Margaret Atwood and Bernardine Evaristo. Credit: Jeff Spicer/Getty Images

There’s a popular image macro meme that circulates around the internet called “You Had One Job”. The authorities on meme classification identify it as a subcategory of the “Epic Fail” family of memes, and the format is pretty standard. You take a photograph of something obviously stupid — a big bag of donuts in a shop marked “Hot Dogs”, say; a price-reduction sticker that tells you “Original Price: £15.99, Now only £17.99”; a kids’ lunchbox with a big picture of Superman on it labelled “Batman” — and you superimpose in nice friendly capitals: “YOU HAD ONE JOB”.
Such an image macro we can now imagine being made of the photographs of Margaret Atwood and Bernardine Evaristo embracing on stage as last night’s joint winners of the 2019 Booker Prize. BOOKER JUDGES, YOU HAD ONE JOB. Pick a sodding winner. One winner. That’s what the rules say. That’s what you’re formally empanelled to do, and paid to do, and trusted to do. That’s what the public are expecting you to do. That is the whole point of the prize.
According to reports of proceedings, the judges were deadlocked between the two eventual winners. They asked Gaby Wood, the literary director of the prize, whether they could split the prize. No, she said: you can’t. They specifically changed the rules in 1992, after the last time this happened, precisely to prevent judges wimping out and splitting the fifty grand between two. The rubric says in black and white: “the prize may not be divided or withheld”. The panel returned for another hour of deliberation. They asked, again, whether they could split the prize. Gaby this time booted the issue upstairs to Helena Kennedy, Booker’s uber-poobah, the chair of the foundation’s trustees. She, too, said firmly that, no: their job was to pick a single winner.
Did that do the trick? No.The panel ignored her too and insisted that they were going to split the prize anyway. “We were trying to accommodate the rules that were given to us,” the chair of the judges, Peter Florence, said afterwards. “How do you equably and fairly resolve something that seems irresolvable? You find a way of changing the game.” Fine words, but the first sentence is pure humbug. Rules aren’t there for you to “try to accommodate” — just ask Boris Johnson about his prorogation scheme.
But the nature of Booker is such that — given the final judging meeting happens on the day of the prize — the judges had the whip hand. I can’t speak for the Booker trustees, but you can make a pretty good guess as to why they had to cave. Public-relations-wise, firing the judges and/or cancelling the prize two hours before it was due to be awarded — with Katie Derham all done up to the nines and the Guildhall already filling up with tipsy blokes in black tie — would have been completely unthinkable. Cave they did. Shame on Peter Florence, who as chair had the power and responsibility to use his casting vote, for putting them in that position.
I don’t make this complaint from a literary point of view. Moaning that the judges should have picked a different winner is the traditional form of fatuous post-Booker comment; indeed, that’s the piece I’d rather be writing. For what it’s worth I’ve read Bernardine Evaristo’s book, Girl, Woman, Other and I think it’s terrific. I haven’t read Atwood’s The Testaments but I have every faith that it’s terrific too. Maybe there were better books; maybe not. The deal with the Booker Prize is that each panel of judges gets to choose the winner they damn well please, and literary pundits fill a quick few column inches and make a quick few quid grumbling about it or defending the decision according to taste, and the whole jolly cycle begins again.
And, yes, of course every chair of judges makes — as Peter Florence did at some length — a speech in which he or she formulaically laments the cruel artificiality of the prize process. Every chair, as Peter Florence did, wrings his or her hands about how, really, they wish they could have given every book on their stellar longlist a prize. Every chair, as Peter Florence did, says how hard it was to choose. That, too, is part of the game. It’s gracious and right and it’s expected.
But then you’re supposed to say: “But at the end of the day there could be only one winner…” Absurd it may be; unfair it may be; even philistine it may be — but that’s the game. That’s what you sign up for.
Here’s the problem. Within moments of the win being announced, I found myself in a conversation — I expect one that will have been replicated all over the hall in various forms — with some fellow guests. One wondered aloud whether the double win had been because the judges had felt sentimental about Margaret Atwood: they wanted to give the prize to Evaristo, she speculated, because hers was the better book, but they didn’t feel they could snub a writer of Atwood’s undoubted greatness and loveableness.
Well, possibly, someone else countered. But isn’t it equally possible that it was the other way around? Perhaps they thought Margaret Atwood had written the best book but they wanted to give Bernardine Evaristo’s profile a much needed and much deserved boost; that giving the prize to a book whose vast sales were already guaranteed and whose author was already as famous as authors get would be a waste of the power at their disposal.
Either of these positions might be true. And neither position might be true: perhaps, indeed, quite independently of any extra-literary consideration, the judges considered both books so equally good that you could not get a cigarette paper between them.
