When I tell you that thousands of children in the UK with special educational or physical needs are denied their statutory education and their families subjected to a Kafkaesque existence of seeing their child reduced to a thing to be feared, what say you to that?

The hard facts of this very common experience are known, from Government down. So familiar are Local Authorities with this ugly dance, they spend millions every year on legal fights with parents whose only request is that their child’s special need be met in an educational environment best suited to them. Not much to ask is it?

In fact the Local Government and Social Care Ombudsman said in October that these families face a “disproportionate burden” to get the education their child needs. He says while the Educatonal Health and Care plans introuduced in 2014 (and due to cover all SEN cases by April 2018) aren’t a total failure, 80% of complaints have been upheld. Near total failure maybe?

Consider this. Children with a special educational need or diasbility will die earlier, are twice as likely to be bullied at primary school, seven times more likely to be excluded, less likely to be employed, more likely to live in poverty, have much higher rates of mental illness, are more likely to end up in prison.

That list is not inevitable.

It’s in the warp and weave of the system that claims to be built for these families.

Too often it’s a closed room with only the walls to climb.

I was speaking to the author Naomi Wolf, after inviting her to discuss reactions to the revelations and allegations surrounding Harvey Weinstein. For days beforehand, I’d seen accusations of victim blaming being levelled at people who, in my view, were doing no such thing. Now it was my turn.

The proper and overriding reaction to Harvey Weinstein can only be total disgust at him (pretty straightforward), and total sympathy for any woman harrassed or assaulted by him (not difficult at all), but if you then stray outside of these parameters and have additional things to say about women’s choices, or about which cultural and personal norms contribute to the continuation of this appalling behaviour, you are accused of victim blaming. This reflex makes life easier for the Weinsteins of this world, because the discussion stays in the room in which the abuse took place. Every predatory man in the world will celebrate that.

On air, I had invited calls on the question of what damaging reality exists in a woman’s mind/ heart/ body that when a sexual crime is committed against her, she turns it inwards on herself and stays silent. (Some didn’t of course. ) I wanted a conversation about changing things so that men like Weinstein have less chance to thrive. I wanted to ask what twisted norms we are handing down to our female children that they will regard this crime as the one they must absorb, not report. Give them a voice, fame, success but never let them say what happened and demand respect. For every woman who did speak up about him assaulting her, there were multiple female and male voices saying ‘Shush… don’t risk it… too dangerous’. What’s the point of using words against a man and a world which prefers to operate in the shadows?

I cited two famous actresses both of whom spoke publicly last week about inappropriate behaviour from Weinstein when they were very young, and both of whom went on to pose with or for him as much older, fully independent women. To wonder why is not to think ill of them. Does some psychology of fear and servitude exist for a woman to tolerate his company in this way? Or was it just good manners? Ambition? Either way women must ask why and to do so is not to victim blame. It is to suggest there is another way.

For much lesser offences I have stopped a number of people from ever coming near me again so I was interested in where that sense of powerlessness comes from and where it exists away from Hollywood in more ordinary lives. Much like domestic violence, until we understand why girls and women stay with violent men, we can never properly arm them against such men. My aim was to have a conversation about, forgive me, ‘Girl Power! Personal Power!’

No human injustice ever ended through silence. That is not to say speaking, shouting, suffering, for the cause is easy, but the scale of harrassment and assault is huge. Every woman knows that because most women have been harrassed or attacked.  It is a social injustice like any other so speaking out and acting forcefully and together must be our response. The law, politics, the workplace needs those voices if this is ever going to change.

To my horror, Naomi Wolf spent the whole interview telling me I was blaming victims and, worse still, that I was deaf to the fact.

I am not. I passionately believe in girls and women being free to flourish and exercise their full selves in the world. That must include examining what they do in fear, and why they do it. It must include teaching them how to navigate the world of the sexual ‘weirdo’ and point out to them that he is in fact as much a criminal as the guy who steals your purse, only what he wants to steal is your happiness and self respect, your light. That is the opposite of victim blaming. It’s the first step towards moving the narrative from ‘woman’s shame’ to ‘abuser’s name’.

Wolf’s Guardian article the morning after she joined me on LBC  was brilliant and all about what women must do to be heard when they are harrassed or attacked. I repeat, It was all about what women must do. That’s what my conversation on air was meant to be about too. What women must do in order to be the authors of their own story, even when the monsters of this world do their best to write it for them.

Not victim blaming, Naomi, just getting clear in our minds what it means to be respected and what we should do when we are not.