Amazing that no-one has commented on this. As what would be termed an “old fashioned male” I recognise all the same temptations that you describe, but as someone committed to trying to follow Jesus in my life I know it is possible to pursue a different course. Often, particularly when engaged in the dating scene, this can feel like missing out. However, now in mid-life, with my family still together, a wife whom I love and three children to attempt to lead, it doesn’t feel like that. I can look around at more bohemian minded peers who remain single. Sure, they have had, probably, way more sex than I have had, with, certainly, way more people than me, but they don’t have many of the other things I have and treasure. I read once that if you couldn’t honestly say “I love you” to a person, closely followed by “will you marry me?”, then you probably should not go to bed with them. I knew, deep down, that to do otherwise would be no better than using them for the purposes of self-gratification. I pray that my children will be able to navigate successfully through even more difficult waters than I had to. Lust is not love. One is easy, like falling off a log, the other takes time, work and commitment. Very little that I view in the media seems to take true, committed, costly love very seriously, and yet the average person in the street recognises, deep down that getting together and sticking together is what builds family life. Rich people and pretty women/people have a hard time finding true love. This has always been true, never more so today.
T B
4 years ago
I am 61 and went to university in the late 70s. Sure, we felt liberated sexually. However, there was no expectation from men that you would have sex with them. Going all the way was still regarded as something special and, for us girls, not to be undertaken lightly. We used to indulge in snogging, heavy petting, etc, and that was it. You only had sex with someone you were serious about and in a relationship with. Having sex with someone is now regarded as normal, as the right of a man if he takes you out and women feel obliged to go along with it. However, women need to value their bodies more and not just be having sex because they can or because it’s expected. Louise talks about men not respecting women’s desires. Unfortunately, if you have sex on the first or second date, men do not respect you at all. I feel that we had the better deal back then. Later, in the 90s, young girls I worked with were always surprised that the men they picked up on Saturday nights and took home for sex never came back for a second date. I suggested they should not have sex with someone they really liked straight away, but wait until they had got to know them better. This actually worked for them, as they then started to have proper relationships where they got to know and like each other first. I feel that today’s women allow themselves to be used practically as unpaid prostitutes. Girls, have some self respect and keep your knickers on – for a little while at least!
Matthew Newnham
3 years ago
It’s so sad that this is the state of affairs today. My cynical/realistic self isn’t surprised, but it’s still sad. There is so much true mutual enjoyment to be had between consulting adults without inflicting any pain, disrespect or lack of kindness. Is that a niche view?
Amazing that no-one has commented on this. As what would be termed an “old fashioned male” I recognise all the same temptations that you describe, but as someone committed to trying to follow Jesus in my life I know it is possible to pursue a different course. Often, particularly when engaged in the dating scene, this can feel like missing out. However, now in mid-life, with my family still together, a wife whom I love and three children to attempt to lead, it doesn’t feel like that. I can look around at more bohemian minded peers who remain single. Sure, they have had, probably, way more sex than I have had, with, certainly, way more people than me, but they don’t have many of the other things I have and treasure. I read once that if you couldn’t honestly say “I love you” to a person, closely followed by “will you marry me?”, then you probably should not go to bed with them. I knew, deep down, that to do otherwise would be no better than using them for the purposes of self-gratification. I pray that my children will be able to navigate successfully through even more difficult waters than I had to. Lust is not love. One is easy, like falling off a log, the other takes time, work and commitment. Very little that I view in the media seems to take true, committed, costly love very seriously, and yet the average person in the street recognises, deep down that getting together and sticking together is what builds family life. Rich people and pretty women/people have a hard time finding true love. This has always been true, never more so today.
I am 61 and went to university in the late 70s. Sure, we felt liberated sexually. However, there was no expectation from men that you would have sex with them. Going all the way was still regarded as something special and, for us girls, not to be undertaken lightly. We used to indulge in snogging, heavy petting, etc, and that was it. You only had sex with someone you were serious about and in a relationship with. Having sex with someone is now regarded as normal, as the right of a man if he takes you out and women feel obliged to go along with it. However, women need to value their bodies more and not just be having sex because they can or because it’s expected. Louise talks about men not respecting women’s desires. Unfortunately, if you have sex on the first or second date, men do not respect you at all. I feel that we had the better deal back then. Later, in the 90s, young girls I worked with were always surprised that the men they picked up on Saturday nights and took home for sex never came back for a second date. I suggested they should not have sex with someone they really liked straight away, but wait until they had got to know them better. This actually worked for them, as they then started to have proper relationships where they got to know and like each other first. I feel that today’s women allow themselves to be used practically as unpaid prostitutes. Girls, have some self respect and keep your knickers on – for a little while at least!
It’s so sad that this is the state of affairs today. My cynical/realistic self isn’t surprised, but it’s still sad. There is so much true mutual enjoyment to be had between consulting adults without inflicting any pain, disrespect or lack of kindness. Is that a niche view?