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How looksmaxxing went mainstream The incel trend has been adopted by teenagers

Kareem Shami aka Syrianpsycho (Credit: Kareem Shami)

Kareem Shami aka Syrianpsycho (Credit: Kareem Shami)


August 27, 2024   5 mins

Let’s start with some facts. Trying to look your best is a normal, even admirable effort. Caring for your appearance is a sign that you respect not only yourself but those around you. A culture of young people interested in beauty is likely better than a culture of young people so uninvested in themselves and their futures that they have no concern with aesthetics at all.

But there are limits, ones that are now being stretched to the point of deterioration by the phenomenon of “looksmaxxing”. Referring to a broad category of practices aimed towards maximising your attractiveness, looksmaxxing follows the same ideology of “optimisation”, where every facet is quantifiable. Attractiveness, in this reading, is not subjective, but rather dictated by millimetres of bone and degrees of “canthal tilt” (another term for eye angle placement). And increasingly, this obsession with surgical levels of improvement is creeping into the vocabularies of teenagers.

What’s curious is that this is happening at a time when beauty standards are allegedly becoming more flexible than ever. Most young women, after all, have been raised in a culture that claims to embrace all bodies and faces. No longer, as many Dove campaigns seem to say, do girls need to starve themselves to a perpetual size 0. Have acne? Throw a convenient star-shaped patch over it and head off to school. Crooked teeth might even get you a modelling contract.

Of course, the reality isn’t quite that wholesome and carefree. Sure, braces might not get you bullied anymore, but social media has allowed us to find flaws we hadn’t known existed. Meanwhile, the pool of people to compare ourselves with is no longer confined to those within our immediate community or those exceptional enough to be seen on TV. Rather, thanks to social media, we are exposed to an endless array of individuals, attractive or otherwise, and have been given a new language to label and scrutinise not only them, but ourselves.

Yet over the past decade, such discourse has been marked by a glaring absence: men. Although periodically a trend like “dad bods” might come along, brands rarely champion for widened acceptance towards their aesthetic pressures. It’s into this vacuum that looksmaxxing first took form.

As KnowYourMeme explains, the term emerged in 2015 on forums like 4Chan and Reddit among incel and manosphere-adjacent groups desperate to improve their social and romantic standing. The term soon creeped into other corners of Reddit in the early 2020s with subreddits such as r/TrueRateMe, where users share pictures of themselves seeking honest opinions on their appearance. During this time, Reddit itself became increasingly mainstream: between 2018 and 2024, its monthly active users jumped from 331 million to an estimated 1.2 billion.

Meanwhile, TikTok also proliferated, presenting not only an addictive feed of comparison but a new platform for looksmaxxing and its philosophy to grow. Here, we’re shown unlimited hours of beautiful people paired with detailed explanations of why they’re beautiful, and, of more importance, why exactly we don’t look like them. Your jawline isn’t square enough. Your cheekbones aren’t prominent enough. Your nose is too wide. Your skin is too dull. Your lips are too thin. Your face is just asymmetrical enough that, whenever people gaze upon it, they will not see a worthy mate. And crucially, all of this can be quantified with precise traits and measures.

While looksmaxxing is practised by plenty of young women (one could argue women have long been participating, just not under that precise term), it is most rigidly pursued among young men. For women, our options may be more expansive: not only are the majority of skin and haircare products marketed towards us, but makeup offers us a culturally acceptable form of day-to-day improvement.

Absent of these same opportunities, it seems that men have applied looksmaxxing with more of a stringent, pseudo-scientific approach. In one TikTok from January, for example, an anonymous creator rates the attractiveness of influencer SyrianPsycho, a fellow looksmaxxing TikToker with 1.7 million followers. “Syrian has equal facial thirds, almond hunter green eyes with low set, thick and positively tilted eyebrows. He has excellent jawline visibility… he has a good nose shape and good chin projection. Syrian’s main flaws are on the jaw region, his lower jaw is slightly recessed and his gonial angle is on the higher side. He has a narrower than ideal lower third. His midface is on the longer side. Syrian is a 7.5 out of 10 facially.”

The video is filled with comments from fellow young men saying that if SyrianPsycho only scores a 7.5, then it’s “over” for them in comparison.

But through looksmaxxing, of course, any of this has the potential to be fixed. A person can “softmaxx” by getting a more flattering haircut, losing weight through diet and exercise, or improve their skincare routine. If this isn’t enough, they can “hardmaxx” instead — add filler to their lips, have the bones in their face shaven down, undergo excruciating surgery and months of recovery in order to become three inches taller. Through the help of men such as SyrianPsycho, who sell online courses on looksmaxxing and “self-improvement”, they, too, can be attractive.

