weren’t her fault, the same can’t be said for Boris on Monday. His bizarre digression on the merits of Peppa Pig was the most unforced of unforced errors. So was his impression of a rumbling car engine (“arum arum araaaaaagh” — according to the official transcript). Judging the mood of an audience isn’t always easy, but a PM ought to know the difference between a gathering of business people and a kindergarten class. 

The first job of every speechwriter — and giver — is to rise to the occasion. Boris Johnson failed on this basic requirement. At a time of profound economic uncertainty, what business leaders need to hear is a message of reassurance — not a sequence of rambling asides and silly noises. 

But what should really worry the PM’s colleagues is that this isn’t the first time. Back in September, Johnson gave a speech to the UN General Assembly on climate change. As the curtain raiser for the COP26 conference an appropriately serious tone was required — plus a dash of inspiration. Instead, what we got was an exercise in glibness. The only bit that stood out — and garnered all the headlines — was a cheesy reference to Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.

Another sow’s ear of a speech was his keynote on levelling-up back in July. This had been billed as a major statement on the Government’s flagship economic policy. In the event, it sunk without trace. Not only was there no new content, the PM’s delivery was all over the place.

So no one should be shocked by Boris Johnson’s performance on Monday — it is consistent with a well-established pattern. And it doesn’t just apply to speeches. He governs the same way that he speaks: chaotically.

Dominic Cummings has likened his former boss to a shopping trolley with a wonky wheel. Over-and-over again, we’ve seen this government veer-off on tangents that are every bit as unexpected as a Peppa Pig anecdote. This week it was the surprise social care amendment that caught so many Tory backbenchers off-guard. Before that, it was the screeching U-turn on parliamentary standards.

The Prime Minister wouldn’t have been in London to embark upon this disastrous course if he hadn’t flown back by private jet from the climate conference in Glasgow — where, surely, he might have made himself more useful. If ever there was an issue on which he ought to have maintained his focus for more than five seconds it is this one. But not even saving the world is enough to hold his attention.

To understand why, it’s helpful to think about the so-called Big Five personality traits known by the acronym OCEAN: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism.

Some of these traits sound more positive than others, but there are positive and negative sides to getting a high (or low) score on any of them. For instance, someone who scores highly on conscientiousness might be an inflexible bore while someone who gets a low score might be brilliant improviser. 

There’s no doubt that Boris Johnson is a brilliant improviser. He has navigated through troubled political waters in which his more conventional rivals have capsized. But the increasingly urgent question now facing the Government and the Conservative Party is how to deal with the downside of his upside. 

Sorting out the speech-giving is the easy bit. Give him a script and tell him to stick to it. If he won’t use an autocue, then at least staple the copy of the speech he reads from. Clearly, he can’t be trusted to keep unbound pages in their proper order.

The much bigger challenge, though, is the man not the message. 

Boris is at his best when some kind of external order is imposed upon him. As Mayor of London he was subject to the control of Downing Street. As a columnist, his talents shone most brightly when patient editors were on hand to polish his literary gems. But as Prime Minister, he’s been set free to follow his worst instincts.

Ever since he won the the biggest Conservative majority since the Eighties his position has been unassailable. The only government figure who tried to exert any discipline over him was Dominic Cummings — and look how that turned out. 

This time, though, may be different. Cummings was acting alone, more or less, while the current challenge to Johnson’s authority extends much further. If those most concerned about the Prime Minister’s performance — from Red Wall backbenchers to party grandees — act in concert, they might stand a chance. 

But what, specifically, could such an intervention hope to achieve? It’s true that people rarely change. However, within organisations, other people can offset their eccentricities.

The Downing Street operation desperately needs a chief executive figure to Boris Johnson’s chairman of the board. The PM would still set the overall direction of policy, but someone without wonky wheels would be responsible for implementation. 

So are we looking for a new Dominic Cummings? No, because the confrontational approach clearly doesn’t work with someone as headstrong as Johnson. For a more appropriate model we need to go back to the Eighties.