But by choosing both, they immediately open the verdict to that sort of speculation. That’s unfair on both authors. Bernardine, on stage, spoke very graciously about how thrilled she was to be sharing the prize with “the legend that is Margaret Atwood”. But as she was too gracious to say, it obviously would have been even more thrilling to have beaten that legend into joint second place.
The suspicion in the reading public’s mind will be that one or other of these considerable authors was being patronised; that something extra-literary had entered into the considerations of the panel, that the judges were trying to have their cake and eat it. Had they given it a single one, that would not have been possible in the same way. They could have said, simply: this book is first among equals. Pundits may say what they like, may accuse us of what they like, but we have made the hard decision that every panel of Booker is tasked to make — and this is the best novel published in English, in our opinion, this year.
That they did not presents a tremendous headache for the prize going forward. The rules were put in writing. They were reaffirmed, unequivocally, at the highest levels of institutional authority. And the judges demonstrated that they could, effectively, blackmail the organisers into ignoring them.
This sets a rotten, rotten precedent. The handshake agreements that have previously governed the judging could well firm into legal contracts; the valuably theatrical tradition that the final meeting takes place on the day (also practical since it helps prevent leaks) might well go by the board. And even with such notional safeguards established, what’s to prevent judges throwing a similar strop in future years. You let them split the prize two ways: why can’t we split it three ways this year?
Epic fail.
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Subscribe“It was as if, by voting the nationalists into power, my fellow countrymen had accidentally resurrected Calvinism in woke form.” Yep, Scottish nationalism is a twisted localised form of wokeism. Its primary aim is to absolve Scotland of the sins of Empire by blaming it all on England.
Well, you’ll always gather a number of upticks by being first out, but your last sentence is a load of unqualified BS. There’s a lot more to the nationalism and independence issue than that, even though the omicron individuals in Holyrood are doing their level best to present it that way. There are an awful lot of idiots and bigots in Scotland who’ve no idea what they’re about but it’s no different to the omicron English individuals posting bigoted and cynical comments when an article concerning Scotland appears. You’re no better or worse!
Yes, Scotland is a hell hole at the moment with no prospect of improvement but the probable 50% of Scots who are repulsed by the incompetent figures in Holyrood deserve some kind of consideration instead of having their noses rubbed in the s**t. And the headline is probably true but the humour south of the border is only better thanks to the clowns in Westminster.
Too many strawmen and too much incoherence to address in detail. But if you note the word ‘primary’ in my last sentence and if you’re acquainted with the blue haired woke youth (and some old enough to know better) of Scotland you’ll know it’s true. Sturgeon and the more traditional nationalistic bigots are indeed motivated by other things but they’re nothing without the support of the woke youth and their white/post-colonial guilt at the ballot box. It’s why they want to reduce the voting age.
I don’t know if either of you live in Scotland, but if you don’t then take it from me that you are actually both right.
“The PC police remind me of the old definition of a Scottish Presbyterian : a man who has a nasty, nagging feeling that somebody, somewhere is enjoying themselves.
They are addicted to the warm glow of self satisfaction and pride that comes from demonstrating their moral purity.”*
(*John Cleese, thank you!)
Very apt, but Cleese was (mis)quoting H L Mencken.
In a huff after the Brexit vote, the globetrotting eco-doomster Emma Thompson described the UK as a ‘cake-filled misery-laden grey old island’. I think she can only have had Scotland in mind – one of her properties is there.
Perhaps Mencken was a little too optimistic when he wrote “Scotland has made enormous progress ( in becoming civilized) since the Eighteenth Century when, according to Macaulay, most of it was on the cultural level of Albania”?
As for Thompson, a childhood spent near the aptly named metropolis of Dunoon cannot have been much fun.
Some commentators here lack a sense of irony.Are they American? :]
Gosh! What a terrible thing to say!
From your style I recognise a former sparring partner. Though surprised to see that you’ve been gender reassigned!
This dammed Covid does strange things!
Not unjustified, however.
We in the states don’t lack irony. In fact, over here we’re living in the Irony Age.
Bravo!
What’s big, Scottish, and depressing?
answer – Scotland.
Not very big
Nothing wrong with cake.
deleted
I would never have thought that the Scots would end up being the most craven bootlickers in these isles.
Dr Samuel Johnson would not have been surprised!*
(*1709-1784.)
The Scots are not : Scotland (in the shape of its risible politicians) might be, but not the Scots.
Who are you calling craven, Jimmy?
I grew up in the midst of the religious divide and reached adulthood in the early eighties in Glasgow. The culture of the time, as the writer says, promoted the challenging of the establishment, which suited me. But then I started to realise that the religious bigotry is endemic to the culture, and it’s matched by an inverted, and similarly tribal, working class snobbery that saw no fault in anything Labour did – the red Clydesiders. This cultural backwardness was bad enough, but then the SNP turned latent anti-English prejudices into full blown racism – and the heady mix of existing bigotries aided this.