It is possible, though, that as the language of looksmaxxing — and inceldom — enters the dominant lexicon, it becomes defanged. Searches for looksmaxxing topics on TikTok yield a blend of advice, criticism and jokes. While some young people continue to look towards looksmaxxing creators for insight into how to improve their perceived flaws, others have transformed it into a meme. Now, ironic references to canthal tilt likely outnumber earnest ones. For some, though, the jokes are a means of coping: “Eyebags detected, time to ropemaxx,” one TikTok with just under 1 million views reads, alluding to hanging oneself.

“It is possible, though, that as the language of looksmaxxing — and inceldom — enters the dominant lexicon, it becomes defanged.”

Ironic or otherwise, the damage may still be occurring. With guys like SyrianPsycho naming their courses “Mogwarts” — a reference to “mogging”, or being significantly more attractive than somebody — parsing what’s genuine becomes a challenge. As this all trickles down to younger audiences and becomes filtered through even more layers of memes and internet references, perhaps the true threat any of this presents has become niche. “Mewing”, for example, which refers to the practice of attempting to enhance one’s jawline through various facial exercises and tongue placement, has become a joke even in elementary schools. Among kids, mewing has become associated with a specific gesture and facial expression of pursing their lips, putting a finger up in a “shhh” symbol and then pointing to their jaws. Last week, Parents.com wrote that mewing has “taken over classrooms”, with many teachers lamenting how “disrespectful” the trend is.

Of course, every generation has had their childhood jokes that adults just didn’t understand. I was eight, going on nine, when Napoleon Dynamite was released and “Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner” entered my lexicon. I remember my mother being appalled by how my friends and I would repeat the line. But we didn’t even understand it. The Tina, who was described as a “fat lard”, was a llama in the film. We weren’t calling each other “fat lards”, but simply quoting the film of the summer.

I think of this now as my niece, 11, has begun making her own jokes about mewing. That she, a young girl who does not have her own mobile phone and isn’t even old enough to have an interest in makeup, would be aware of anything remotely associated with this phenomenon frightens me. Is she growing up in a culture with increasingly rigid beauty standards, despite all the talk of body positivity? Or is this just her generation’s set of Napoleon Dynamite-esque jokes?

Of course, the answer is probably somewhere in between. Was I not, even at that young age, already concerned with my body? And would I not have felt shame if I’d been something like a “fat lard” myself? After my niece showed me her rendition of the mewing meme last week, did she not stop to ask if her jawline needed improvement?

Be it through jokes or otherwise, the culture of looksmaxxing among young people reflects a broader anxiety towards beauty in an era where some would claim these standards to be flexible. It’s as if as some parameters have shifted, we’ve responded by drilling down with even more intensity on others. What good does body positivity do when everyone around you is assessing their faces with protractors?

 


Magdalene J. Taylor is a New York City-based writer covering sex and culture.

magdajtaylor

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Brett H
Brett H
3 months ago

I can’t help but think that people like Magdalene Taylor, to earn an income, are actually creating culture, and of course the culture is meaningless because the story is meaningless. All this story does us perpetuate the cultural obsession with specific beauty. The references in these sort of stories are other equally meaningless stories by other “writers” making a living. Just because a “writer” decides to write a story and Unherd publishes it doesn’t make it a thing. This is about as trivial as it can get. Magdalene you are creating the empty culture with your empty writing.

Adam Bartlett
Adam Bartlett
3 months ago
Reply to  Brett H

Normally more of a left wing / progressive trait to be so dismissive of these issues. BBC & dozens of other media have covered this, it’s a huge part of contemporary youth culture, indisputably a thing. I thought M Taylor’s take was quite interesting. While far from the main driver, she’s likely right that it’s grown so fast partly as a reaction to the generally welcome Body Positivity trend. (Even though in theory BP makes LM less needed – life is full of such paradox.)

Rob N
Rob N
3 months ago
Reply to  Adam Bartlett

Disagree that Body Positivity is generally welcome. Sure we should not obsess about looks and appearance but neither should we try to pretend that obesity or other obviously unhealthy traits are positive. There is a big difference between imperfections and unhealthiness.

UnHerd Reader
UnHerd Reader
3 months ago
Reply to  Adam Bartlett

Body positivity only applies to women, or so I heard.

Adam Bartlett
Adam Bartlett
3 months ago
Reply to  UnHerd Reader

I think that’s largely right, at least it’s a start. (Even if BP might have the issues Rob points out when take to extremes) Only a couple of decades back, it mostly seemned to be only women who need something like BP, there’s often quite a lag between problem and solution with this sort of thing.