Though Margaret Thatcher was a more conscientious Prime Minister than the current occupant of Number 10, she too had her hare-brained side. Eventually, in the form of the Poll Tax, it would get the better of her. Nevertheless, her eleven years in the job have yet to be matched by any of her successors. In part, her political survival can be credited to the moderating influence of William Whitelaw — a cabinet minister very much not in the Thatcherite mould, but completely loyal to her. Famously, she proclaimed that “every Prime Minister needs a Willie” — and, sniggers aside, she was right. Boris needs a Willie, too — and his critics in the party should insist that he gets one. 

But who? Rishi Sunak, Liz Truss and Sajid Javid are threats as heirs apparent, so they won’t do. Michael Gove is an important source of counsel, but his relationship with the PM is complicated. As for Priti Patel and Dominic Raab, I wouldn’t describe their influence as “moderating”. 

Rather, I’d look to Alok Sharma. The former Business Secretary is widely respected. His role as President of the COP26 conference has demonstrated his grasp of detail and his diplomatic finesse. He is trusted by his colleagues, including the Prime Minister, and has no obvious leadership ambitions. And now that COP26 is over, he’s in need of a new job.


Peter Franklin is Associate Editor of UnHerd. He was previously a policy advisor and speechwriter on environmental and social issues.

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David B
David B
3 years ago

If you think COP26 was about saving the world, I have a bridge for sale!

David Simpson
David Simpson
3 years ago
Reply to  David B

and hopefully his leaving COP26 was evidence of his cynicism about the whole thing (especially in a private jet! if he was really virtue signalling, he’d have hitch hiked)

William Murphy
William Murphy
3 years ago
Reply to  David Simpson

Of course, if Boris declared his intention to hitch hike, a stretch limo would miraculously stop for him within 30 seconds of him thumbing.

Rob Britton
Rob Britton
3 years ago

Dominic Cummings was actually Boris Johnson’s “Willie”. It is noticeable that when Dominic Cummings was in charge Johnson appeared strong and decisive, like when he withdrew the Whip from about twenty five Remoaner rebels before the election. Once Cummings left he was all at sea, and increasingly under the thumb of Nut Nuts.

Mel Shaw
Mel Shaw
3 years ago
Reply to  Rob Britton

That was a stroke of genius. I’ve always thought Dominic Cummings came up with that idea. Too clever for Boris.

Fiona Archbold
Fiona Archbold
3 years ago

I might have agreed on Alok but the crying thing lost him all credibility.

Barbara Williams
Barbara Williams
3 years ago
Reply to  Fiona Archbold

On the contrary the emotion was key. Until we engage with the escalating climate and ecological collapse that now threatens to engulf us, we shall fail to save ourselves. COVID is a symptom of ecological collapse – we can expect more pandemics and far worse unless we change tack dramatically and embrace a deliberate dismantling and downsizing exercise. Ecological overshoot – Wikipedia

Rupert Steel
Rupert Steel
3 years ago

Perhaps you should read a precis of ‘Viral’ by Matt Ridley. Covid is most definitely not a symptom of ecological collapse.

Liam O'Mahony
Liam O'Mahony
3 years ago

Covid is the vaccine (produced by Gaia): we are the virus! It was a hell of a million years but it’s over.. looks like the dinosaurs will have outlived us by a factor of 100x: maybe they weren’t so pea-brained after all? Humans are far too greedy to save themseves and the greediest (politicians) are the least likely of all of us to even give it a fair go! Asking politicians to look 30-50 years ahead is like asking a Corona virus to have regard for humans’ right to life! Just not in the DNA. The human race is doomed.. get used to the idea: it’s a kinda relief from all this damn virus and climate stuff.. enjoy what’s left. Don’t reproduce.. ’twas a hell of a ride!

Hosias Kermode
Hosias Kermode
3 years ago

i’m not sure he’s capable of being advised. There was another Unherd article that described his regime as a “court” rather than a government and that strikes me as apt. Boris is clearly under the thumb of his new wife, who wields the sort of influence no leader’s spouse should be allowed, given that no one has voted for her. She seems a rather brainless hotchpotch of trendy takes on things, with no understanding of the lives of ordinary families. Since Cummings left, Johnson seems to have drifted into the role of her mouthpiece, which suggests serious lack of confidence on his part. Carrie Antoinette seems an appropriate nickname for her. Personally I think Gove is the only senior Tory with sufficient brain and political nous to take on the Willie Whitelaw role. The current cabinet are pigmies compared with the array of talents around Thatcher 40 years ago. But sadly Gove is not sufficiently appealing to voters and – as the author says – he has too much history with Johnson to be given such a role. Oh well, I guess we just sit and watch the drift into chaos and hope we can escape the worst of it. No government is going to save us.But then no government ever has.

