All alone: even when I was a child, I’ve always known there was something to be frightened of … I can see it coming from the edge of the room, creeping in the streetlight. Holding my head in the pale gloom: can you see it coming now?
Florence Welch won’t be happy: not only was one of her songs used at the Tory conference, but the hoo-hah about her displeasure reminded me how much I love her work; so here she is again, being discussed (used) by a Conservative, quite without her consent.
The opening lines are from Breaking Down, which would have been more appropriate for the conference, perhaps. It’s a song about the terror of losing control; the thin, thin line that separates reason from insanity. It captures me entirely while I listen to it, plucking my psychic awareness loose from its concrete suburban solidity, and tossing it into the eerie, frightening world that Florence describes, and which I find uncomfortably familiar.
As a teenager I had a conscious discussion with myself: how simple it would be to stop the pretence of normality; give up the Robot Boy act (the carapace designed and worn as protection), and indulge myself in (what I saw as) the weakness of a breakdown. Stop not screaming, I thought, give it up and let go. This unkind world you didn’t ask to inhabit: you don’t owe it the cost of your sanity.
These thoughts passed (of course) and I imagine are fairly standard for the adolescent. But surely Florence had a similar… experience. Her genius allowed her to transmute the fear (“I can see it coming from the edge of the room”) into a song of great beauty.
You know the famous scene in Six Degrees of Separation, when Stockard Channing flips the double-sided canvas round and round: chaos/control. Chaos/control. The grip we have on the one depends on our ability to spin the other.
And that “other”, that creature… “creeping in the streetlight”, as Florence sees it, or manifest as a demon, as Iris Murdoch might suggest, or “just” a psychic artefact, as a psychiatrist would put it, or even a sociological construct of structural inequality: of whatever matter it consists, it is, regardless, quite, quite real. We all have our demons, and spend our lives casting around for angels to save us.
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