El Uro
El Uro
3 months ago
Reply to  Brett H

Magdalene you are creating the empty culture with your empty writing.
.
Not everyone thinks so. For example, I found this little essay funny. Plus, I learned a lot of new things for myself
I think we were no less stupid when we were young, especially when we were teenagers. Watch this video, for example, “The Animals – House Of The Rising Sun”,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4bFqW_eu2I
Thank you, Magdalene!
.
PS. The enthusiastic comments on this clip shock me a little. After all, it’s not Bach’s “Air”

Carlos Danger
Carlos Danger
3 months ago

Ah, another example of The Status Game. We all have to find our place in the status rankings, and try to improve it. Like chickens with their pecking order, we try to peck without getting pecked. Hard to do.
We should remember what Will Storr says in his book about seeking status, as it applies well to looksmaxxing. We should try to improve ourselves, to move in the right direction. To gain status when we can, within reason.
But we also need to keep in mind that “life is not a story, but a game with no end. This means it isn’t a final victory we should seek but simple, humble progress: the never-ending pleasure of moving in the right direction. Nobody wins the status game. They’re not supposed to. The meaning of life is not to win, it’s to play.”

Philip Hanna
Philip Hanna
3 months ago
Reply to  Carlos Danger

One of the more enjoyable recent reads, for sure.

Adam Bartlett
Adam Bartlett
3 months ago

LooksMaxing rose to prominence as an adaption to the increased difficulty for young men of average or below looks to get a girlfriend. A 2023 found over 60% of American men in their 20s were single, compared to only 30% of young women. https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/3868557-most-young-men-are-single-most-young-women-are-not/ 
JesterMaxing, statusMaxing & MoneyMaxing were also advocated, but found to be less effective. Wilkes McDermid being a classic example, well respected restaurant expert here in London, who killed himself after years of being unable to get a girlfriend despite his wealth and status. It’s almost 10 years now since Sargent Incel (i think) created the first Looksmaxing site, and at last Accademia & policy makers are starting to pay attention to the underlying issues in the realm of Eros. Sadly, unless there’s an unexpected AI related breakthrough, it will likely be years before things change much for young people on the ground.

Rob N
Rob N
3 months ago
Reply to  Adam Bartlett

That 2023 study implies an awful lot of guys had more than 1 girlfriend or, possibly lots of the girls’ partners were girls.

UnHerd Reader
UnHerd Reader
3 months ago
Reply to  Rob N

And dating older men.

Adam Bartlett
Adam Bartlett
3 months ago
Reply to  UnHerd Reader

Too true. Something especially hurting young men right now, due to the inverted population pyramid we have thanks to decades of falling birth rates. With a few excpetions, incels mostly don’t seem to believe this. Their over emphases on the importance of looks makes them doubt it, and they see confirmation on social media where the standard reaction to large age gap relationships has long been “Ewwwww , creepy!” (At least when it’s the man who is older.)  But there’s invariably a “double movement” to these things. Part of the reason Pavel Durov’s arrest has caused such concern is likely that that there’s thousands of wealthy middle aged men in London & Manhattan who are scared their secret Telegram sugar babe review chat groups may come to light.

UnHerd Reader
UnHerd Reader
3 months ago
Reply to  Adam Bartlett

I notice that the author mentions incels. From what I’ve read, they insist that they will only date beautiful women. They also talk about raping and murdering women. That’s rather limiting. They would probably have more luck if they date average looking women with great personalities.Also, if 60% of men are single compared to 30% of women, you have 40% of men partnered with 66% of women. The math is off (or it could be me).

Adam Bartlett
Adam Bartlett
3 months ago
Reply to  UnHerd Reader

Yeah, incels occaisionally joke they’ll only date stunners (aka Stacies), and a suprising number of journalists seemed to take that seriously. Most of them would happily date their looks match, if given the chance. Sadly you’re right about their violent anti-woman remarks being quite common. As for the maths discrepancy, it’s concisely explained by comments from Rob N & your fellow UnHerd Reader just above.

Philip Hanna
Philip Hanna
3 months ago
Reply to  UnHerd Reader

You missed the “in their 20’s” part. Many women could be choosing older men in their 30’s, dating other women, or some of the men in their 20’s could be dating more than one woman in their 20’s. All of these scenarios are common and likely to explain the numbers.

Martin M
Martin M
3 months ago

“….undergo excruciating surgery and months of recovery in order to become three inches taller“. Does Ron DeSantis know about this?

Cathy Carron
Cathy Carron
3 months ago
Reply to  Martin M

DeSantis is not a ‘shallow’ person (another old-fashioned term). He’s a Harvard educated former Naval officer who’s an I credibly successful governor. Brains are still very, very sexy indeed.