I dislike the current Scottish culture, and the only solution to it I can see is for them to achieve independence, and find out that they really aren’t as good and liberal as they think they are – and that they need England and it’s liberalism.
I dislike the current Scottish culture, and the only solution to it I can see is for them to achieve independence, and find out that they really aren’t as good and liberal as they think they are – and that they need England and its liberalism.
Or alternatively, they might discover, as the republican Irish have, that they are even more good and liberal than they had given themselves credit for, and they are well rid of England, with its moral self-harm and political corrupt decadence.
…but then the SNP turned latent anti-English prejudices into full blown racism
English and Scots are the same race—physical genetics. I think you mean “full blown ethnocentrism”—cultural grouping, or “nationalism”—political affiliation.
Great piece, written with knowledge and authority.
God, it needs to be shouted from the rooftops! Freedom of speech matters, because if you give them an inch, they’ll end up taking your job, your family, your peace of mind, your hope to live unmolested and unwatched by interfering authorities!
It depresses me to see it happen in Britain. It looks like our noble culture was far more fragile than we knew. Or perhaps that we aren’t our fathers, I don’t know.
My one hope is that we’re in the middle of ‘Good times make weak men; weak men make bad times.’ If the next stage is ‘Bad times make strong men’ there will still be hope in the future, when all this wokery is cast out.
Scotland, like Russia, still has a wicked sense of humour, especially the Gallows variety. However, it is now increasingly indulged in private: could this be some indicator of a totalitarian state?
So true.
I am so glad my experience of Calvinism is so different from that of the author!
My experience of the profound and heartwarming Calvinism of the 19th century preacher Hugh Martin has been delightfully different.
Scotland is a bit like lesbians: not very interesting, permanently in a rage, best ignored and left to get on with it by themselves.
So just like those who live in Englandshire then…
A slur on English lesbians!
Sad, sick misogyny… enjoy kicking unavailable women, do you?
Jon, If you can’t post anything less omicron then please desist
Another misogynist unlaid clown without a brain.
An interesting article. I don’t live in Scotland but I did in the early 1980s.
Scotland is a little like Scandinavian countries but not as extreme. They have a lot more darkness in winter than we do in Southern England and the temperatures are a couple of degrees cooler. This makes for depression in winter and there were definitely more serious drinkers when I was there – in fact, Rab C Nesbitt became a hero in those times.
In Scotland there was a camaraderie, a feeling that things were tough but we were all in it together. The government often became the enemy, especially in pubs at chucking-out time.
Today, with some working from home and working hours being shorter and hobbies which mean sitting alone in a room looking at a computer, I suspect that people still think about things but the camaraderie has gone. Hence the feeling that people are just doing what they are told.
Society wise Scandinavia’s nothing like Scotland, weather wise it’s becoming more similar with damp and changeable weather and drink wise they’re even more serious to a degree where the state alcohol shops in Sweden shut for the weekend at 15.00 on a saturday and encourage people to abstain from purchasing and consuming. As I remember the camraderie tended to degenerate at closing time where the camraderie and not the government became the enemy.
There are plenty of people in Scotland (and England too) who don’t care a fig for the admonitions of the Great and Good. Although they are not particularly great or good in Scotland.
Shame they don’t vote.
Very true, although to the contemptuous all politicians look the same.
The SNP have not surprisingly become the strongest ally of Unionism. For a start the cabal’s “big men” (and I include Sturgeon in that) don’t want independence as it would end their grubby tenure of Holyrood.
They are also despised by all free thinking male Scots ( the ladies fight a different more primitive corner). Hopefully as the lack to any proper economic plan becomes evident and society crumbles through attacks on family and freedom of conscience they will be investigated and despatched before any further damage can be inflicted.
I have lived in Yorkshire for most of my life and have heard that Yorkshire folk are like the Scots but with the humour forced out of them!
Being Scouse born and bred, I recognise that quality in the city I live in.Liverpudlians are more outgoing and humerous.We also have a reputation for being thieves and scoundrels.I think many stereo types reflect an element of truth.
Scotland is one Barnett formula cheque away from destitution and one referendum vote away from ruin.
I genuinely pity anyone who’s pension is based in Scotland after independence. The ensuing currency crisis will wipe you out.
I’d be worried about house prices too. The primary asset of many families.
Seriously, anyone thinking of living in Scotland should reconsider…even the Scots.
The Scots are a true ancient people whose roots go back far beyond the modern shoots of Calvin; they’ll be back, probably rustling your sheep in the process…
In fact all the way to the Glens of Antrim. Such bad luck.
