Here comes the anti-woke economy New banks promise to be 'woke-free'

In a similar fashion, the American Conservative Values ETF — which is trading as ACVF, with around $100 million in assets under management — has vowed to “stand against woke liberal investments” and implores investors to “take action with your wallet”. Thus Strive Asset Management’s Exxon and Chevron-laden DRLL ETF, now trading on the Bloomberg US Energy Select Index. Thus the burgeoning Azoria Meritocracy ETF, set to begin trading in 2025, a self-proclaimed “S&P 500 fund without the woke shit”.

“It’s time to invest in companies that don’t hate you,” is how Donald Trump Jr summed up PublicSquare’s attitude in a social media post last year. It’s an interesting concept — this nexus of emotion, politics, and money. In his 1,000-page tome Capital and Ideology, the French economist Thomas Piketty argued that history is full of Trumpian “ruptures” that can reshape ideology, and as a result transform patterns of economic activity. During the Biden years, the consumer imperative to buy brands that reflect one’s politics resulted in a tsunami of “woke-washing” that spanned everything from Goldfish snacks to Pedigree dog food and “Woke Coke”. Now, the same is happening on the Right.

It’s certainly not a new idea for Trump, who for the past half-century has sought a global monopoly of eponymous casinos, hotels, office towers, golf clubs, and most recently, a line of cologne that even Jill Biden can’t resist. His trademarked cocktail, the Trumptini (Bacardi, Cointreau, sour mix, and cranberry juice served in a salt-rimmed martini glass, garnished with red Atlantic salmon caviar) is the signature drink of the Trump International Resort in Miami, and the beverage of choice for the would-be parallel economist.

An even greater irony is that creating a parallel economy qualified as one of the most grievous sins of the Libs. For the past decade or so, the Right has hurled insults at ESG, repeatedly scorning “the woke virus” (thank you, Elon Musk) that constitutes a “cultural cancer” (thank you, Vivek Ramaswamy) in its titanic efforts to deploy Lefty financial power for the sake of politically progressive agendas. Morningstar recently crunched the numbers for assets held by 7,600 global ESG investment funds, and came up with the extraordinary sum of $3.3 trillion. Perhaps this indicated an over-extension. Perhaps the investments simply weren’t delivering returns. In any case, a backlash was to be expected, and with the advent of Trump II hundreds of these funds are now being wound down, taking their carbon credits with them.

Yet ESG is not the liberal Left’s most despised acronym: that privilege lies with DEI, or Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, which the Right see as strangling American ingenuity. Trump’s pick for Secretary of Defense, Fox News pundit Pete Hegseth, may be an alleged sexual abuser, an inveterate womaniser, and, apparently, a drunk who dances on stage alongside strippers, but he may still get the nod from Congress to join the cabinet, his nomination bolstered by his accusation that the Pentagon has sabotaged military readiness and recruitment by its commitment to DEI.

When it comes to education, Trump has vowed to rid the field of “Left-wing indoctrination”, which, according to the beancounters, would have tremendous economic implications for institutes of higher learning that are lavishing millions each year on DEI programmes. The University of Michigan, for one, has already blown a wallet-busting $85 million on a five-year DEI plan. Nor has the private sector been exempt from extravagance in this regard, as a median company DEI budget comes in at around $1.2 million. No doubt, the secretaries and under-secretaries and assorted assistant secretaries of the monstrous United States Department of Health and Human Services are well aware that the salad days of hundreds of millions spent on DEI-related staff and programmes are almost over.

Good riddance, cries MAGA. And the subtext is clear: it’s time for some pork of our own. Trump’s triumph has been followed by some massive Right-wing monetary manoeuvres, as Omeed Malik, Ben Carson, and Donald Trump Jr are not alone in their hatred of ESG and DEI. Troves of major financial services firms have withdrawn from Climate Action 100+, a coalition of investors pushing companies to cut carbon emissions. “Investors are being held hostage,” declared Rep. Bill Huizenga, whose Congressional sub-committee held hearings targeting ESG investing. “Democrats, progressive activist investors, and proxy advisory firms have conspired to push woke ideology on millions of unsuspecting and unwilling American investors,” he added.

But as the Republicans take control of the presidency, Congress, and the Supreme Court, “Politically Responsible Investing” has taken on a new meaning — same as the old. A pioneer in this regard has been Hal Lambert, an ex-banker and frequent Fox Business News guest who served as Finance Chair of the Texas GOP and on Donald Trump’s 2017 Inaugural Committee. Lambert launched his Point Bridge Capital after Target Corporation committed the unpardonable sin of allowing transgender customers and employees to use restrooms that corresponded with their gender affiliation. Point Bridge is known for its “MAGA ETF”, a fund that allows high-net-worth individuals to invest in companies supportive of Right-wing ideology, such as Tyson Foods (which released 371 million pounds of pollution into US waterways), Phillips 66 (“drill baby drill”), and gun-peddling Walmart.

For those saving up in hope of future “high-net worth”, there’s Old Glory Bank, founded by the retired neurosurgeon and former Trump cabinet member Ben Carson, talk show pundit Larry Elder, and country music star John Rich, who once went viral for declaring that “wokeness killed country music”. Old Glory promises “freedom from cancel-culture and snooping eyes” to all its patriotic, flag-adoring customers.

The parallel economy promises there will be no MAGA left behind, even those living pay-check to pay-check. After years of simmering resentment, the most paltry consumer of media knows YouTube is out, Rumble in; Starbucks out, Black Rifle coffee in; instead of Charmin, Hillary Clinton toilet paper; instead of AT&T, Patriot Mobile — the Christian conservative wireless network. Instead of Huggies, Everylife diapers. And when it comes to buying a house, convicted felon General Mike Flynn has helped to found MAGA Realty, where every client is promised a free 25-foot flagpole and an AR-15. But perhaps nothing illustrates America’s divisions better than PublicSquare’s Trump MAGA All-Purpose Seasoning, a mixture of garlic, onion, maltodextrin, silicon dioxide, “and other secret spices”. No doubt, America will win the war against wokeness by means of proper seasoning.

DEI, ESG, EIG, or MAGA maltodextrin — at the end of the day, capitalism and politics are different things, and those who try to make the two into one are doomed to fail. The Right-wing social media app Rumble missed Wall Street expectations. Old Glory Bank, now four years old, still awaits the rush of new accounts. In the first nine months of this year, PublicSquare lost $37 million. As the holiday season approaches, it seems it’s not the thought that counts. It’s the money. So raise a glass for Christmas, everyone, be it a woke Coke or Trumptini.

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Frederick Kaufman is a contributing editor at Harper’s magazine and a professor of English and Journalism at the College of Staten Island. His next project is a book about the world’s first political reactionary.

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