Last edited 3 years ago by Hosias Kermode
Mike Doyle
Mike Doyle
3 years ago

It is, as Peter Franklin makes clear, a reference to Maragret Thatcher’s comment regarding Willie Whitelaw.

Julie Blinde
Julie Blinde
3 years ago
Reply to  Mike Doyle

No, really ?! That’s clever
Then why not be clear and write ‘Boris needs an advisor like Willie Whitelaw’ ?
Only in the UK do you get such feeble humour

Last edited 3 years ago by Julie Blinde
Mike Taylor
Mike Taylor
3 years ago
Reply to  Julie Blinde

Meant to be understood in the UK – or have I missed where this site is based? Meaning of the title was obvious. Maybe you now appreciate the problems we have with your country’s political assumptions.

Last edited 3 years ago by Mike Taylor
Glyn Reed
Glyn Reed
3 years ago
Reply to  Julie Blinde

Only in the UK? Really?

Julie Blinde
Julie Blinde
3 years ago
Reply to  Glyn Reed

Well, no other countries attempt humour do they

Martin Bollis
Martin Bollis
3 years ago

I agree with the sentiment regarding the need for a Willie, but Boris speaks to a voting public that is really weary of pessimism and stentorious lecturing.

Dangling off a zip wire wasn’t hugely serious either, but was probably worth a lot of votes.

Andy Moore
Andy Moore
3 years ago
Reply to  Martin Bollis

I think whoever is put in place will not solve the problem; the problem is Johnson himself and the conservatives need to grow a pair and remove him.
I believe his popularity is overhyped on the basis that there are few alternatives out there. Having a conservative would be a good start.

Matt M
Matt M
3 years ago
Reply to  Martin Bollis

I suspect that the Tories will be averaging +5 points over Labour in the polls by the New Year and “Boris needs a Willie” stories will disappear for another few months.
I remember when Jo Johnson resigned and that was the end of Boris. And when the hated Remainer Parliament forced him to send a letter to the EU and that was the end of Boris. And when Priti Patel’s permanent secretary resigned and sued the government. And when Dominic Cummings went for an eye-test. And when Christmas was cancelled due to lockdown. And curtain-gate. And Dom Cummings tell-all. And when he wouldn’t give the nurses a pay rise. And when they put up NI. And when there were queues at the petrol pumps.
The truth is, because of the original sin of winning the EU referendum, the majority of the media yearn for the end of Boris. But that doesn’t mean it is likely.

Last edited 3 years ago by Matt M
Liam O'Mahony
Liam O'Mahony
3 years ago
Reply to  Martin Bollis

Somehow the words stentorious and Peppa Pig don’t quite fit together: or do they??

Last edited 3 years ago by Liam O'Mahony
David Yetter
David Yetter
3 years ago

I think you’re all being too hard on the PM. From my side of the Pond, I think Peppa Pig is a marvelous avatar for Global Britain. After all, she’s managed to reverse the linguistic flow and export British English to the United States (at least among the under-5 set, watching her during lockdown). Quite a feat, that considering the global reach Hollywood provides for our dialect.

Bill W
Bill W
3 years ago

I would have thought “it sank”.

Alex Stonor
Alex Stonor
3 years ago

Am I the only one who liked his comments. He’s right about Peppa Pig; she does look like a hairdryer

Matt M
Matt M
3 years ago
Reply to  Alex Stonor

I watched it – although actually the same speech delivered to a different audience later in the day – and thought it was pretty good.
Peppa Pig always struck me as an advert for traditional family structures and conservative lifestyles – married parents and grandparents, two kids, nice but not lavish house and car, dad works, mum stays at home with the pre-school age kids, good and well used local services. In fact I think that is why it is so popular with kids – a relatable ideal of family life with a few jokes at the expense of Daddy Pig.

Why shouldn’t a British PM talk about those things? God knows we get fed enough “alternative lifestyles” from other media and politicians.

