Do men have a stronger sex drive than women? The question came up last week because, in one of those quirky moments that modern life provides where you’re not sure if you’re living in a sitcom, the actress Alyssa Milano called on women to start a sex strike in protest to US abortion laws.
It kicked up a great big fuss, because various other women said: wait, hang on, I enjoy sex, and I don’t think it’s supposed to be a thing that I grant to a man like a favour. But it also caused a lot of hilarity, when a bunch of men said things like “women may CLAIM to like sex, but you really don’t”, or “I have yet to meet a hetero woman who enthusiastically participates in sex”. (I’m not going to link: they’ve been piled on enough already.)
As people pointed out, this is what the kids today call a spectacular self-own. “I have yet to meet a hetero woman who enthusiastically participates in sex WITH ME”, they rephrased. Or, alternatively, “People hate food, it’s a known fact! Just ask anyone I’ve ever cooked for.”
It’s obviously true that the “women don’t enjoy sex” guys are wrong: women do enjoy sex. A slightly more interesting question is whether, on average, they want it as much as men do. And the answer, there, is almost certainly no.
The most famous research on the subject is a 2001 meta-analysis by Roy Baumeister, Kathleen Catanese, and Kathleen Vohs, combining the results of 150 earlier studies. You can’t measure “sex drive” directly, so the study looked at a wide range of proxy measures. They found that men had more frequent sexual “thoughts, fantasies, and spontaneous arousal” – for instance, one study they looked at reported that “nearly all the men (91%) but only half the women (52%) experienced sexual desire several times a week or more”.
Men’s “desired frequency of sex” was higher, too, throughout the lifetime of a relationship: one study found that “wives consistently reported that they were quite satisfied with the amount of sex they had in their marriages, but men on average wished for about a 50% increase”, another that “a majority of husbands (60%) but only a minority of wives (32%) said they would prefer to have sex more often”.
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SubscribeI have to wonder, albeit there being plenty of evidence for why men want sex more often, is it also possible that women want sex less often because they are more satisfied when they do have it? Women have twice as many nerve endings in their c******s (8,000) than the entire p***s (4,000), so feel twice as much pleasure which builds up (and is enjoyed) over a longer period (roughly 12-35 minutes until orgasm compared to 6 minutes for men), their orgasms last up to 15-20 seconds (compared to 3-5 seconds for men), their orgasms (and the climactic pleasure from them) are felt throughout the entire body, and they are capable of having multiples. Not only this, but scientifically all areas of the brain are active whilst a woman is orgasming, but only the animal parts of the brain light up when men are orgasming.
This article seems to contain nothing but waffle. We KNOW men want sex more than women but we just want to know WHY!
Exactly… why ?? I am all for an equal sex drive for men and women. Divorce rates would go down, happy couples everywhere.
Women themselves don’t know why. They are also unhappy with the situation, so it is hard to believe that they would know how to fix it, yet don’t do it. Perhaps it is that male and female have irreconcilable libidos, period. If so, then the best that we can hope for is respect for each other’s nature, and some practical arrangement that makes human sex life less painful and frustrating than it has been.
When I read through this article I read how often women report wanting sex and so on. My experience as a woman has been that I absolutely should not express my sexuality at all. To me it seems akin to the way lots of men are taught not to express emotion overtly. I’ve been taught that sex is all about the man and that I should just do whatever he likes, being careful not to be a s**t, and just discreetly take care of things on my own. It’s really unhealthy. I can’t even tell long term partners what I like, so I can’t orgasm or really get into it. Up until recently my partners didn’t know how often I masturbated because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. I think there a lot of women like me and all the rules and expectations take a lot of the joy out of sex. I don’t know about anybody else, but that could probably explain a lot of the results in this article. Lastly, hormonal birth control puts a huge dent in my sex drive and there’s a sort of sense of sex being a place you have to be very careful because myself, every woman in my immediate family, and a lot of my friends have been sexually assaulted. It has been soured to some extent.
Andrew Lowers point and, in its simplest form, men naturally have more testosterone and other male hormones. In line with evolution, men want to spread their seed as much as possible, whereas women have less testosterone as they have to be selective of (what they perceive to be ) the alpha male, and due to less testosterone, want sex less often when she’s found a mate. Women have a more emotional response to sex too – they do it because of the intense emotional connection they feel during it, caused by higher oxytocin levels than what men produce. When women orgasm, every area of the brain is active, including the human and emotional parts, a time when women feel most connected to their partners. When men orgasm, only the animal parts of the brain activate (i.e. “must, spread, seed”, like how an animal would think).
Yes! Sex, for Women is a “whole body” experience. We feel our orgasms throughout our: Body, Mind, and Spirit. I believe that it’s a “Chakra” thing. They Build-up longer, and Last, longer! Whereas, Male’s orgasms last for seconds: Ejaculate, and move on…or fall asleep 🙂
Yeah the studies are in some way outdated, I think that should clear some misconception.
It’s good to read an article based on evidence, instead if gender politics. As a man, I had my own experiences and drew objective conclusions very much aligned with the author’s. Yet the real question remains: How should men and women deal with this imbalance? It is plain to see that no one will be happy until both genders are happy and satisfied with their sex lives. The current gender war is unfortunately preventing adult discussion, and there is a risk of unfixable break-up due to MeToo, MGTOW, incels, Red Pill and the advent of AI sex (I.e. robots). Sad times indeed.
Yes why ?? Many relationship issues would dissapear if women wanted sex as much as men.
I agree with a lot of what this article says.. However, I think you’re underestimating societies impact on how often females participate in sex.
For instance, when a girl gets drunk, there’s a much higher likelyhood she would agree to sex with someone she might not consider when sober, and that usually comes down to societal factors imo. If you told a girl she would definitely not get pregnant (or put her on birth control), I’m not sure it would increase how likely she is to agree to sex. However, if you told her no one would ever know if you had sex, I feel like that could have a larger impact.
Of course all of these differ with each individual, but in my experience thats how that majority seem to behave.
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It is a very good article. I am going through it carefully then I will come back to comment more views.