It would seem life is slowly but surely becoming a damp-squib for Scots, then. There they all are now, huddled in the drawing room, awaiting the entrance of their inquisitor. He arrives. A stern, upright man looking down on everyone from his medium height. The announcement is made that here before them is Hector Pry-Roe, the well-known inquisitor from “Bel…, Bel…, Bel…”, an unfortunate spluttering of coughs ensues as the announcer folds over having let his tickly throat get the better of him.
“Belgium?” inquires an elderly woman from the group assembled.
“No, … Belfast.”
The groans resound around the room. The tension becomes even more palpable. The stakes are raised. Plunged into the ground, they are.
There’s more than just one guilty party, now they know.
Evokes Beckett, Joyce, and Dylan Thomas, and made me chuckle.
I am glad. I wonder about the origin of the word chuckle. I shall look it up. And report back.
Late Middle English, from chukken, to cluck (imitative). However, a constrained kind of laughter.
But don’t hold back.
Chortle is more interesting.
Thatcher implemented the Poll Tax a year early in Scotland at the direct request of (Tory) Scottish MPs. It wasn’t an “experiment”, they actually thought it would be popular. Or at least, better than the alternative of a long-delayed Rates Revaluation which always provokes howls of protest.
Thatcher implemented the Poll Tax a year early in Scotland at the direct request of (Tory) Scottish MPs. It wasn’t an “experiment”, they actually thought it would be popular. Or at least, better than the alternative of a long-delayed Rates Revaluation which always provokes howls of protest.
Great article. Thank you.
I would have liked to hear actual stories and the feeling You experience contrasting Scotland to your life in Texas during that visit.
The Texas Governor is a very mixed bag, but is from another planet than Sturgeon. The people, place, and every day things must be wildly different when one just flies in, and later out, full of impressions.
America’s a third world shithole. Lived there for years, back in Scotland now.
I haven’t read much of Burns, but the best anti-Puritan satire I know of is Samuel Butler’s Hudibras.
https://www.exclassics.com/hudibras/hudibras.pdf
My country, Portugal has probably the oldest borders of Europe. There’s been an united Portugal for almost 9 centuries. I lived in the Republic of Ireland and I’m somewhat familiar with their history. Portugal and Ireland paid a very high price for their independence. A price exacted in mass emigration and endemic poverty. That’s why I dispise the “casual independence bros” of Scotland and Catalonia. It’s an idiotic performance. Were they willing to pay the price they would have been independent for centuries. Spoilled children!
It’s not what you’d call news though, is it?
The problem with Scotland is that it’s full of Scots.
Braveheart
Most of whom came from Ireland in the 5th century.
….to colonise , first Dal Riada before exterminating the indigenous people, the Picts, and almost completely eradicating any trace or memory of their culture.
Not that the average nationalist on social media will ever admit it…
Precisely, well said!
The problem with Scotland is it’s full of Scots…
Braveheart
The problem with Brave heart was his poor impersonation of Mel Gibson.
The problem with Braveheart was that it wasn’t Rab C Nesbitt
I gather that the real William Wallace was a giant of about
6’ 4””, whilst Mel Gibson Esq is a 5’ 5” Australian pygmy.
The best review of Braveheart I ever read had the line that ‘ had they included a small plasticine figure and called it *Wallace and Gromit* it would scarcely be less historically accurate….
Interesting that this ex pat thinks so much of a poet who was not only a slave master but also quite awealthy man and so part of the establishment at the time.
There are still many Scots who do not worship at the altar of Nicola and who still have a healthy contempt of government. Maybe you just have to live among it to see it, rather than do flying visits with rose tinted glasses.
Slave master?
Burns accepted a job as bookkeeper on a slave plantation but never took it.
The reason that he contemplated it, was because he was not, as you claim, “quite a wealthy man”.
He had a couple of good years of book sales later on in his 37 years of life, and his talent earned him support of some wealthy backers but that’s about it.
He wasn’t a slave master …but neither was not being wealthy any sort of unusual circumstance or excuse. Most of the Scots or English (Irish and Welsh of course as well) who went off around the world weren’t wealthy. Of course attitudes to slavery were different then but we pretend to forget that these days and judge all of history from our own pedestal.
I quite like the sleek hypocrisy of mind that particularly amongst Celts today celebrates colonialism by rebranding it as ‘the diaspora’. And happily talk constantly of blood and soil ethnic identity as ‘true Scots’ while accepting very slender bloodlines, and no experience of Scottish soil at all, for any hard running centre who can carry a rugby ball.
“Scotland” and “rose tinted glasses” belong in the same sentence like “Stevie Wonder” and “driving test” belong in the same sentence.