Last edited 3 years ago by Matt M
Mel Shaw
Mel Shaw
3 years ago

Is he really that good at improvising? I struggle to think of any significant successes. Up to now he has been good at selling excuses for errors of judgment, but “the dog ate my homework” wears thin after a while. The Owen Patterson debacle seems likely to do him lasting harm. He can’t afford many more slip ups before the men in grey suits call at Number 10, as they did with Thatcher.

Douglas McNeish
Douglas McNeish
3 years ago

His amateur behaviour on all fronts is an embarrassment. Where is the outrage from his own party? Surely they can see the direction of the polls as well as anyone, and know that it is time to replace him.

Richard Slack
Richard Slack
3 years ago

What I think this article fails to take into account is that Johnson is, actually quite stupid but has discovered coping mechanisms for covering it which do not involve doing any serious work. He is the sort, usually male, we have all met them, who arrives at a meeting having not read, or not understood the papers and proceeds to cover this failure by a mixture of jokes, irrelevant remarks, time-wasting questions and sometimes agression. One should not be put off by the Eton and Balliol stuff; my guess would be that he went fron Eton to Balliol on a closed scholarship meanining that he required minimum A levels and his degree was probably inflated to allow for the fact that he was President of the Union.
University Education is not a sine qua non. John Major almost certainly left school at 16 with no qualifications and James Callaghan left school at 13. Both went on to hold the highest honours in the land which they performed conscientiously. Johnson, however, learned in his education a sense of entitlement that he should get what he wants with no effort. Sadly the loveable public-school rogue seems to appeal to great sections of the English population (it doesn’t translate well in Wales of Scotland. I feel this country has been put through the sort of scenario like that episode of Fawlty Towers when a con-man calling himself Lord Something-or-other gets preferential treatment and rinses the hotel out.
It does become clear, even without Dominic Cummings’ spiteful recollections that Johnson simply had no idea what leaving the Custom’s Union and Single Market actually meant in real terms though it is immaterial whether his breezy remarks to Northern Ireland Business was lying or ignorance. Either way, a climb down will, I think happen over Christmas, hopefully with Johnson being persuaded to spend more time with his families

Judy Johnson
Judy Johnson
3 years ago
Reply to  Richard Slack

I agree that he is stupid; he is clever without being intelligent.

Arnold Grutt
Arnold Grutt
3 years ago
Reply to  Richard Slack

“He is the sort, usually male, we have all met them, who arrives at a meeting having not read, or not understood the papers and proceeds to cover this failure by a mixture of jokes, irrelevant remarks, time-wasting questions and sometimes agression.”

Sounds perfectly sane to me. ‘Meetings’ are the bane of human life.

Mike Hardwicke
Mike Hardwicke
3 years ago

Perhaps the Cabal believe his time is up since he’s failed to enforce the universal jabbing and send the dirty Unjabbed to the FEMA camps?

Iris C
Iris C
3 years ago

I do not blame the Prime Minister for having his notes in a muddle. After he had corrected and altered the text that was given to him by his speechwriter, it should have been typed and put in a proper order in a file for him. Boris Johnston may be a bit of a bumbler but he has the charisma which appeals to women – half the population!

Jaden Johnson
Jaden Johnson
3 years ago
Reply to  Iris C

It’s almost certainly the case that Bojo was scribbling his amendments and…err…improvements to the drafted speech in the minutes before delivering it. That’s his MO. (See Jeremy Vine’s MY Boris Johnson Story over at The Spectator.)

Colin Elliott
Colin Elliott
3 years ago

I’m disappointed in several of Boris’ decisions starting a year ago (e.g. HS2 confirmation and ratifying the TCA), but appreciate that the pressure on a PM is colossal in normal times, let alone during Brexit with its unresolved problems and an international epidemic, to mention but two, and it is obvious to me that for the most part, the media are hostile. And I wonder if his illness hasn’t affected him.
Naturally, when I saw him turning over the pages, I wondered – why weren’t they stapled? I learned the wisdom of that a long time ago. Better still, use an autocue. Is he being properly supported? Did someone not ensure that he was properly prepared? It’s his responsibility, of course, to choose those around him. Past PMs have always been so well supported that they felt helpless once out of power, so there’s no excuse.
But Conservatives; he’s the only PM you’ve got right now, so support him, don’t undermine him. He must arrive at his policies wisely, to retain the support of his supporters, which is basic The approval of political enemies is unattainable.

