Yeah, I get that. All of it. I think it becomes easier to manage, if you disconnect the desire, and the expectation Just two people chatting. Seeing if there is anything to share. The whole process of, what? Dating? Sharing chemistry? Sexual intimacy? It’s all fenced in by endless rules, expectations, self limiting belief systems, historical trauma, etc. etc etc.
Older women appear to be ahead of the game, on this front. I get asked out quite a bit, but always with the qualification. “This is not a date.” I like this, it allows everyone to relax. Maybe.
But people are so desperate for intimacy and afermation they are willing to be do bad things to get it, even though that is an obvious oxymoron.
But has it always been this bad? Well yes, actually. I went to college in ’86, just as it was becoming apparent that Aids wasn’t just a gay blokes thing. The whole student body crossed it’s legs as one. I was traumatised. It felt like the end of the world. But it wasn’t, it was normal.
Strangers are always and have always been trying to tell people what to do, especially when the subject is so emotionally charged. Love & sex is at the very top of that list. None of this “advice” much to do with the person sitting opposite me right now.
She’s anxious and finds conversation either too easy or impossibility hard. I will try to help her relax so we can have a proper conversation. This may not work so I might have to leave early. Some gentle excuse.
If she is able to relax, we can have a chat. Just two people chatting. No woke, no game, no ideology. Just two people chatting, weird right? But I will leave early, to avoid the embarrassment that is soon to follow, if “the leaving” is mismanaged I will never see her again. There are so many things that need to not be mismanaged. It’s not about seeing her again actually, that’s a given, it’s more about not leaving with a residual icky-ness.
But oddly, I enjoy dating, but in the same way as I enjoy solving complicated philosophical (ethical?) problems. How can so many things about intimacy be simultaneously true? But also untrue at the same time. There must be some underlying truth that simplifies.
Is there?
Last edited 2 years ago by Howard Clegg
Howard Clegg
2 years ago
Yeah, I get that. All of it. I think it becomes easier to manage, if you disconnect the desire, and the expectation Just two people chatting. Seeing if there is anything to share. The whole process of, what? Dating? Sharing chemistry? Sexual intimacy? It’s all fenced in by endless rules, expectations, self limiting belief systems, historical trauma, etc. etc etc.
Older women appear to be ahead of the game, on this front. I get asked out quite a bit, but always with the qualification. “This is not a date.” I like this, it allows everyone to relax. Maybe.
But people are so desperate for intimacy and afermation they are willing to be do bad things to get it, even though that is an obvious oxymoron.
But has it always been this bad? Well yes, actually. I went to college in ’86, just as it was becoming apparent that Aids wasn’t just a gay blokes thing. The whole student body crossed it’s legs as one. I was traumatised. It felt like the end of the world. But it wasn’t, it was normal.
Strangers are always and have always been trying to tell people what to do, especially when the subject is so emotionally charged. Love & sex is at the very top of that list. None of this “advice” much to do with the person sitting opposite me right now.
She’s anxious and finds conversation either too easy or impossibility hard. I will try to help her relax so we can have a proper conversation. This may not work so I might have to leave early. Some gentle excuse.
If she is able to relax, we can have a chat. Just two people chatting. No woke, no game, no ideology. Just two people chatting, weird right? But I will leave early, to avoid the embarrassment that is soon to follow, if “the leaving” is mismanaged I will never see her again. There are so many things that need to not be mismanaged. It’s not about seeing her again actually, that’s a given, it’s more about not leaving with a residual icky-ness.
But oddly, I enjoy dating, but in the same way as I enjoy solving complicated philosophical (ethical?) problems. How can so many things about intimacy be simultaneously true? But also untrue at the same time. There must be some underlying truth that simplifies.
Yeah, I get that. All of it. I think it becomes easier to manage, if you disconnect the desire, and the expectation Just two people chatting. Seeing if there is anything to share. The whole process of, what? Dating? Sharing chemistry? Sexual intimacy? It’s all fenced in by endless rules, expectations, self limiting belief systems, historical trauma, etc. etc etc.
Older women appear to be ahead of the game, on this front. I get asked out quite a bit, but always with the qualification. “This is not a date.” I like this, it allows everyone to relax. Maybe.
But people are so desperate for intimacy and afermation they are willing to be do bad things to get it, even though that is an obvious oxymoron.
But has it always been this bad? Well yes, actually. I went to college in ’86, just as it was becoming apparent that Aids wasn’t just a gay blokes thing. The whole student body crossed it’s legs as one. I was traumatised. It felt like the end of the world. But it wasn’t, it was normal.
Strangers are always and have always been trying to tell people what to do, especially when the subject is so emotionally charged. Love & sex is at the very top of that list. None of this “advice” much to do with the person sitting opposite me right now.
She’s anxious and finds conversation either too easy or impossibility hard. I will try to help her relax so we can have a proper conversation. This may not work so I might have to leave early. Some gentle excuse.
If she is able to relax, we can have a chat. Just two people chatting. No woke, no game, no ideology. Just two people chatting, weird right? But I will leave early, to avoid the embarrassment that is soon to follow, if “the leaving” is mismanaged I will never see her again. There are so many things that need to not be mismanaged. It’s not about seeing her again actually, that’s a given, it’s more about not leaving with a residual icky-ness.
But oddly, I enjoy dating, but in the same way as I enjoy solving complicated philosophical (ethical?) problems. How can so many things about intimacy be simultaneously true? But also untrue at the same time. There must be some underlying truth that simplifies.
Is there?
Yeah, I get that. All of it. I think it becomes easier to manage, if you disconnect the desire, and the expectation Just two people chatting. Seeing if there is anything to share. The whole process of, what? Dating? Sharing chemistry? Sexual intimacy? It’s all fenced in by endless rules, expectations, self limiting belief systems, historical trauma, etc. etc etc.
Older women appear to be ahead of the game, on this front. I get asked out quite a bit, but always with the qualification. “This is not a date.” I like this, it allows everyone to relax. Maybe.
But people are so desperate for intimacy and afermation they are willing to be do bad things to get it, even though that is an obvious oxymoron.
But has it always been this bad? Well yes, actually. I went to college in ’86, just as it was becoming apparent that Aids wasn’t just a gay blokes thing. The whole student body crossed it’s legs as one. I was traumatised. It felt like the end of the world. But it wasn’t, it was normal.
Strangers are always and have always been trying to tell people what to do, especially when the subject is so emotionally charged. Love & sex is at the very top of that list. None of this “advice” much to do with the person sitting opposite me right now.
She’s anxious and finds conversation either too easy or impossibility hard. I will try to help her relax so we can have a proper conversation. This may not work so I might have to leave early. Some gentle excuse.
If she is able to relax, we can have a chat. Just two people chatting. No woke, no game, no ideology. Just two people chatting, weird right? But I will leave early, to avoid the embarrassment that is soon to follow, if “the leaving” is mismanaged I will never see her again. There are so many things that need to not be mismanaged. It’s not about seeing her again actually, that’s a given, it’s more about not leaving with a residual icky-ness.
But oddly, I enjoy dating, but in the same way as I enjoy solving complicated philosophical (ethical?) problems. How can so many things about intimacy be simultaneously true? But also untrue at the same time. There must be some underlying truth that simplifies.
Is there?