Martin M
Martin M
3 months ago
Reply to  Cathy Carron

I offer no comment on his “brains”. My point is that he is deeply insecure.

Paddy Taylor
Paddy Taylor
3 months ago

I consider myself supremely fortunate to have grown up before Social Media and Mobile Phones became ubiquitous.

Mark M Breza
Mark M Breza
3 months ago
Reply to  Paddy Taylor

Huh ? Nixon lost to Kennedy because of his dark 5 o’clock shadow .
George Washington won because of his statuesque figure .

laurence scaduto
laurence scaduto
3 months ago
Reply to  Paddy Taylor

Agreed.
It’s beyond obvious that the phones have deformed and deranged our society, degraded and humiliated all of us, and left us chasing silly falsehoods (symmetry=beauty?? Where do they get this nonsense?).
Meanwhile, half of us are too helpless to tie our own shoe-laces.

Hugh Bryant
Hugh Bryant
3 months ago

What’s so funny about identity politics and all the rest of the anti-discrimination nonsense is that it completely overlooks the single most prevalent and damaging form of discrimination that we all practice every single waking moment of our lives: that based on physical attractiveness.
It has a much greater impact than racism. What would you rather be: ugly and white or good looking and black?

UnHerd Reader
UnHerd Reader
3 months ago
Reply to  Hugh Bryant

Beauty standards are intertwined with race. It’s why black women straighten their hair and bleach their skin. It’s why there was a “Black is beautiful” movement in the 70’s, black was so often portrayed as ugly.

Adam P
Adam P
3 months ago
Reply to  Hugh Bryant
Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
3 months ago

Given the prevalence of obese, tatted, pierced, dyed, bespectacled hideousness adopted by people today, I welcome this “trend”.

Philip Hanna
Philip Hanna
3 months ago

You seem like fun.

UnHerd Reader
UnHerd Reader
3 months ago

I could see why he cheated on you

Mike SampleName
Mike SampleName
3 months ago

My son’s in high school (15), and all I hear about this topic from him and his friends is… Not particularly complimentary. They generally regard it with scorn, mewing in particular is an IRL meme. It seems to me that it’s another fad that the terminally-online probably take relatively seriously, whereas the rest of the world at that age is somewhere between bemused and openly contemptuous.
It seems researching past looking at Reddit and Twitter is out of vogue for those researching modern social phenomena. Maybe we should get an article about that.

Philip Hanna
Philip Hanna
3 months ago

According to the article, Reddit has 1.2bln active users. Not saying it should be the only source looked at, but I don’t think it is a bad place to start for modern social phenomena.

UnHerd Reader
UnHerd Reader
3 months ago

It’s odd how boys are mocked for doing the very same thing women do.

Daniel Lee
Daniel Lee
3 months ago

“Syrian has equal facial thirds, almond hunter green eyes with low set, thick and positively tilted eyebrows. He has excellent jawline visibility… he has a good nose shape and good chin projection. Syrian’s main flaws are on the jaw region, his lower jaw is slightly recessed and his gonial angle is on the higher side. He has a narrower than ideal lower third. His midface is on the longer side. Syrian is a 7.5 out of 10 facially.”
Sounds exactly like a judge describing an animal’s “conformation” at a 4-H livestock competition or a dog show.

Graham Stull
Graham Stull
3 months ago

“Of course, the reality isn’t quite that wholesome and carefree. ”
Stop right there. There is nothing wholesome about celebrating obesity, bad skin or crooked teeth. These are signs of genetic weakness, and our species naturally looks to maximise its genetic strength.
A species that stops doing so, is a species with a collective mind disease that will die.

Stephen Kristan
Stephen Kristan
3 months ago

We’re a civilization with too much time on our hands.

UnHerd Reader
UnHerd Reader
3 months ago

One place I suspect this has partially grown from is plastic surgery critic content, which is a genre of Youtube (and I think TikTok) videos where people (often plastic surgeons) will look at celeb faces and speculate on what ‘work they’ve had done’.
I’ve always been a bit sceptical about this. The usual argument in favour of this content is that if people are open about the fact that attractive celebrities have often had plastic surgery, they’ll beat themselves up less about not looking like that, so these content creators are doing a public service. But that’s always struck me as BS. First, because most people aren’t comparing themselves to celebrities, at least directly. Second, because even if they are, the knowledge that celebrity attractiveness is partially artificial doesn’t make an individual any less likely to think of themselves as ugly, it just presents a route to ‘fix’ it.
Celebrities and influencers being more open about / exposed over their surgeries only seems to have made people get more surgery. Which is the obvious outcome when you think about it.

Francis Turner
Francis Turner
3 months ago

Zzzzzzzzzzz……