Last edited 3 years ago by Colin Elliott
Liam O'Mahony
Liam O'Mahony
3 years ago

I believe BJ accurately reflects the UK Remainer type: adulation of their (Etonian) betters: longing for the old days of Empire: while I’m no expert in Peppa Pig I believe that creature, while pink is no pinko: more your dyed in the wool, backward looking Uncle Albert “During the war..” type..
The UK will now decline like Egypt, ancient Greece, Rome, thd Ottoman Empire etc. longing for the good old days while the world, esp the EU moves on.. what can I say but enjoy the slide..

Judy Johnson
Judy Johnson
3 years ago
Reply to  Liam O'Mahony

Excellent!

Jon Hawksley
Jon Hawksley
3 years ago

The article makes a good point that Boris needs someone to cover his weaknesses. The Tory party are cohesive when they need to be and will not keep Boris if he is a threat to the next election – there is a level of ridicule that he cannot comeback from. Their problem is who else can they annoint as PM and would Boris go quietly? Jeremy Hunt?

Lizzie J
Lizzie J
3 years ago

I wondered why there was no autocue. Is it true that BJ refuses to use one?

As for the CBI – during many years of working in the corporate world I can’t recall any occasion when they were useful or relevant.

Judy Johnson
Judy Johnson
3 years ago
Reply to  Lizzie J

NEDO was both perhaps?

Judy Johnson
Judy Johnson
3 years ago

If he can’t even part his hair, let alone the Red Sea as he seems to think he can, perhaps he needs two willies!

Bret Larson
Bret Larson
3 years ago

I listened to the parts of the speech bbc choose, so I probably got the “worst part”. Yes he somewhat lost his way. But In the end I understood what he was saying. If you don’t, he probably wasn’t talking to you. He was making the point that big government would have never made the pigs abode a reality. These creative endeavours come from private enterprise.

Andrew Lale
Andrew Lale
3 years ago

What are the odds of having an ‘off day’ every day for two years?

Barbara Williams
Barbara Williams
3 years ago

The author has failed to understand that Alok Sharma’s presidency role has not finished yet. He certainly earned my respect by showing some emotion at the thought of the death-blow to our only habitable planet. We flatter ourselves as the most intelligent species that ever walked the Earth, yet we have decided that our life support eco-systems are simply not worth saving. For those of you who found COVID challenging the likelihood of more virulent pandemics increases every day that we attempt to grow our economy in the face of huge ecological debt and escalating sixth mass extinction.

Last edited 3 years ago by Barbara Williams
Dustshoe Richinrut
Dustshoe Richinrut
3 years ago

“Over-and-over again, we’ve seen this government veer-off on tangents that are every bit as unexpected as a Peppa Pig anecdote.”

No need to veer off on superfluous hyphens either. They are, in fact, incorrectly applied in that particular sentence.

Anyway, what this performance before the CBI by the PM shows is that he has his finger on the pulse of youth culture — even if said youth, say, are not amused by the PM’s antics. Probably the PM had thought some proper light relief was required. He probably thought afterwards that the cool response to his pluck was indicative of how boringly Continental the country had become in its upper echelons as well as how forgetful of the cheerful bulldog spirit or pluck that the pandemic has made the general population. He has his finger on the pulse alright, if a little too strongly, because the pulse is weak. But by Jove he’ll have that pulse beat back strong as he re-invigorates in his own way the country’s spirit!

Andrew Fisher
Andrew Fisher
3 years ago

I think this is probably a spoof defence of our chaotic PM. Thanks for a bit of amusement anyway on a grey morning.

Laura Creighton
Laura Creighton
3 years ago
Reply to  Andrew Fisher

This is why we need a ‘this made me laugh’ button as opposed to upvoting and downvoting,

Arnold Grutt
Arnold Grutt
3 years ago

My upvotes are nearly always an appreciation of wit. I have never downvoted. Proves nothing.

William Perry
William Perry
3 years ago

You’re right about the hyphens: all of them are incorrect. Together with the “sank/sunk” mistake, there is instilled in my mind just a tiny note of caution about the credibility of the article. Literacy matters!