Dad bod or Adonis? Instagram / @greg_thenutritionist

It is a mystery that has exercised the greatest male minds of civilisation, from Sigmund Freud to the posters of Reddit: What does a woman want? There is, however, one radical option that none of them has ever thought to try: ask her.
Which is what evolutionary psychologist William Costello did, posting before-and-after photos of the singer Olly Murs, either side of a ā12-week gym transformationā. In picture one, Murs has visible muscles but is a little on the chunky side ā a classic ādad bodā, in the thirsty language of the internet. In picture two, heās straight-up ripped, body fat stripped away and every muscle on show ā a lean, honed Adonis at the pinnacle of his physical development.
And yet: almost four times as many women chose the ābeforeā over the āafterā. But nearly twice as many men chose the āafterā over the ābeforeā, and a lot of them seemed as baffled by the āfeminine soulā as Freud ever was. The moment Costelloās post went mega-viral was when another user screen-grabbed the results and shared the image with the caption, āwhy are women lying about this? like whatās the actual cause?ā
In other words: even when several women tell you outright what they want, some men simply canāt believe it. Women must be being dishonest, said aggrieved men in the replies ā or if not that, then they must be deceived by lighting or repulsed by after-Ollyās tiny shorts or anything, anything rather than being authentically more attracted to a body that doesnāt look like you could break a nail on it.
The gods of the discourse are capricious, but the gods of the discourse must be served. Did I ever think I would have an opinion on the sex appeal of Murs, arguably the most inoffensive man in pop? I did not, and yet I nevertheless have an opinion: the before is hotter. āBeforeā looks solid. āBeforeā looks like he could pick up a few heavy things without fainting. āBeforeā looks like someone you could hang out and eat pizza with. āAfterā looks like someone whose only concern is when itās time to eat his next egg white omelette.
A ripped physique is for sure impressive, if only because of the obsessive effort it takes to achieve it. But obsessive is not the same as attractive. Competitive bodybuilders alternate ācutsā (fat-loss programmes) with ābulksā (which involve taking on extra calories to build mass), meticulously timing the cycle to ensure that they hit the stage at the point of optimum body composition. In fact, itās impossible to cut indefinitely: at some point, if you keep losing weight, youāll start losing a noticeable amount of muscle.
Achieving the perfect look for flexing is too brutally restrictive to do for very long. As Mursā wife Amelia (herself not exactly a slouch in the fitness stakes) commented on his Instagram: āSo proud of you⦠does this mean we get to eat the same dinners again now?!ā Which is funny and sweet, but also points to part of the problem with the super-lean male body from the female point of view: any man who attains it isnāt going to have much attention left over for you after heās given his all to meal prep. Women, on the whole, are looking for relationship material, and relationship material has time for you.
A woman doesnāt need to know anything about the quest for macros to know what she likes, though. All she has to know is that a man with a reasonable proportion of body fat ā not obese, but with a little in reserve ā looks healthy, at ease in himself and capable. The evolutionary explanation might involve something about a well-fed man looking like a reliable provider. Maybe part of the reason after-Murs is off-putting to most women is that they can see heās effectively starving.
The bigger questions are why men canāt take a woman at her word ā and why men themselves should be so attached to a wrong opinion about what constitutes an ideal body. Now, Iām not accusing the men of lying about what they like. That would be unnecessary. But I am fascinated by the lengths men will go to in order to acquire a physique that most women find a comprehensive turnoff.
Out in the incel wilds, men discuss the mythical āGigachadā: a man so humungously swole (and charming and confident, but mostly swole) that heās irresistible to women. In the sexual theology of the manosphere, the Gigachad is the counterpart to the female Gigastacy ā meaning he has exclusive access to the most attractive women. Young men in forums sincerely discuss how they can achieve Gigachaddom, swapping tips on achieving calorie deficit while hitting protein goals in order to achieve that elusive washboard stomach.
The longer you spend reading those forums, though, the more obvious it becomes that the primary audience these men have in mind isnāt female at all. The meticulous dissection of delts, lats and abdominals (and even more importantly, the display of delts, lats and abdominals for the purposes of feedback) is for each other. This is a subculture of men looking at men, and projecting their preferences onto women. If it wasnāt for that last part, the supposed hotbed of frustrated heterosexuality would actually look pretty gay.
Gymmaxxing, as the incels call it, is not politically neutral. Itās Right-coded ā so much so that when The New York Times recently profiled streamer Hasan Piker, a socialist who also (gasp) lifts weights, the headline described him as āa progressive mind in a MAGA bodyā. On the face of it, this is ludicrous, not least because no one whoās seen a MAGA rally is likely to confuse it with Mr Universe. But it is true all the same that the subcultures that are most concerned with traditional masculinity are also the most concerned with the arduous maintenance of a masculine aesthetic, however much they might deny that āmasculineā and āaestheticā belong in the same sentence.
If you want to get not merely ripped but really big, it takes more than diet and exercise. Robert F. Kennedy Jr., for example, adheres to an āanti-ageingā testosterone regimen that has enabled him to stay unnervingly hench into his seventies: āits most obvious effects,ā wrote Nicholas Florko in The Atlantic, ālook a lot like juicing.ā Podcasting king Joe Rogan has similarly described taking testosterone replacement therapy, and in both cases thereās a squeamish insistence on a health alibi for an appearance intervention that is not unlike me insisting I want Botox to cure my headaches rather than to fix my wrinkles.
But because masculinity is, supposedly, natural, admitting to taking hormones can seem high stakes. Which is how the fitness influencer known as the Liver King ended up, ludicrously, pretending that his gains were all down to a āprimalā diet of organ meat. Even though he had a chest like two basketballs and the tell-tale corned beef complexion of the steroid user ā neither of which, it should be noted, are considered particularly desirable by women. Nonetheless, he had a dedicated following of men who bought his supplements in the hope of looking more like him.
One reason for the coyness about steroids is to protect the idea that the ripped body is the product of concerted labour. No shortcuts. To the male gaze, itās a good thing that the ripped body looks like hard work: it suggests effort that deserves reward, in the form of female attention. Meanwhile, thereās often a distaste for the effort women have to put into hotness maintenance: according to incel lore, Gigastacys can work out, but they donāt need to. Girls arenāt meant to sweat, just to be perfect objects without trying.
Menās taste in men has nothing to do with what women want. The masculine dream of the ultimate six-pack isnāt about getting the chicks. Itās a fantasy of marble perfection: no softness, no flab. Itās also a cope: if you can convince yourself that women will only fall for the most extreme physique, youāve already explained away your own sexual failures. Meanwhile, women will carry on preferring the man who looks like he can both flip a tyre and eat a biscuit without having a panic attack. Despite what Freud thought, women really are pretty basic.
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